How to @$%$ off the guy who's trying to help you (language)

[veridas]

This sort of stuff is getting more reptitive now. Just for those that don't know (I'm not exactly notorious 'round here. I work customer service alongside an admin role in an office. The job's usually pretty good under the right circumstances, but these are things that happen over the phone far too often for my liking. I think there's been some kind of stupid storm recently.



Me: The chosen one
SC: Villain.


*
me: Good afternoon thiscompany membership department
SC: Hello there Mr Department/Mr Membership!

*

me: Good morning thiscompany membership department
SC: Is this the membership department of thiscompany?


*

one of my personal "favourites" (read: If I get another one of these I will initiate "Stabby McViolence" persona through the goddamn phone!)

me: (after several minutes of listening to SC blithering on in the vain hope that there's a point to this endless mountain of monologue) I don't understand, what exactly do you want
SC: I'm not sure.

*

me: Hello there, how can I help you?
SC: You can shut up and listen
(seriously, if I didn't say anything you'd just put the damn phone down...now that's a thought! )

*

SC: blah blah blah blah blah blah, hello?
Me: yes sir/ma'am I'm here
SC: ok, blah blah blah blah blah bl...hello?
Me: Yes?
SC: Nothing, blah blah blah
me: Well sir/ma'am I can...
Sc: STOP INTERRUPTING ME!

Seriously, this is starting to happen with alarming frequency, why not just tell me to roll over and fetch if you want me to speak only when prompted by you?

*

SC: bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch, how can you help?
Me: From here I can -
SC: I mean its awfully annoying
Me: Yes I can see why, if you like I should be able to-
SC: Its a terrible inconvenience too, really hinders me you know
Me: right well to help I can-
SC: Very annoying
Me: Sorry, beyond my abilities,
Sc: What?
Me: Can't help you, dreadfully sorry
Sc: Oh, ok -click-


Being interrupted once doesn't usually get to me, being interrupted every once in a while irritates me a little, but being interrupted every time I'm trying to help your sorry arse just makes me want to say "go play a game of hide and go fuck yourself" but I can't say that so I deny them the help they need.

*

Me: Good afternoon thiscompany membership department
SC: do you know the store in randomtown?
Me: not exactly no, why do you need to make a complaint?
SC: Why don't you know the store?
Me: Its not really in my area
SC: Huh, a newbie,

Considering that we have hundreds of stores, I don't think it qualifies to call me a "newbie" because I don't know the one that your arse happens to visit. One day I just want to say "do you know mytown store? and when they say no, just insult them for it.

*

me: Hello, how can I-
Sc: I demand a fucking refund!
Me: Sir/madam we aren't the refunds department!
SC: I don't care!
Me: Well good luck with that refund sir
(this one is apparantely typical since its just past Christmas)

*

Me: Hello there, how can I help you?
SC: I'd like x y and z
Me: That's fine, let me just log that now and it should be ready in just a few minutes
Sc: Do you believe in God?
Me: Honestly, no
SC: why not?

Note: nothing against religion, but seriously, trying to question my spiritual beliefs while I'm helping you isn't the best way to gain my approval. Especially not given that I know where you live, and have access to googlemaps, anaesthetics, shovels and large open fields where nobdy would think to look for you, fear me.

Anyone else had anything like this? Or am I on my lonesome with these idiots?

[Becks]

GK's torturers got ahold of more phone numbers!!!

[Dips]

me: Hello, how can I-
Sc: I demand a fucking refund!

If that happens again, it could be fun to play a bit...

SC: I demand a fucking refund.

You: I'm afraid I cannot give you a refund as I'm quite sure we didn't sell you that particular service.

[veridas]

If that happens again, it could be fun to play a bit...

SC: I demand a fucking refund.

You: I'm afraid I cannot give you a refund as I'm quite sure we didn't sell you that particular service.

That...is the best idea...EVER!

[Imogene]

If that happens again, it could be fun to play a bit...

