It's been a while since I've had a truly sucky customer, but yesterday I had a doozy.
Two shady (i.e. grubby looking and probably homeless) guys come in and kind of loiter around the bar without sitting at it. Shady Guy #1 was munching on a bagel with cream cheese....which he obviously didn't get at The Bar, as we don't sell bagels.
Me being the helpful bartender I am, I ask them if they want anything. What happened from there on between me and the first Shady Guy was just weird. (The other guy didn't really say much at all.
SHADY GUY #1: "You guys got any Sailor Jack's?"
JESTER: "Um, no. We do have Sailor Jerry's."
SHADY GUY #1: "Are you sure you don't have any Sailor Jack's?"
JESTER: "We have over 100 different rums, and the only one that is a Sailor is Sailor Jerry's. I've never even heard of Sailor Jack's. Honestly, the only thing we have with the word Jack in it is Jack Daniel's."
SHADY GUY #1: "Well, I know him real well, I call him Jack. Just give us a couple shots of that then."
JESTER: "Sure, how would you--"
SHADY GUY #1: "Better make those doubles."
JESTER: "Fine, how would you like those?"
SHADY GUY #1: "With Coke."
So far, this guy is just vaguely annoying. A little more annoying when he puts the bagel right down on the bar, without asking for a plate or a napkin or anything. Thanks for that, pal!
So I make them their drinks.
SHADY GUY #1: "Just put it on this." (hands me a Visa)
JESTER: "No problem." (I ring up the drinks and run the card.) "That'll be $25."
SHADY GUY #1: "$25? Highway robbery."
JESTER: (starting to get more annoyed with these two winners) "Sorry, pal, I don't make the prices here." And frankly, two doubles of nice rum? In Key West? That is not that bad a deal.
So I hand SG1 the check presenter with the credit card, the slips, and a pen inside. And then things get odd.
SHADY GUY #1: "How do I sign it?"
JESTER: "Excuse me?"
SHADY GUY #1: "How do you want me to sign this?"
JESTER: (honestly perplexed) "Um, just sign it on the line at the bottom? With your signature?"
SHADY GUY #1: (does some major scribbling on the signature line, but it is hardly what would be called a signature) "How's that?"
JESTER: "That's fine."
By this point several of the other customers around the bar are kind of looking at these two fucknuts in the same way I am.
And then the dude kind of tosses the check presenter with the slip in it down on the bar, and lands it partially on his cream cheese side up bagel. Rather annoyed at this point, I take the check presenter from him, and there is a big swath of cream cheese on the presenter AND on the bar.
SHADY GUY #1: "The bar needs to be cleaned."
JESTER: (now majorly annoyed with this yahoo) "Gee, I wonder why?"
I wiped down the bar and the check presenter, and closed the check in the computer. Naturally, of course, SG1 had left me exactly no tip on the credit card slip. I was not even vaguely surprised at this point.
Some more minor idiocy ensued (can't remember the specifics off the top of my head) and than for some reason, SG1 throws his bagel, cream cheese side down, down on to the bar. At this point, I am DONE with this assclown. I am within a hair's breadth of throwing these two guys out of my bar entirely. And I am no longer even pretending to be polite.
JESTER: "Dude, do NOT throw your food on the bar. Period." (tosses bagel and cleans the cream cheese off the bar)
SHADY GUY #1: (put out, almost offended) "Sorry."
JESTER: "Whatever. You do NOT throw food down on the bar. That is NOT acceptable."
My co-bartender told me that these two idiots had been in the day before, been total douchebags (his word), had no tipped, and he (my coworker) was pretty sure that the card in question was stolen. I figured he was right. We decided we would not serve these idiots anything else, and decided not to serve them at all if they came back in the future, and told our boss about the whole thing.
I mean, what kind of idiot acts like this? I really had wished he had done one more thing, so that one of us could have tossed his dumb ass. The coworker in question is even less willing to put up with idiots than I am, and will say some horrible shit to SCs, beyond even my smartassery.
Sadly, the dipshit didn't do anything else really horrible, so once again he failed me.
