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Of course I understand... Sir. (long)
Not sure what brought this to mind, but...
A good few years ago (gods, how long? 7, 8 years? Maybe?), I was just out of college, with no job pertaining to my actual degree in sight (still don't have one, but I'm not as bitter anymore
), I needed to get a job.
So, I looked around, and found one which seemed like it would, at the very least, play to my strenghts - answering the phone in the customer service department for cell phones. Now, anyone who's read anything on these boards knows two things: 1) a lot of cell phone owners aren't the brightest, and 2) answering the phone for any form of customer service can be hazardous to your health. Of course, I was young, I was naive, and I didn't despise humanity then as much as I did now.
Flew through the training course at the start (which was mostly database training. Honestly, they pretty much gave us a biscuit every time we managed to press the correct button on the screen. We were praised for being able to read the onscreen instructions. Pavlov must be proud... argh, back on topic already!). Started answering calls... most of which ended with one of three answers. Either "I'm sorry, I can't help you," "you need to go into the store for that," or "I recommend you call the police."
For the first, there were a couple of types who heard this. First, those registered their phone in the name of their two year old. When you registered the phone in someones name at this company, that had to be the person who called in the outage. Some would say "oh, I'm Billie," to which we'd respond "so you were born two years ago?" You were stupid enough to do something "cute," and look where it got you. A broken phone no-one will help you with.
The second type were the "I didn't read the fine print for the ringtone" people - the ones who couldn't wrap their heads around the fact that when it says at the bottom that you'll get a ringtone - and get charged for said ringtone - every week until the end of eternity unless you're good enough to hand over your soul to good ol' Satan, well... they're always the ones who are the most surprised when they end up getting charged. So, simple "nope, not my problem, call the company you bought it from," and they're on their way.
"You need to go to the store for that" types were those with damaged phones. Our call center was so fabulous we weren't actually allowed to do any sort of tech/troubleshooting for folks. Whatever was broken, even if it was something we understood and could fix, we weren't allowed.
The more I thought of it, the more I wonder why the hell they actually paid us for anything...
As for the third type, those were the ones I actually wished I could help. They were the ones getting harrasing phone calls, text messages, photos... there's little more heartwrenching then telling a mother that there is nothing you can do for her 12 year old, who's getting dirty images, messages and voicemails via her cellphone, and having her almost break down on the phone with you. Those folks, I'd point to the police. The police would then work with the company, get the records, etc... again, I wouldn't actually be able to do anything.
Course, I'm still not sure I agree that 12 years olds should have phones, but that's another matter.
But the icing on the cake was one of the last calls I took there.
For reference, this was Ireland. We didn't get many loud Americans on the phone, mostly just loud Irish folks. The fact that he was American had little to do with the story, but this was the day I first had the proof that sucky customers truly transcend borders.
This guy had been calling in all day, to various different reps. He wanted to know how he should dial to get back through to America. Not from a cell phone, nothing to do with the actual company he was calling, just what he should dial... Most of the people who called in before tried to explain to him that we didn't have that information - that perhaps he would be better calling Directory Inquiries, or perhaps looking in the phone book. In other words, they were doing their jobs.
Angry Entitlement Man doesn't like this. This makes AEM Angry. AEM Smash.
So he goes through reps, and they drop like flies before his anger. Or, well, they disconnect him after warning him three times to stop cursing/raving (as I remember, this is something that every call centre in Ireland is required to inform their staff they can do, but, strangely, few do). Of course, I don't know this right now - all I know is that I am really, really tired of people who decided to buy ringtones.
The call comes through to me, and so the fun begins:
Me: Welcome to SuchandSuchfone, how can I help you today?
AEM: I need to know how to dial to America. Can you help me?
(note the trap... he's polite right now. He's luring me into his web, preparing to devour me hole! Run, young me, run for your life!)
Me: Yes, sir. On SuchandSuchfone service you di-
AEM: Oh, no, I just need to know how to dial to America on any old phone.
Me: You're not a customer of SuchandSuchfone, sir?
AEM: No, son, I'm not. But I'd still like some help...
(I have fallen in to the trap! It's too late now - I have decided to be "nice." Curse me.)
Me: Ok (drawing up google on my computer, preparing to search for the exact term), I'll look it up now, sir. If I remember correctly, when I called to Ireland from Italy..
(that was me thinking aloud, see. I was thinking maybe it would be similar, and I would be able to confirm it for him. How foolish of me to volunteer something he didn't actually want.)
AEM: I'm not trying to call Ireland from Italy, son, I want to know how to call the USA.
Me: I'm sorry, sir, I was just-
AEM: GODDAMN STUPID *&$^ING PEOPLE, I'VE BEEN ASKING YOU &$#*S ALL DAY HOW TO CALL HOME, THAT'S ALL I WANT TO KNOW!
Me: Sir, if you'll just calm down...
AEM: AND THERE YOU GO CALLING ME &^$#ING SIR AGAIN! YOU LITTLE &*^$, JUST TELL ME WHAT I NEED TO KNOW! NOW!
Me: B-but, sir-
AEM: YOU JUST &^%*ING CALLED ME SIR AGAIN! YOU CALL ME SIR AGAIN AND I'LL KILL YOU! JUST TELL ME THE INFO! NOW!
(Now, a final little pause in the action. I'm fairly certain that this is the point that my mind broke, and I became a true customer service rep. You know, broken of spirit.)
Me: I'll get right on that for you...
AEM: THAT'S more like it.
Me: ... Sir.
Oh, the sound of that phone hangin up was a sweet, sweet sound. As far as I know, he didn't call back again, and I didn't get in trouble. After all, all I did was call him Sir... which was company policy.
Only some of the above conversation was paraphrased - given that that was one of the most satisfying "sucky" customers I've ever had to deal with, I remember a great deal of it.
