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Hello! 
This is my first post here, I've been working in customer service for a few years now, and felt I had some funny stories... err... painful stories to share!
Here's one that just happened to me tonight. For a bit of background, I work in the call center fof a Canadian cell phone provider that has a whole lot to do with dogs. Canadians will know which company.
So, how exactly do we justify ourselves?
SW: Sucky woman
Me: Your regular faceless voice at customer service!
Me: *cheerful* Hi, this is TalkingHead from Company, can I have your company phone number starting by the are code please?
SW: xxx-xxx-xxxx
Me: *cheerful* And your name please?
SW: Miss Inbred Assmonkey
Me: So how can I help you today miss Assmonkey?
Note: up until that point, there was absolutely no discernible Suck, she sounded quite nice actually. First impressions suck, right?
SW: I'm calling about the roaming charges on my last invoice.
Me: Let me take a look at them miss Assmonkey, would you care to tell me what happened while I go over your account?
SW: I went to the U.S. and used my phone, and now I'm being charges 11$ for like 8 minutes, that's fucking bullshit.
We have a policy that states we do not have to take any verbal abuse, swearing in any form counts, but I decided to humour this lady. Otherwise, three strikes and you're out. (You have no idea what joy it can bring to hang up on an SC)
Me: I see here you've contacted us about this in the past, would you like me to explain the charges again?
SW: (In that oh-so holier than thou tone of voice we all loathe) No, I just think it's fucking retarded that you charge 95 cents for airtime and then you add fucking long distance on top of it and NO-WHERE and your WEBSITE are these prices listed! HOW DO YOU JUSTIFY THESE PRICES?
Oh no you did NOT just go there, as a matter of fact, it IS listed. But I'll toy with you first. Oh and uhm... we're a CANADIAN mobile provider? Maybe that should have given you a clue?
*Skill check: bluff*
Me: Well miss Assmonkey, when you cross over to the U.S. you get a text message asking you to contact customer service right away. I went over the weekend last week and I received the message without fail.
SW: I didn't get your fucking message.
*Bluff failed*
You do get a text message, I just didn't go to the U.S.
Me: Well, do you have access to the internet right now?
SW: Yes I do.
Me (thanks for shooting yourself in the foot): I would like you to go to company.ca, check into packages and services, roaming and then U.S. roaming, scroll down a bit please.
And behold: The prices fully listed and explained to minute details.
SW: THAT'S STILL FUCKING HORSECRAP PRICES!!!
Me: Well, at this moment in time, the charges are valid, anything else I can help you with today?
SW: NO! *hangs up*
Me: *memo*
Hmm... that tastes good... is it anger and shame I'm smelling? Yes, I do believe it is!
And a second story for good measure!
An epic tale of a customer getting what is coming to him! Soar with this CSR as he emancipates himself from the clutches of suckiness and confronts the roaring entitlement-whore from Suckland! Will the CSR be successful in his quest? Will his hopes be crushed? On with the show!
SM = Sucky man
Me: Intro
SM:Yeah, I'm calling 'bout the new 3g services you're offering.
Basically, it's video calling, web browsing, mobile T.V./radio, etc.
Me: Of course, I'll be glad to answer any questions you might have!
SM: Yeah well, here's the thing, I have 3G services with *other company* and I'm basically keeping my line open with *my company* because I don't want to lose my number. It's just that you guys don't have any phones for 3G that I like right now.
Nothing wrong there right? Right, read on.
Me: Well, we are continually working to improve our selection, as a matter of fact, we've just recently added a new handset to our 3g slection.
SM: That's the one I already have with *other company*.
Me: (Thinking: what the fuck do you want out of me? Just come out and say it). So how can I help you then?
SM: The thing is, I don't want to keep paying my monthly fee if I'm not gonna use it, know what I'm saying? But I'd like to keep my number. If I have to keep paying, I might just as well cancel y'known?
Did you just threaten to cancel if I don't cave in? Oh yes you did. This customer already has a price plan that costs the company more to keep him on than it generates revenues, and now he wants it... for free. Are you shitting me?
Me: Well then sir, let me transfer you to *department* and they will be able to help you from here.
So I put him on hold, I forgot a very crucial information about his account, which in the end plays in my favour: Past due.
I contact the cancellation department and speak with the other CSR
Me: Hey this is TalkingHead from customer service, the phone number is xxx-xxx-xxx.
CSR: Alright, so what's the issue?
Me: Basically he wants his price plan for free so he can keep his line with us, he doesn't like our 3g phones, so he wants to wait.
CSR: You're kidding me right?
Me: I wish.
CSR: *snickers* We're in luck, since his account is past due, I can't touch it with a 10 feet pole. However, I would have been stuck into giving him his credit.
(Note: That department will bend over backwards and provide the lube to keep a customer)
CSR: But since he's past due, you'll have to contact *third department* and they're going to cancel his ass.
Me: *snickers* awesome.
So I call up the third department, re-explain the situation.
CSR2: You're shitting me, right? I'm cancelling this idiot.
Me: Awesome.
*gets customer off hold, into conference call*
Me: Thanks for holding! I have CSR2 on the line with us who will be able to further assist you today!
*hang up*
I checked back into the account later and... booyah! Cancelled. Not so much suck as an entitlement issue here.
I will post more for your entertainment at another time. Hope you enjoyed reading them more than I did living them.