SC: I demand a fucking refund.

"Abortions are illegal, to the best of my knowledge, unless of course, you used a rubber... Did you use a rubber? It's like insurance. No? Well, too bad. No refund for you."

[XCashier]

me: Hello there, how can I help you?
SC: You can shut up and listen

Jeeze, Mr. SC, rude much? Didn't your momma tell you never to be rude to the person who's trying to help you?

I will never understand that mindset.

[Eric the Grey]

me: Hello there, how can I help you?
SC: You can shut up and listen
(seriously, if I didn't say anything you'd just put the damn phone down...now that's a thought! )

Me, I would simply not say anything, and type away until they stopped and finally asked: "Are you there?"

My reply would be, "Yes, I've shut up and I'm listening. Am I allowed to talk now?"

Of course, I would not survive a week at said job... People who do have my utmost respect.


Eric the Grey

[-H-]

Several years ago, i worked for Toys R Us.

Part of my job was to answer the phone and deal with customer enquiries, but I had a tough no nonsense approach to SC who swore at me, I just hung up the phone made a quick note of the time and details of the call for when they called back, and let a Manager explain to them why they were cut off.

I was not paid to listen to vulgar language from punters ... (and our managers backed this approach)

[Naaman]

My reply would be, "Yes, I've shut up and I'm listening. Am I allowed to talk now?"

I always used to use "Finished?...."

[Jayden]

Man oh man... I get the ones who interrupt all the time...
and as far as the religious question- that's frickin hilarious.

[dispatch]

it just baffles me how people seem to think that talking down to you and yammering on about how "it's the principle of the thing" and "this is just outrageous" is going to get the problem solved with first class treatment.
but you know, "the customer is always right!"

[imal'sheva]

Me: Good morning, XX Office, Imal'sheva speaking.

SC: Hello. Is this the XX office? Who is speaking?

[Foxglove8778]

Me: Hello there, how can I help you?
SC: I'd like x y and z
Me: That's fine, let me just log that now and it should be ready in just a few minutes
Sc: Do you believe in God?
Me: Honestly, no
SC: why not?

answer 1: You've never worked retail, have you.
answer 2: Is that in anyway relevant to this cookie transaction? *(quadruple bonus points to anyone that gets this reference)

but you know, "the customer is always right!"

and the door is to their left....

[Xieg]

I've got two personal "favorites" along those lines.

The first is very frequent, very annoying, and I swear one of these days I am going to do it to the customer who does it to me.

Me: Thankyou for calling This Dump, Xieg speaking, how can I help you?
SC: Hello Xieg Speaking/ Mr. Speaking/ Speaking, I need...

How hard is it to tell that Speaking is not my freaking last name? Seriously people.


And this one is fresh out of the oven, happened maybe an hour or so ago. I'm helping this lady with an order, and ofcourse she has a complaint about the prices on everything, so it starts to go on like this.

SC: It's so expensive, eveything should be free.
Me: *Ignoring stupid comment* Your next item please?
SC: *Gives item* Capitalism is so much like fascism, keeping you bound to a desk all day.
Me: *Still ignoring stupid comments* Next item.
SC: Don't you just hate capitalism? It keeps you from doing what you want.
Me: *Fed up* Honestly, I enjoy capitalism. It means if this keeps up I can deny you service, and someone else will come along with money and be happy to place an order for these items.
SC:... *Gives her next item*

Politics over the phone are bad. Bad customer, bad. Go sit in the corner or I give your dog shampoo to someone else.

[BaristaTrav]

Me: Hello there, how can I help you?
SC: I'd like x y and z
Me: That's fine, let me just log that now and it should be ready in just a few minutes
Sc: Do you believe in God?
Me: Honestly, no
SC: why not?

I think that the perfect response would be:

"Well, I used to believe in God, but after a few months of this job and dealing with people like you everyday I realize that there can not possibly be a God and Christ certianly died in vain. Is there anything else I can help you wth today?"