A good few years ago (gods, how long? 7, 8 years? Maybe?), I was just out of college, with no job pertaining to my actual degree in sight (still don't have one, but I'm not as bitter anymore
), I needed to get a job. So, I looked around, and found one which seemed like it would, at the very least, play to my strenghts - answering the phone in the customer service department for cell phones. Now, anyone who's read anything on these boards knows two things: 1) a lot of cell phone owners aren't the brightest, and 2) answering the phone for any form of customer service can be hazardous to your health. Of course, I was young, I was naive, and I didn't despise humanity then as much as I did now.
Flew through the training course at the start (which was mostly database training. Honestly, they pretty much gave us a biscuit every time we managed to press the correct button on the screen. We were praised for being able to read the onscreen instructions. Pavlov must be proud... argh, back on topic already!). Started answering calls... most of which ended with one of three answers. Either "I'm sorry, I can't help you," "you need to go into the store for that," or "I recommend you call the police."
For the first, there were a couple of types who heard this. First, those registered their phone in the name of their two year old. When you registered the phone in someones name at this company, that had to be the person who called in the outage. Some would say "oh, I'm Billie," to which we'd respond "so you were born two years ago?" You were stupid enough to do something "cute," and look where it got you. A broken phone no-one will help you with.
The second type were the "I didn't read the fine print for the ringtone" people - the ones who couldn't wrap their heads around the fact that when it says at the bottom that you'll get a ringtone - and get charged for said ringtone - every week until the end of eternity unless you're good enough to hand over your soul to good ol' Satan, well... they're always the ones who are the most surprised when they end up getting charged. So, simple "nope, not my problem, call the company you bought it from," and they're on their way.
"You need to go to the store for that" types were those with damaged phones. Our call center was so fabulous we weren't actually allowed to do any sort of tech/troubleshooting for folks. Whatever was broken, even if it was something we understood and could fix, we weren't allowed.
The more I thought of it, the more I wonder why the hell they actually paid us for anything...
As for the third type, those were the ones I actually wished I could help. They were the ones getting harrasing phone calls, text messages, photos... there's little more heartwrenching then telling a mother that there is nothing you can do for her 12 year old, who's getting dirty images, messages and voicemails via her cellphone, and having her almost break down on the phone with you. Those folks, I'd point to the police. The police would then work with the company, get the records, etc... again, I wouldn't actually be able to do anything.
Course, I'm still not sure I agree that 12 years olds should have phones, but that's another matter.
But the icing on the cake was one of the last calls I took there.
For reference, this was Ireland. We didn't get many loud Americans on the phone, mostly just loud Irish folks. The fact that he was American had little to do with the story, but this was the day I first had the proof that sucky customers truly transcend borders.
This guy had been calling in all day, to various different reps. He wanted to know how he should dial to get back through to America. Not from a cell phone, nothing to do with the actual company he was calling, just what he should dial... Most of the people who called in before tried to explain to him that we didn't have that information - that perhaps he would be better calling Directory Inquiries, or perhaps looking in the phone book. In other words, they were doing their jobs.
Angry Entitlement Man doesn't like this. This makes AEM Angry. AEM Smash.
So he goes through reps, and they drop like flies before his anger. Or, well, they disconnect him after warning him three times to stop cursing/raving (as I remember, this is something that every call centre in Ireland is required to inform their staff they can do, but, strangely, few do). Of course, I don't know this right now - all I know is that I am really, really tired of people who decided to buy ringtones.
The call comes through to me, and so the fun begins:
Me: Welcome to SuchandSuchfone, how can I help you today?
AEM: I need to know how to dial to America. Can you help me?
(note the trap... he's polite right now. He's luring me into his web, preparing to devour me hole! Run, young me, run for your life!)
Me: Yes, sir. On SuchandSuchfone service you di-
AEM: Oh, no, I just need to know how to dial to America on any old phone.
Me: You're not a customer of SuchandSuchfone, sir?
AEM: No, son, I'm not. But I'd still like some help...
(I have fallen in to the trap! It's too late now - I have decided to be "nice." Curse me.)
Me: Ok (drawing up google on my computer, preparing to search for the exact term), I'll look it up now, sir. If I remember correctly, when I called to Ireland from Italy..
(that was me thinking aloud, see. I was thinking maybe it would be similar, and I would be able to confirm it for him. How foolish of me to volunteer something he didn't actually want.)
AEM: I'm not trying to call Ireland from Italy, son, I want to know how to call the USA.
Me: I'm sorry, sir, I was just-
AEM: GODDAMN STUPID *&$^ING PEOPLE, I'VE BEEN ASKING YOU &$#*S ALL DAY HOW TO CALL HOME, THAT'S ALL I WANT TO KNOW!
Me: Sir, if you'll just calm down...
AEM: AND THERE YOU GO CALLING ME &^$#ING SIR AGAIN! YOU LITTLE &*^$, JUST TELL ME WHAT I NEED TO KNOW! NOW!
Me: B-but, sir-
AEM: YOU JUST &^%*ING CALLED ME SIR AGAIN! YOU CALL ME SIR AGAIN AND I'LL KILL YOU! JUST TELL ME THE INFO! NOW!
(Now, a final little pause in the action. I'm fairly certain that this is the point that my mind broke, and I became a true customer service rep. You know, broken of spirit.)
Me: I'll get right on that for you...
AEM: THAT'S more like it.
Me: ... Sir.
Oh, the sound of that phone hangin up was a sweet, sweet sound. As far as I know, he didn't call back again, and I didn't get in trouble. After all, all I did was call him Sir... which was company policy.
Only some of the above conversation was paraphrased - given that that was one of the most satisfying "sucky" customers I've ever had to deal with, I remember a great deal of it.
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