I DO hope he comes back in when I am behind the bar again.
Two shady (i.e. grubby looking and probably homeless) guys come in and kind of loiter around the bar without sitting at it. Shady Guy #1 was munching on a bagel with cream cheese....which he obviously didn't get at The Bar, as we don't sell bagels.
Me being the helpful bartender I am, I ask them if they want anything. What happened from there on between me and the first Shady Guy was just weird. (The other guy didn't really say much at all.
SHADY GUY #1: "You guys got any Sailor Jack's?"
JESTER: "Um, no. We do have Sailor Jerry's."
SHADY GUY #1: "Are you sure you don't have any Sailor Jack's?"
JESTER: "We have over 100 different rums, and the only one that is a Sailor is Sailor Jerry's. I've never even heard of Sailor Jack's. Honestly, the only thing we have with the word Jack in it is Jack Daniel's."
SHADY GUY #1: "Well, I know him real well, I call him Jack. Just give us a couple shots of that then."
JESTER: "Sure, how would you--"
SHADY GUY #1: "Better make those doubles."
JESTER: "Fine, how would you like those?"
SHADY GUY #1: "With Coke."
So far, this guy is just vaguely annoying. A little more annoying when he puts the bagel right down on the bar, without asking for a plate or a napkin or anything. Thanks for that, pal!
So I make them their drinks.
SHADY GUY #1: "Just put it on this." (hands me a Visa)
JESTER: "No problem." (I ring up the drinks and run the card.) "That'll be $25."
SHADY GUY #1: "$25? Highway robbery."
JESTER: (starting to get more annoyed with these two winners) "Sorry, pal, I don't make the prices here." And frankly, two doubles of nice rum? In Key West? That is not that bad a deal.
So I hand SG1 the check presenter with the credit card, the slips, and a pen inside. And then things get odd.
SHADY GUY #1: "How do I sign it?"
JESTER: "Excuse me?"
SHADY GUY #1: "How do you want me to sign this?"
JESTER: (honestly perplexed) "Um, just sign it on the line at the bottom? With your signature?"
SHADY GUY #1: (does some major scribbling on the signature line, but it is hardly what would be called a signature) "How's that?"
JESTER: "That's fine."
By this point several of the other customers around the bar are kind of looking at these two fucknuts in the same way I am.
And then the dude kind of tosses the check presenter with the slip in it down on the bar, and lands it partially on his cream cheese side up bagel. Rather annoyed at this point, I take the check presenter from him, and there is a big swath of cream cheese on the presenter AND on the bar.
SHADY GUY #1: "The bar needs to be cleaned."
JESTER: (now majorly annoyed with this yahoo) "Gee, I wonder why?"
I wiped down the bar and the check presenter, and closed the check in the computer. Naturally, of course, SG1 had left me exactly no tip on the credit card slip. I was not even vaguely surprised at this point.
Some more minor idiocy ensued (can't remember the specifics off the top of my head) and than for some reason, SG1 throws his bagel, cream cheese side down, down on to the bar. At this point, I am DONE with this assclown. I am within a hair's breadth of throwing these two guys out of my bar entirely. And I am no longer even pretending to be polite.
JESTER: "Dude, do NOT throw your food on the bar. Period." (tosses bagel and cleans the cream cheese off the bar)
SHADY GUY #1: (put out, almost offended) "Sorry."
JESTER: "Whatever. You do NOT throw food down on the bar. That is NOT acceptable."
My co-bartender told me that these two idiots had been in the day before, been total douchebags (his word), had no tipped, and he (my coworker) was pretty sure that the card in question was stolen. I figured he was right. We decided we would not serve these idiots anything else, and decided not to serve them at all if they came back in the future, and told our boss about the whole thing.
I mean, what kind of idiot acts like this? I really had wished he had done one more thing, so that one of us could have tossed his dumb ass. The coworker in question is even less willing to put up with idiots than I am, and will say some horrible shit to SCs, beyond even my smartassery.
Sadly, the dipshit didn't do anything else really horrible, so once again he failed me.
I DO hope he comes back in when I am behind the bar again.
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