Douchebags on Parade

[Jester]

It's been a while since I've had a truly sucky customer, but yesterday I had a doozy.

Two shady (i.e. grubby looking and probably homeless) guys come in and kind of loiter around the bar without sitting at it. Shady Guy #1 was munching on a bagel with cream cheese....which he obviously didn't get at The Bar, as we don't sell bagels.

Me being the helpful bartender I am, I ask them if they want anything. What happened from there on between me and the first Shady Guy was just weird. (The other guy didn't really say much at all.

SHADY GUY #1: "You guys got any Sailor Jack's?"
JESTER: "Um, no. We do have Sailor Jerry's."
SHADY GUY #1: "Are you sure you don't have any Sailor Jack's?"
JESTER: "We have over 100 different rums, and the only one that is a Sailor is Sailor Jerry's. I've never even heard of Sailor Jack's. Honestly, the only thing we have with the word Jack in it is Jack Daniel's."
SHADY GUY #1: "Well, I know him real well, I call him Jack. Just give us a couple shots of that then."
JESTER: "Sure, how would you--"
SHADY GUY #1: "Better make those doubles."
JESTER: "Fine, how would you like those?"
SHADY GUY #1: "With Coke."

So far, this guy is just vaguely annoying. A little more annoying when he puts the bagel right down on the bar, without asking for a plate or a napkin or anything. Thanks for that, pal!

So I make them their drinks.

SHADY GUY #1: "Just put it on this." (hands me a Visa)
JESTER: "No problem." (I ring up the drinks and run the card.) "That'll be $25."
SHADY GUY #1: "$25? Highway robbery."
JESTER: (starting to get more annoyed with these two winners) "Sorry, pal, I don't make the prices here." And frankly, two doubles of nice rum? In Key West? That is not that bad a deal.

So I hand SG1 the check presenter with the credit card, the slips, and a pen inside. And then things get odd.

SHADY GUY #1: "How do I sign it?"
JESTER: "Excuse me?"
SHADY GUY #1: "How do you want me to sign this?"
JESTER: (honestly perplexed) "Um, just sign it on the line at the bottom? With your signature?"
SHADY GUY #1: (does some major scribbling on the signature line, but it is hardly what would be called a signature) "How's that?"
JESTER: "That's fine."

By this point several of the other customers around the bar are kind of looking at these two fucknuts in the same way I am.

And then the dude kind of tosses the check presenter with the slip in it down on the bar, and lands it partially on his cream cheese side up bagel. Rather annoyed at this point, I take the check presenter from him, and there is a big swath of cream cheese on the presenter AND on the bar.

SHADY GUY #1: "The bar needs to be cleaned."
JESTER: (now majorly annoyed with this yahoo) "Gee, I wonder why?"

I wiped down the bar and the check presenter, and closed the check in the computer. Naturally, of course, SG1 had left me exactly no tip on the credit card slip. I was not even vaguely surprised at this point.

Some more minor idiocy ensued (can't remember the specifics off the top of my head) and than for some reason, SG1 throws his bagel, cream cheese side down, down on to the bar. At this point, I am DONE with this assclown. I am within a hair's breadth of throwing these two guys out of my bar entirely. And I am no longer even pretending to be polite.

JESTER: "Dude, do NOT throw your food on the bar. Period." (tosses bagel and cleans the cream cheese off the bar)
SHADY GUY #1: (put out, almost offended) "Sorry."
JESTER: "Whatever. You do NOT throw food down on the bar. That is NOT acceptable."

My co-bartender told me that these two idiots had been in the day before, been total douchebags (his word), had no tipped, and he (my coworker) was pretty sure that the card in question was stolen. I figured he was right. We decided we would not serve these idiots anything else, and decided not to serve them at all if they came back in the future, and told our boss about the whole thing.

I mean, what kind of idiot acts like this? I really had wished he had done one more thing, so that one of us could have tossed his dumb ass. The coworker in question is even less willing to put up with idiots than I am, and will say some horrible shit to SCs, beyond even my smartassery.

Sadly, the dipshit didn't do anything else really horrible, so once again he failed me.

I DO hope he comes back in when I am behind the bar again.

[Saydrah]

So do I. Mwahahahaha.

[ThePhoneGoddess]

If you thought the card was stolen, your manager should have called the customer service number on the back of the card and let them know you were suspicious of it. They'll put a hold on the card until the cardholder calls in to verify that yes, they are in fact using their card in "Jester's Bar" in Key West.

[Jester]

Clarification: my coworker told me after I had given the card and the slip back to Shady Guy #1 that he had a suspicion that the card was stolen. At that point, the card was already back in his possession.

Due to his behavior, though, if he attempts to purchase drinks again at the bar, either he will be refused service at all, or if he is allowed to purchase and attempt to pay with said card, he would probably be asked for ID.

