That's no good to me

[Liz]

They should put that on this SC's tombstone.

So it was the January sales, right after Christmas, and moi here had drawn the short straw and was working on the refunds desk. It was half way through the morning, and so far, so normal. We had the woman trying to keep the fancy padded hanger and not realising that the till knew it was a three part set. We had the customer insisting that we should refund the cheeseboard as the cheese had gone rancid and melting. Of course it didn't help her case that she mentioned that it was a present from her friend who had not told her what it was, so she put it under the Christmas tree. Lights, central heating, action...

Then up walks the SC of the day. I knew he would be trouble as soon as I saw him. You get a knack for spotting the awkward ones. But nevertheless, I was my usual smiley and professional self. SC wanted a refund on his trousers. So far, so fine and dandy. He then proceeded to whinge (and I do mean whinge) about not being able to order a different size. The reason he couldn't was to do with the order points being down, and that was for a reason too, but that escapes me. I explained all that, was apologetic, and we moved on to the refund.

So I pick up the receipt. Credit card payment. I ask him if he has the card (obviously it might not have been a present, so it wasn't stupid of me to ask). He first of all says "It was a present" in that 'you're an idiot' tone. But cash is fine.

Uh oh.

I explained to him that he could not have cash, but that I could give him credit vouchers. This, you would have thought, should not be too much of a problem as he was wanting to buy another pair the same price anyway.

This is where it gets interesting:

SC: That's no good to me.

Me: (does the apology/explanation of policy thing)

SC: But that's no good to me.

Me: You also have the option of taking the trousers away with you, and exchanging them when you get the new pair.

SC: That's no good to me.

So I get the supervisor to deal with him. She goes through it all, repeating policy, apologising etc.

SC: That's no good to me.

And this goes on for a while.

We then suggest taking his name and phone number, plus details of replacement trousers, so we could order for him when the ordering point was back up, and then call him when the trousers were in.

SC: I don't give out my phone number.

Eventually he got so mad, he walked out without his trousers. We tried to go after him, but he disappeared. Never did find out what happened.

[Myra]

That phrase makes brain cells die. I feel like telling them I don't give a crap what they think is good for them, having and keeping my job is good to me, so I WILL follow policy.

Take the dip I had last week with a bad phone. It needs to be swapped through warranty, but I didn't have any phones in our stock to do the swap with. I gave him his remaining options: call manufacterer himself, get it set up, the new phone arrives at his place in 3-4 days. Other option is we can do the swap for him, but it takes 7-10 days. Guy then states "That is of no help to me." And nothing else. No suggestions for me to do anything. I try to explain his options again, thinking maybe he didn't understand something. He inturupts me.

Guy: "No, I understand that, but those options do not help me."
Me: "They will get your phone replaced."
Guy: "I did not buy my phone from Motorola. I bought it from Yellow Box Company. So what are YOU going to do for me?"

I take a moment, explain the privately owned store vs. corporate owned store schpeel, since we are privately owned, then explain his options again. Guy sighs heavily.

"Well, I can see you're not understanding me. I'll take this back to the store where I got it. Those options aren't of any help to me."

Yeah the guy had had the phone for like five months, so the only thing he'd hear from the store where he got the phone is "Sir, you need to go back to *my store* and they can process a warranty swap for you."

Alas, he never returned. But his "that is of no help to me" ate my soul. I'm sorry that I don't have a faster solution for you, but policy is policy, buddy!

[Liz]

I know...it's the way they keep repeating it, each time looking smugger and smugger.

I should add that we explained many times how we could help him, how he could use credit vouchers to buy the new trousers and it would make no difference whether he had cash or vouchers. He just kept repeating "That's no good to me". It was SO infuriating.

[Kiwi]

Customer: "That's no good to me"
Employee: "Tell me about it, its no good to me either"
Customr: "stutters"...thinks...brain explodes

[appliance god]

SC: That's no good to me.

And this goes on for a while.

We then suggest taking his name and phone number, plus details of replacement trousers, so we could order for him when the ordering point was back up, and then call him when the trousers were in.

SC: I don't give out my phone number.

