1) You have to be a friend of mine, and I have to know you well enough that I can ask you a favour sometime in return. If I have no clue who you are or I've never met you before, I will not help you. I do this work either as a favour to close friends or because it's a job. If neither of these apply, then I stay home. I don't care who you know, and I don't care that they said I would help. They should have checked with me first.
1a) If you are a close friend as described above and you ask me over for help with something and it turns out to be your friend who I've never met before (also as above) with his laptop, I may fix the problem, but I will be angry about it. If you have to leave in the middle, I will be VERY angry about it. If you have to leave in the middle and your friend is an arrogant asshole, I will be INCREDIBLY angry, with you, about it.
2) I have to have your undivided attention. If YOU put ME on hold while I am performing Free Tech Support, I will hang up, and I will not answer when you call back. If you put me on hold, it must not have been that important.
3) I don't care what you think the problem is, and I will not perform what you think the solution is without first checking it out myself. When I fix a problem, I don't ever want to have to fix the same problem again, so I will fix it so it doesn't break again. I will not work with a makeshift solution, even if you're in a hurry. I am not in a hurry.
4) No means no. If every week when I see you, you ask me to fix the SAME THING, and I have said no before, I will say no again. This city has a population of about 2 million people, and there are PLENTY of computer technicians within that. If you tell me that nobody else has been able to fix it, I know that you are lying. What you really mean is that nobody else wants to fix it for free, and for some reason, you seem to think I do.
5) I have a regular, full-time, day job. Tech support is a component of this. I support eight computers, three printers, a mailing machine, and a risograph. That's it. If you call me between the hours of 10AM and 5PM, you sure had better be calling about one of these things.
6) If I have provided you with Free Tech Support, I will feel that we obviously know each other well enough for me to ask you a favour in return. Keep in mind the odds of you never receiving Free Tech Support again are directly proportionate with the odds of you giving me an invoice for said favour. I don't care if the favour I asked is what you do for a living. I do tech support for a living.
7) When I am performing Free Tech Support, I am here as a favour to you, and whatever I say is what happens. For instance, if you ask me to eat dinner with your family and I decline, DO NOT ASK ME FIVE MORE TIMES. I want to get the problem solved and get out of here.
8) You have to show at least SOME effort to learn what I am doing. If as soon as I sit down you take off to watch TV, this is Not a Good Thing. The only reason why I do Free Tech Support is a faint hope that people will actually learn from me and will be able to do it themselves next time.
9) If I come over there for Free Tech Support and it's something really dumb, like the machine not being turned on, I will laugh with you, or at least fake-laugh the first time. If I come over any subsequent times for the same problem, ESPECIALLY if I ask "Is the [machine] turned on this time?" and you say yes, I will not even fake-laugh.
10) If you ask to pay me, and you're a friend, I will decline, because I don't like taking money from friends. I WILL tell you my hourly rate and suggest a local charity. Now, it's totally at your option whether you make a donation or not. But if you say you will, especially if you say this on more than one occasion, then do it. Don't think I won't check, because I do. [Edit: Nobody has EVER followed through with this. EVER.]
11) If I ever move to a new city where nobody knows me, I am going to tell everyone I work as a full-time cart-getter in a grocery store.
1a) If you are a close friend as described above and you ask me over for help with something and it turns out to be your friend who I've never met before (also as above) with his laptop, I may fix the problem, but I will be angry about it. If you have to leave in the middle, I will be VERY angry about it. If you have to leave in the middle and your friend is an arrogant asshole, I will be INCREDIBLY angry, with you, about it.
2) I have to have your undivided attention. If YOU put ME on hold while I am performing Free Tech Support, I will hang up, and I will not answer when you call back. If you put me on hold, it must not have been that important.
3) I don't care what you think the problem is, and I will not perform what you think the solution is without first checking it out myself. When I fix a problem, I don't ever want to have to fix the same problem again, so I will fix it so it doesn't break again. I will not work with a makeshift solution, even if you're in a hurry. I am not in a hurry.
4) No means no. If every week when I see you, you ask me to fix the SAME THING, and I have said no before, I will say no again. This city has a population of about 2 million people, and there are PLENTY of computer technicians within that. If you tell me that nobody else has been able to fix it, I know that you are lying. What you really mean is that nobody else wants to fix it for free, and for some reason, you seem to think I do.
5) I have a regular, full-time, day job. Tech support is a component of this. I support eight computers, three printers, a mailing machine, and a risograph. That's it. If you call me between the hours of 10AM and 5PM, you sure had better be calling about one of these things.
6) If I have provided you with Free Tech Support, I will feel that we obviously know each other well enough for me to ask you a favour in return. Keep in mind the odds of you never receiving Free Tech Support again are directly proportionate with the odds of you giving me an invoice for said favour. I don't care if the favour I asked is what you do for a living. I do tech support for a living.
7) When I am performing Free Tech Support, I am here as a favour to you, and whatever I say is what happens. For instance, if you ask me to eat dinner with your family and I decline, DO NOT ASK ME FIVE MORE TIMES. I want to get the problem solved and get out of here.
8) You have to show at least SOME effort to learn what I am doing. If as soon as I sit down you take off to watch TV, this is Not a Good Thing. The only reason why I do Free Tech Support is a faint hope that people will actually learn from me and will be able to do it themselves next time.
9) If I come over there for Free Tech Support and it's something really dumb, like the machine not being turned on, I will laugh with you, or at least fake-laugh the first time. If I come over any subsequent times for the same problem, ESPECIALLY if I ask "Is the [machine] turned on this time?" and you say yes, I will not even fake-laugh.
10) If you ask to pay me, and you're a friend, I will decline, because I don't like taking money from friends. I WILL tell you my hourly rate and suggest a local charity. Now, it's totally at your option whether you make a donation or not. But if you say you will, especially if you say this on more than one occasion, then do it. Don't think I won't check, because I do. [Edit: Nobody has EVER followed through with this. EVER.]
11) If I ever move to a new city where nobody knows me, I am going to tell everyone I work as a full-time cart-getter in a grocery store.
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