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Grossness at 5 O'Clock (AM)! (Longish)

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  • Grossness at 5 O'Clock (AM)! (Longish)

    For those of the faint of heart, this one is gross and a tad creepy, but completly sucky. This did not happen to me (thank god), but a co-worker.
    A bit of background first, I used to work as a District Manager for a local Newspaper. It was my job to make sure all customers in my district got their newspaper by a certain time. Each DM had a company car which was BRIGHT yellow with the paper's name on it. You couldn't miss it. We had a few stacks of free papers in the back to bring to any customer who called in a complaint or didn't recieve one. This was common knowledge to most of the citzenry.

    The papers are promised to the customer by 8 AM on Saturday Mornings. If you're lucky, the papers are on time and all your carrier get their stacks, you will have some downtime before complaints come in (at 8:01). Usually, we park the car somewhere and try to catch a quick nap.

    So this buddy of mine parks in a McDonalds parking lot at 5 AM this one Saturday morning and proceeds to catch some shut eye. He's about drifting off and there is this knock at his window. Now, it being 5 AM, still dark and the lot being mostly deserted, he only opened his window a crack. A guy in a big coat was outside the car and ask if he could have a newspaper. The DM told him no, and pointed him to the newspaper vending machine by the curb, he could get one for .50 over there. The guy said he knew the yellow cars had free papers, and he wanted one. The DM apologized and said he can't give out his papers until all paying customers have theirs (not entirely true, but he was mad at this guy for being a SC).
    The guy stormed off, the window went back up, and the DM again tried to get some sleep. Next thing he new, the car shook a bit and he heard a loud THUMP at his window. He looked over, and staring him in the face, was this SCs uh..... "Unit". He had actually disrobed and pushed himself up against the car! Nekkid!
    How incredibly gross is that! My buddy said he threw the car in drive (company policy is to keep the car on at all times while on duty) and took off while the guy was still up against the car, so I bet that must of hurt!

    Honestly, what drives people to this level for a freakin .50 newspaper?!?!?!?!!?

  • #2
    Damn!!! I don't know what to say, except:



    That is just to early in the morning for that. To bad there wasn't a way to trap him like that, then drive him to the police station. I can see him trying to explain this to the police. I think that I would have been in shock.
    Woman are like guns, if you don't treat us right, we'll blow up in your face!

    Pain is your bodies way of telling you that you're still alive.

    I am also known as Liquid Skin and Silkekitten.

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    • #3


      Ewwwwwwwwwwwww.

      I wonder how that guy will explain his friction burns? No, I changed my mind...I DON'T want to know.
      Unseen but seeing
      oh dear, now they're masquerading as sane-KiaKat
      There isn't enough interpretive dance in the workplace these days-Irv
      3rd shift needs love, too
      RIP, mo bhrionglóid

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      • #4
        There must have been all kinds of prints on that car
        I've lost my mind ages ago. If you find it, please hide it.

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        • #5
          Quoth LostMyMind View Post
          There must have been all kinds of prints on that car
          Yeah, there were. He told me he drove around for some time looking for an open carwash!

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          • #6
            I hope he did not return the car with the "prints" on it.

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            • #7
              ew, brain bleach and car sanitizer moment. so gross...
              look! it's ghengis khan!
              Sorry, but while I can do many things, extracting heads from anuses isn't one of them. (so sayeth the irv)

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              • #8


                Gotta be some mental illness going on there.
                Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

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                • #9
                  Holy crap, there's desperate and there's perverted. Pass the brain bleach please.
                  The Grand Galactic Inquisitor hears all and sees all.

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                  • #10
                    Oh. My. GOD.

                    It does sound to me as if there's got to be some kind of mental illness behind that type of behavior.

                    *handing out brain bleach, towels and santizer*

                    Don't drop the soap.
                    Human Resources - the adult version of "I'm telling Mom." - Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo (NCIS)

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                    • #11
                      WOW! I hope that hurt!

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