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Adventures in Costumer Services

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  • Adventures in Costumer Services

    Hi everyone, I'm docter FinnieMc.

    Actually no. I'm new here and after reading through 5 pages of rants that brought tears to my eyes from laughing or nodding along as I recognised the situation described.
    I wanted to add two of my experiences.

    I used to work in the Merchant Services part of a large credit card company.
    Basically this means that shops/stores etc having problems with their payments or cardprocessing would call us.
    Most of our clients were nice enough, on the account of having to deal with SC's themselves but sometimes they weren't.
    And since it was my task to deal with "difficult" customers ... well, you'll see.

    But that's not illegal!

    M: Me: Level 54 Hero/Rogue
    SC: Greedy hotel owner

    M: Standard greeting how can I help you?
    SC: Yes, I'm calling about a missing payment.
    M: Ok Sir, can you give me the details?
    SC: On the 17th I had two costumers who paid for their rooms and food with a stolen creditcard and now you don't want to pay for it.
    M: Mmm, did you do a pre-authorisation before giving them the room?
    SC: Yes ofcourse I did! That's standard procedure.
    M: And did you get an authorisation code?
    SC: No, the machine told me to call you, I did and they told me the card was reported stolen.
    M: So you were advised to call the police?
    SC: Yes and I did so the first thing next morning

    *At this point I thought I must have heard the wrong thing*

    M: You only called them the next morning?
    SC: Yes, it was very busy and I didn't have time for all that.
    M: So you gave them rooms and let them dine even though you knew the creditcard was stolen?
    SC: Yes yes I already explained to you that I didn't have time to call the police. Now when are you going to send me my money?
    M: The money you willingly charged unto a stolen creditcard? Eeh, never would be my closest guess.

    *This conversation went on for another 10 minutes in which he threatened me with his lawyer (Go ahead sir please do not forget to mention that you willingly charged a stolen creditcard), the police (HAHAHAHAHA) or the HQ of his hotel chain (Good luck with that) until he caved in.
    As a little reward I did give him the 50$ fee for destroying a stolen card.*

    I know someone famous

    M: Me the bearer of bad news
    SC: Almost famous eejit

    M: Standard greeting how can I help you?
    SC: GIVE ME MY MONEY!!!!
    M: Ok Sir, can I have your merchant number please?
    SC: I DON'T KNOW THAT NUMBER, JUST RELEASE MY MONEY!
    M: Sir, without your merchant number I cannot check if there is a problem with your account.
    SC: THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE, ARE YOU THAT STUPID? CAN'T YOU READ IT FROM THE PHONE? (Not really because neither me nor my phone is psychic)
    M: Sir, your merchant number please.
    SC: GRUMBLE GRUMBLE GRUMBLE IT'S XXXXXXXXXXX
    M: Let's see. Ok. Sir I cannot release anything on that account.
    SC: WHY NOT?
    M: Because it says here that your company went bankrupt and we have a court order to block all payments.
    SC: YOU CANNOT DO THAT! THAT'S MY MONEY! YOU STEALING B******
    M: Actually sir we have to comply with this.
    SC: (Calming down a bit) So when can you release these payments?
    M: Most likely not sir. This will be used to pay any debts that are still outstanding.
    SC: (Going into overdrive again) YOU CANNOT DO THAT, I WORKED FOR THIS; DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM?
    M: As a matter of fact, no, I don't know who you are.
    SC: MY UNCLE IS FAMOUS JOURNALIST XXX SAMELASTNAME. HE WILL DESTROY YOUR COMPANY IN HIS NEXT ARTICLE , YOU CANNOT DO THIS!
    M: Actually Sir, I don't think that will happen. First of all your uncle's first name is not XXX but YYY and second even though your last name sounds the same, it is actually spelled differently.
    SC: *click*

    Ha! Bluffing never really works if you're stupid!

    And to end this first post some short experiences:

    SC: *5 minute rant in Mandarin*. What is your answer to that?
    eeeh I don't speak Mandarin?

    SC: You stole my money and opened a brothel with it!
    I actually started laughing here ... it was just too surreal.

    SC: Can I have someone who speaks Dutch?
    I'm Flemish, so my mothertongue is Dutch, although it differs slightly from the the Dutch spoken in the Netherlands (Think American English and British English).
    This guy was from the Netherlands and obviously a bigot POS.
    I told the guy that I was the only one available and had him spell out every single detail of his contract, which included words like taxi, Amsterdam and a very common last name.

  • #2
    Good stuff. Welcome to the board. Curious.. who did the SC claim his famous uncle was?
    I will never go to school!

    Comment


    • #3
      Quoth FinnieMc View Post
      M: And did you get an authorisation code?
      SC: No, the machine told me to call you, I did and they told me the card was reported stolen.
      M: So you were advised to call the police?
      SC: Yes and I did so the first thing next morning

      *At this point I thought I must have heard the wrong thing*

      M: You only called them the next morning?
      SC: Yes, it was very busy and I didn't have time for all that.
      M: So you gave them rooms and let them dine even though you knew the creditcard was stolen?
      SC: Yes yes I already explained to you that I didn't have time to call the police. Now when are you going to send me my money?
      M: The money you willingly charged unto a stolen creditcard? Eeh, never would be my closest guess.
      Isn't that credit card fraud? And wouldn't that make him party to fraud?


      People are so stupid sometimes that it pains me.
      Just because a customer expects you to put some effort into your job, that does not make them an SC.

      Comment


      • #4
        Aaah, but he actually spells it as SAMELASTNAME because he wants to keep it a secret that he is from the same lame-assed family as me. NO! OH, damn, that won't work either. *click*

        Comment


        • #5
          Wait, if they get an authorization number then the credit card company eats the cost? I thought the business charging the card ended up eating it, because the card company takes the money back?? That's why my company is so hesitant taking certain charge cards, because we've been burned before and it can sometimes take weeks or months before you learn a charge was fraudulent.
          A lion however, will only devour your corpse, whereas an SC is not sated until they have destroyed your soul. (Quote per infinitemonkies)

          Comment


          • #6
            Credit card fraud. Nobody gets prosecuted for this. When I ran a small company, we had proof (address, various IP addresses and timestamps, etc.) of a kid that tried to defraud us for over $12,000. Called the cops, FBI, etc. None of them wanted to deal with it.
            "Always stand near the door." -- Doctor Who

            Kuya's Kitchen -- Cooking, Cooking Gadgets, and Food Related Blather from a Transplanted Foodie

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            • #7
              XD The last one made me LOL. Yes, there are six billion people who speak mandarin, but most of them are in China. I'm guessing you're not. You'd think the SC would have guessed that too.
              "Because that's how magical meteoric size-altering space goo works." IMDB Message boards.

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              • #8
                Quoth bainsidhe View Post
                Wait, if they get an authorization number then the credit card company eats the cost? I thought the business charging the card ended up eating it, because the card company takes the money back?? That's why my company is so hesitant taking certain charge cards, because we've been burned before and it can sometimes take weeks or months before you learn a charge was fraudulent.
                It all depends. if you follow the rules (authorisation code, right signature etc etc) you should not have the money deducted from you.
                Ofcourse this usually turns into a battle between the credit card companies and the business about who's right.
                And since most business don't know the rules very well ...

                Comment


                • #9
                  Quoth RebeccaOTool View Post
                  there are six billion people who speak mandarin, but most of them are in China.
                  Most of the people speaking Mandarin may be in China, but I don't think there's 6 billion
                  Ba'al: I'm a god. Gods are all-knowing.

                  http://unrelatedcaptions.com/45147

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