Dear Abby??

[repsac]

I suspect, that the next Dear Abby may have an apology to Nicki in it. Or at the very least Abby will see what mistake she has made in this. I'd love to be a fly on the wall when she gets some of those letters about her condoning sexual harassment. (which technically she did.)

[crazylegs]

I think that sums it up quite nicely.

Dear Abby,

It is with regret that I am writing to you in response to your advice given to NICKI, the retail worker who, quite rightly, has an issue with unwanted touching and manhandling at work. To suffer unlawful violence is assault and to advise someone that they should keep silent about such treatment is disgusting.

No-one has the right to touch another human being without their consent be they a person on the street or someone working in retail or a service industry, perhaps there should be some clearer advice to us all to remind people of their boundries.

People do not cease to become human when they put on a stores uniform, nor do they deserve anything other than our respect whilst they serve us, to advocate anything other (as you have done so by implying unwanted touching is OK) than that is plain wrong.

[Zyanya]

Dear Abby,

As someone who has worked retail, I find your response to Nicki absolutely horrifying. I suffered from anxiety attacks during my pregnancy. People thought they had the right to come paw at me, and would complain to my supervisor if I politely requested they keep their hands to themselves. The stress actually cased me to have to be in the hospital at one point. You suggested finding a new job as though decent jobs are being handed out on street corners for all comers. What should I have done, quit and hope welfare pays the bills just because some rude jerks don't understand that my wearing a nametag is not an excuse to assault me at their leisure?

-Annoyed

[technical.angel]

I just think it would be spiffy cool if there's a deluge of CS letters in a future Dear Abby column! Keep posting and we'll see them!

[Primer]

I'm not nearly as bad now as I used to be, but when I was 16, I was assaulted from behind. I used to react very violently to anybody touching me from behind. I still don't like being touched, especially by somebody I don't know, or unexpectedly.

Last year, DH, his sister and I went to the Texas Parks and Wildlife Expo in Austin. We were all in our wheelchairs, as we cannot do long distances or times on foot. A person dressed up as Shamu came up and put his/her fin around me. Through clenched teeth, I proclaimed, "I eat fish for breakfast." Thankfully, he/she removed his/her fin pretty quickly. Had it been 10 years ago, I'd have been eating sushi for lunch.

Yeah, it's completely inappropriate for anybody to put their hands on anybody else for any reason besides saving their life, or arresting them.

[MystyGlyttyr]

I would write a Dear Abby letter, but she and I already did some verbal rumbling a couple years ago over her response to a schoolchild, where she basically told him "Your teacher is always right no matter what and you better just accept that." I'm pretty sure after the e-mauling she got from me after that one, all my addresses are blocked...

[mattm04]

On Easter one of our regular old coot SC's who doesn't believe that policies apply to him came it. He started to wander into my back room and I had to shoo him out. He requested that i help him close a pastry box that we have by our self serve case.

I took the box in the back room closed it and tape it shut as he requested. I handed it back to him. He asks a few questions, I answer them. As he leave he pats me on they back ans says "good boy." He tried to rub my shoulder but I pulled away and told him to knock it off. He told me that it was OK.

What Mr. SC doesn't know is that i have told management and they will deal w/ Mr. SC next time he asks me for help.

[Record Store Tough Guy]

I used to react very violently to anybody touching me from behind. I still don't like being touched, especially by somebody I don't know, or unexpectedly.

And this is why people have no business touching people they don't know. I can overlook a light touch on the arm, depending on context, but to be grabbed and violently dragged somewhere? Without warning? You're asking for chin'na #1.

Some people are trained to react without thinking, and could potentially hurt someone before they realized it.

Maybe I should point that out to Abby...

[SuperB]

Here's my response:

I'm afraid you missed the mark in your response to Nicki in Maryland who works in retail and was asking how to advise customers that it is not ok to touch her. Telling her to find a job that isn't retail implies that you agree that a customer has the right to touch and invade an employees personal space. This is not true. There are many reasons one does not want to be touched by a complete stranger. Touching someone's hand will transfer germs. What if someone grabs the arm of an employee who has been through an abusive relationship or an attack? Such an act can trigger Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome.
The customer is not always right and does not have the right to touch an employee for any reason. The employee has every right to expect the customer to behave properly. As the owner of my own business I would most definitely back up any employee who politely asked a customer to respect their space.

Signed,
In defense of personal space

[powerboy]

What would possess someone to touch a stranger, retail worker or not? I have never touched a retail worker unless they were handing me bags. That is such a foreign concept to me. You'd better believe someone grabs my arm to pull me somewhere, they're going to lose a hand...

And this is why people have no business touching people they don't know. I can overlook a light touch on the arm, depending on context, but to be grabbed and violently dragged somewhere? Without warning? You're asking for chin'na #1.

Some people are trained to react without thinking, and could potentially hurt someone before they realized it.

Truly the same with me

[Record Store Tough Guy]

Probably a little rambling, but here's what I ended up sending.

Abby,

Your advice to Nicki was at best misguided, and at worst, irresponsible. By telling her that she should allow people to touch her inappropriately for fear of losing a customer gives implicit permission for rude people to ignore good manners and common sense, and fosters an attitude that retail workers are somehow less than human.

It is NEVER acceptable for someone to touch another person, especially once the toucher has been asked to stop. Not to mention grabbing someone and dragging them along could be considered Assault and Battery in some jurisdictions.

Along those lines, here's something else to consider: quite a few people with Martial Arts experience are trained to react without thinking in just such a situation, and could hurt someone quite seriously before realizing what they had done. Please consider that the next time you side with someone who can't keep their hands to themselves.

Respectfully,
Likes his Personal Space

[TryNotToBeThatOne]

I weighed in as well

Ms. Phillips, have you ever worked in retail? Your response to Nicki in Maryland leads me to doubt that.

It is not respectful to invade someone else's personal space. It is not respectful to grab a stranger by the arm, unless you are falling down. Even then, it's merely excusable, not polite.

As someone who as worked in retail and as someone who is not particularly sensitive about being touched, I heartily disagree with your advice. It contributes to the attitude of 'service people are less. They are not worthy of respect' that permeates our culture.

While it may, depending on the specific incident, be good advice to seek input from a supervisor; 'get another job' is not. Depending on the employment opportunities, that may not be possible. There may not be any jobs that are not customer service-oriented available. Or perhaps Nicki is a student and that's the best job that fits her schedule.

The problem with the 'customer is always right' theory of customer service is that it has been abused. If customers were always polite, understanding and reasonable it would be viable. As it is, they aren't and it isn't.

Signed,
Disappointed in Abby

[k386trl]

I sent in a response also, along the lines of what you guys said. Hopefully she posts an apology to Nicki.

[myswtghst]

I, too, sent a response, similar to those above, but forgot to copy it to paste it in here. Suffice to say, I commented that I was upset with her response, and that "get another job" was never a suitable response.

I also mentioned that perhaps by gently giving negative reinforcement to these customers, we can train them into better customers, who would not touch a stranger without their permission. Here's hoping.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Well, well, well.

Seems in certain situations, it's NOT okay to touch others. Apparently, if you are a pregnant woman, Abby advises the touchee to speak up for herself:

http://m.floridatoday.com/news.jsp?key=19303

And, frankly, I'm flabbergasted to learn that she advises people to not touch service dogs while they are working, if you can get your head around that in the light of all this:

http://www.chicagotribune.com/featur...1767414.column

So, you shouldn't touch a dog while he's working but a fellow human being who is wearing a nametag, you should feel free to drag around the store and treat like a slave or worse.

This woman is out of her fucking gourd.