Snappy Come backs (quickies)

[XCashier]

SC: MILK!
Employee: Cookies!
SC: <deer in headlight confused stare>
Employee: Oh, give me another one! I love word association games!

SC: MARLBORO REDS!
Emp: Cleveland Browns!

SC: BATTERIES!
Emp: Assaults!

You could keep the SCs going for hours...

[Great Unknown]

SC: Apackofmarlbororedinabox.
Me: May I see your ID, please?
SC: *grumbles* But I'm 18! C'mon!

Me: And I'm (a lot older). I'll show you mine if you show me yours.

SC:

[braindead]

sc-I got this postcard in the mail.
Me-great
SC-full 30 seconds of silence

Not so funny but I do this all the time.
SC-Whats this cost
Me-What does it say on the application?
SC-$12.95
Me-Ok
SC-

SC-I cant get it up
(meaning there website)
ME-sounds like a personal problem
SC-What?....Oh I mean my website.

Shameless

[DGoddessChardonnay]

SC-I cant get it up
(meaning there website)
ME-sounds like a personal problem
SC-What?....Oh I mean my website.

Shamless

You mean you couldn't give him the number for the nearest pharmacy to get his Viagra refill?

Shame on you.

I could sit here all night long and come up with various replies to the "I can't get it up" line . . . but I don't think any of those would be suitable for the site.

[Imogene]

Throws 'em for a loop sometimes, but often they don't even seem to notice.
Look Ma, I'm a Non-Player Character!

M: "There are many soldiers in the castle!"
Cus: "What?"
M: "Soldiers?"
Cus: "The hell?"
M: "In the castle?"
And so on.

[Jester]

While I was working at Blockbuster, right after PotC came out on DVD:

Heheheh...dopey me, thought that was "Pirates of the Caribbean"!

Oldsmobile Chevrolet (again, two different manuf.)

Actually, same manufacturer, different lines. Both made by GM.


I have many snappy comebacks, being a smartass bartender/server, but probably my best off-the-cuff remark was when I worked for the call center for a national hotel chain. At the end of the call, I told the customer the details of the reservation with everything it included, and then....

ME: "...and a free continental breakfast."
CUS: "Holy shit!"
ME: "No ma'am, a free continental breakfast."

To her credit, she laughed her ass off.

[WHShit]

I've always wanted to do this to people like that:

Me: Hi, How are you today?
Cust: Malboro Reds.
Me: Yes. (Stands there)

Just stand there and wait until they actually ask FOR it.

I HATE this. Someone comes in and just says "paperclips". No "excuse me, can you help me find paperclips" or "can you tell me where the paperclips are"...I would even prefer someone to yell "I need paperclips". But, no...they just say "paperclips". I would love to say "what about them?". Why can't they just ask?

[Imogene]

I HATE this. Someone comes in and just says "paperclips". No "excuse me, can you help me find paperclips" or "can you tell me where the paperclips are"...I would even prefer someone to yell "I need paperclips". But, no...they just say "paperclips".

M: "No, sir, I'm Juwl. That's Tarzan, and this' Jane. Now that we've been introduced, care to elucidate?"

[allniter]

The one I remember best went something like this.

SC: Paul, let me ask you something, 'Isn't the customer ALWAYS right?'
Me: Yeah, if they can prove it.

*Silence from the peanut gallery*

[Talon]

Sometimes when customers decide to replace broken tv receivers with new ones, they ask me what to do with the broken one. I usually answer "It could make a nice lawn ornament."

Once long ago at my last dump I heard about a co-worker who got some screamer wanting to cancel her account. The convo, as was recounted to me:

CCW - cool co-worker
PMSC - potty-mouth sucky customer

CCW - "Ma'am I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't swear at me."
PMSC - "I'll talk to you any way I want!"
CCW - "No ma'am, then you'll be talking to yourself."

Too bad PMSC didn't get the hint. CCW made good on his threat and hung up without cancellling her account. This guy wasn't afraid to tell cuss-tomers their language belonged in the toilet. Never did get in trouble either