This is my first post here, I've been working in customer service for a few years now, and felt I had some funny stories... err... painful stories to share!
Here's one that just happened to me tonight. For a bit of background, I work in the call center fof a Canadian cell phone provider that has a whole lot to do with dogs. Canadians will know which company.
So, how exactly do we justify ourselves?
SW: Sucky woman
Me: Your regular faceless voice at customer service!
Me: *cheerful* Hi, this is TalkingHead from Company, can I have your company phone number starting by the are code please?
SW: xxx-xxx-xxxx
Me: *cheerful* And your name please?
SW: Miss Inbred Assmonkey
Me: So how can I help you today miss Assmonkey?
Note: up until that point, there was absolutely no discernible Suck, she sounded quite nice actually. First impressions suck, right?
SW: I'm calling about the roaming charges on my last invoice.
Me: Let me take a look at them miss Assmonkey, would you care to tell me what happened while I go over your account?
SW: I went to the U.S. and used my phone, and now I'm being charges 11$ for like 8 minutes, that's fucking bullshit.
We have a policy that states we do not have to take any verbal abuse, swearing in any form counts, but I decided to humour this lady. Otherwise, three strikes and you're out. (You have no idea what joy it can bring to hang up on an SC)
Me: I see here you've contacted us about this in the past, would you like me to explain the charges again?
SW: (In that oh-so holier than thou tone of voice we all loathe) No, I just think it's fucking retarded that you charge 95 cents for airtime and then you add fucking long distance on top of it and NO-WHERE and your WEBSITE are these prices listed! HOW DO YOU JUSTIFY THESE PRICES?
Oh no you did NOT just go there, as a matter of fact, it IS listed. But I'll toy with you first. Oh and uhm... we're a CANADIAN mobile provider? Maybe that should have given you a clue?
*Skill check: bluff*
Me: Well miss Assmonkey, when you cross over to the U.S. you get a text message asking you to contact customer service right away. I went over the weekend last week and I received the message without fail.
SW: I didn't get your fucking message.
*Bluff failed*
You do get a text message, I just didn't go to the U.S.
Me: Well, do you have access to the internet right now?
SW: Yes I do.
Me (thanks for shooting yourself in the foot): I would like you to go to company.ca, check into packages and services, roaming and then U.S. roaming, scroll down a bit please.
And behold: The prices fully listed and explained to minute details.
SW: THAT'S STILL FUCKING HORSECRAP PRICES!!!
Me: Well, at this moment in time, the charges are valid, anything else I can help you with today?
SW: NO! *hangs up*
Me: *memo*
Hmm... that tastes good... is it anger and shame I'm smelling? Yes, I do believe it is!
And a second story for good measure!
An epic tale of a customer getting what is coming to him! Soar with this CSR as he emancipates himself from the clutches of suckiness and confronts the roaring entitlement-whore from Suckland! Will the CSR be successful in his quest? Will his hopes be crushed? On with the show!
SM = Sucky man
Me: Intro
SM:Yeah, I'm calling 'bout the new 3g services you're offering.
Basically, it's video calling, web browsing, mobile T.V./radio, etc.
Me: Of course, I'll be glad to answer any questions you might have!
SM: Yeah well, here's the thing, I have 3G services with *other company* and I'm basically keeping my line open with *my company* because I don't want to lose my number. It's just that you guys don't have any phones for 3G that I like right now.
Nothing wrong there right? Right, read on.
Me: Well, we are continually working to improve our selection, as a matter of fact, we've just recently added a new handset to our 3g slection.
SM: That's the one I already have with *other company*.
Me: (Thinking: what the fuck do you want out of me? Just come out and say it). So how can I help you then?
SM: The thing is, I don't want to keep paying my monthly fee if I'm not gonna use it, know what I'm saying? But I'd like to keep my number. If I have to keep paying, I might just as well cancel y'known?
Did you just threaten to cancel if I don't cave in? Oh yes you did. This customer already has a price plan that costs the company more to keep him on than it generates revenues, and now he wants it... for free. Are you shitting me?
Me: Well then sir, let me transfer you to *department* and they will be able to help you from here.
So I put him on hold, I forgot a very crucial information about his account, which in the end plays in my favour: Past due.
I contact the cancellation department and speak with the other CSR
Me: Hey this is TalkingHead from customer service, the phone number is xxx-xxx-xxx.
CSR: Alright, so what's the issue?
Me: Basically he wants his price plan for free so he can keep his line with us, he doesn't like our 3g phones, so he wants to wait.
CSR: You're kidding me right?
Me: I wish.
CSR: *snickers* We're in luck, since his account is past due, I can't touch it with a 10 feet pole. However, I would have been stuck into giving him his credit.
(Note: That department will bend over backwards and provide the lube to keep a customer)
CSR: But since he's past due, you'll have to contact *third department* and they're going to cancel his ass.
Me: *snickers* awesome.
So I call up the third department, re-explain the situation.
CSR2: You're shitting me, right? I'm cancelling this idiot.
Me: Awesome.
*gets customer off hold, into conference call*
Me: Thanks for holding! I have CSR2 on the line with us who will be able to further assist you today!
*hang up*
I checked back into the account later and... booyah! Cancelled. Not so much suck as an entitlement issue here.
I will post more for your entertainment at another time. Hope you enjoyed reading them more than I did living them.
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