Eventually he got so mad, he walked out without his trousers. We tried to go after him, but he disappeared. Never did find out what happened.

Your reply should have been.......

"That's no good to me!"

[Becks]

We had the customer insisting that we should refund the cheeseboard as the cheese had gone rancid and melting. Of course it didn't help her case that she mentioned that it was a present from her friend who had not told her what it was, so she put it under the Christmas tree. Lights, central heating, action...

Well, if it was a present from a friend, I don't see how it's the customer's fault that the cheese went bad.

[Liz]

Well, if it was a present from a friend, I don't see how it's the customer's fault that the cheese went bad.

It wasn't the customer's fault, but it wasn't our fault either. She thought it was our duty to refund a rancid cheeseboard, that had gone bad through no fault of ours.

[Liz]

Your reply should have been.......

"That's no good to me!"

I think he would have gone pop.

[MystyGlyttyr]

The variant I always get is "You're not very helpful!" Usually when someone calls on the phone asking about an obit from 1912 in the American Hawaii paper on the day Elvis sank the Bismark in the Bermuda Triangle. Or some other such...improbability. And when I tell them that not only is that a highly rare...article, but even if it did theoretically exist, I could not magically pull it up on my computer, that's when you usually hear *HUFF HUFF* "You're not very helpful!"

I can keep my Politeness Force Field up just fine for my voice, but if they were psychics, they'd be feeling the wrath of Phoenix about then...(X-Men reference)

[Greenday]

This is something I don't get. The customer claims he doesn't give out his phone number. If he doesn't give out his phone number, why does he even have a phone? No one can call him if he doesn't give out his number.

[Jester]

Credit card purchase, but he doesn't have the credit card. They were a "gift." He'll take cash. He doesn't want a voucher. And he won't give out his number.

Hmmm....can anyone say "scam"? In my opinion, dude was just looking for some quick cash, and it would not surprise me if he stole the pants to begin with!

Now, I know over the holidays a lot of people return a lot of things that people bought them. I myself have returned a few CD's, generally because whoever bought them for me didn't realize that I already had said CD's, or some such. So, of course, I don't have a receipt. Shockingly, since I am not an SC, I am perfectly willing to take a store credit. See, that is simple, logical, and rational, and that is why it is not SC behavior.

[phillippbo]

I love this "you're not helping" or "that doesn't work for me" attitude customers give me, and it's starting to happen every. Single. Day. To deal with it, after the second time of repeating the options, I will usually ask some variant of:

"I'm sorry, sir/ma'am. What could I do to make you happy?"
(Or if they're being irate, usually something like "I'm sorry, what would you have me do?")

When they proceed to demand something I can't do, then I will usually say something like:

"I'm sorry, but I can't do that. I've offered all of the options available to you. If none of those are sufficient, I see no reason this conversation should continue."

... and then stop talking. It's usually enough to get someone to finally be reasonable.

[ArenaBoy]

I love this "you're not helping" or "that doesn't work for me" attitude customers give me, and it's starting to happen every. Single. Day.

I seem to have noticed it too, whenever I get customers complaining about the parking policies or the lot being closed I usually say "Sorry sir, there is nothing I can do about it." What makes them think that they're better than us workers?

[CrazedClerk]

Somewhat different but in the same vein:

I had guy come into my store on sunday (I sell video games) and wanted to return two games he bought brand new because he didn't like them. We're not really supposed to do that for a variety of reasons.

Now my co-worker actually handled this guy directly and told him we can only do returns if they are defective, to which the SC replied: "Oh well, they both skip when I play them in my system."

Hold up.

I'm to believe that two BRAND NEW games made at two different times in two different places that just happened to be bought by the SAME PERSON happen to be defective? Suuuure.

Anyway since I was the senior associate on the floor, it was my call whether or not to do the return for this guy. I told my co-worker to do it simply because this guy was already pretty pissed off and seemed to be two steps away from cussing me out. There were kids in the store at the time and I didn't really want him to go on an expletive filled tirade while they were there.

I hope he never comes back though.

[One-Fang]

So you perpetuated the "squeal and you get what you want even if it's rediculous or against policy" behaviour.