Remember, if the card doesn't say "SEE ID," by the merchant's agreement with Visa, we really aren't allowed to ask for ID. But in this case, I think it might be different. Not sure.....I think we are just going to tell these yahoos to go be douchebags somewhere else.

[digilight]

I highly doubt that it was a stolen card for one simple fact.....He got all uppity about the price of the drinks. If he knew he wouldn't have to pay for it himself he most likely woudn't care about droping 25 bucks on a couple of rum and cokes.

[theredbaron47]

I highly doubt that it was a stolen card for one simple fact.....He got all uppity about the price of the drinks. If he knew he wouldn't have to pay for it himself he most likely woudn't care about droping 25 bucks on a couple of rum and cokes.

My thoughts as well.

Or... it might have been a clever ploy on his part to divert suspicion away from him concerning whether or not the card was stolen.

But given the way that yahoo was acting, I doubt he'd have had that much intelligence or cunning.

[blas]

Hey guys, this gets me thinking....

76 Douchebags led the big parade....with 110 Fucktrumpets.....um....err...I forgot the rest.

That story made my head hurt, nonetheless. Why do people insist on bringing food from somewhere else into a restaurant/bar?

[wolfie]

Why do people insist on bringing food from somewhere else into a restaurant/bar?

I could understand bringing food from somewhere else into a BAR that doesn't serve food, or one member of a group bringing food because the establishment doesn't serve anything they can eat (e.g. someone who's alergic to shellfish bringing a Big Mac with them on a group outing to Red Lobster).

Another reason could be that they're at a place where the food is ridiculously overpriced, but the primrary reason for going is not the food (e.g. movie, sporting event, airline trip).

Of course, it could be as simple as the restaurant only serving regular Pepsi and not Kosher Pepsi (from what I've heard, it's the same formula, but some production runs of the syrup are done under rabinnical supervision) to go with their bacon cheeseburger.

[Seenoevil]

I understand that you cannot ask for ID to verify a credit card but... You serve alcohol. Doesn't that give you license to card ANYONE you're suspicious of?

[Inker]

ok, slightly of topic.....but I *LOVE* Sailor Jerry rum.

The end.

[Jester]

Again, my coworker had not told me about his suspicions about the card being stolen until AFTER Shady Guy #1 had paid with said credit card, I had run it, and he had signed it, yada yada. In other words, the transaction was over. The only suspicions I had before then was that these guys were douchebags. And sadly, there aren't any laws regarding the IDing of douchebags.

Though there should be. Oh, there should be.

[alogram]

I could understand bringing food from somewhere else into a BAR that doesn't serve food, or one member of a group bringing food because the establishment doesn't serve anything they can eat (e.g. someone who's alergic to shellfish bringing a Big Mac with them on a group outing to Red Lobster).

Another reason could be that they're at a place where the food is ridiculously overpriced, but the primrary reason for going is not the food (e.g. movie, sporting event, airline trip).

Um, NO.

If you are allergic to shellfish, I still don't think it is cool to bring a Big Mac into Red Lobster. I would think that anyone who would do that is an asshat. My sister is allergic to shellfish, and if we went to Red Lobster, she would order something else, not stop at McDonalds first.

[Enjis]

When I worked in retail, we were told by our security department that we ALWAYS had the right to ask for ID with a credit card...any time we were suspicious of any transaction.
Even when we went to the self-scanners/pin pad system, we could ask customers for ID after they swiped their card.

I had a few customers get irate about it, but if they did, I just said that security had asked me to check cards that day.

In a bar, I'd be doubly suspicious I think. Either way, no credit card company should be against asking for ID...I'd think they'd encourage it!

Sadly, you are correct that there is no rule about IDing douchebags...'if only' indeed!

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Hey guys, this gets me thinking....

76 Douchebags led the big parade....with 110 Fucktrumpets.....um....err...I forgot the rest.

76 fucktrombones led the douchebag parade
with 110 fucktrumpets close at hand
They were followed by rows and rows of the worst entitlement whores
The bane of service workers through the land

76 fucktrombones in the morning run
with 110 fucktrumpets close behind
They were banging on the doors, to the workers doing chores
"Open up! I wanna shop! Do you mind?"

There were know-it-alls with egos inflated like balloons
Whining nasally "it doesn't work this way!"
Bargaining hagglers and terminal displacers
Each misplacing things along their merry way

There were fifty grimy reekers, pawing at batteries
Stinking unshowered, since last October 4
Bratty kids of every size, and clothes in every size
returned so borrowers could grab their daily score

76 fucktrombones hit the counter point
While 110 fucktrumpets slashed the air
Shouting harshly "Charge! Charge! Charge!"
As they took their credit cards
And swiped them through the slot the wrong way

[blas]

YES! OH MY WORD...YES!!!!!!

Mary Kate and Ashley at an all you can eat buffet during Lent, YES!!!!!!!