When I say "company policy", I don't mean "suggestion". (longish)

[unclejampuff]

My day job is working customer service/warehouse management at a liquidator. Basically, when some stores get returns or overstock(mostly electronics), they sell it to us at a discount. We repair, repackage, clean up, etc etc the items. Then we sell them on eBay, Overstock, at flea markets, to other resellers, blah blah. Most of these items are in excellent working condition, and a fair amount are like new. You could get a Sansa e280 for a third of the retail price. Sounds awesome, huh?
What a pity that SC's don't like to read. If I had a dime for every customer who failed to read that this or that item has been used, I could afford to buy it at full retail price. If the listing says something you don't like, DON'T BID ON IT!!! OMGWTFDIAFBBQ. We are not forcing you to bid on these. There are three million other liquidators on eBay alone.
Yes, that 360 has been refurbished. On the auction page, we said as such, explained that Microsoft will not honor warranties on refurbished items, and that all sales are final. So when you call me sixteen months down the line that the 360 is broken and Microsoft won't fix it for free, I can't and won't do anything for you.
The same goes when an item is listed without a remote or other accessories. We can only sell items we have; if a TV isn't returned with a remote, we can't include it. No, we don't have one lying around. No, we're not going to buy you one. WE SAID THERE WAS NO REMOTE STABZSTABZSTABZ.
Pallet items are big. That's why they are on a pallet. Pallets are not mailed like a wee package. They are freight items. Freight costs a bit more than shipping, depending on the weight of the item and the distance from us. So don't be so surprised when your 200+ lbs tv costs over $700 to ship to the other side of the country. You can call or email us to get an estimate on freight, but you really should do that before you bid on it.
When we say that we don't ship to other countries, we actually mean it. Mexico is not a US state. Nigeria is not a US state. Yes, I'm aware that Fort Erie is, like, RIGHT THERE, but since that's in Canada, we're not shipping it to you. You can come and pick it up at our warehouse, but WE'RE NOT SHIPPING IT TO ANOTHER COUNTRY. Anyone who has had to deal with custom forms will probably understand why we're not budging on this one, not even a little. Ugh.
When you bid on something, you are agreeing to a binding contract, as per every auction site I've dealt with. If you decide that $380s too high for a new 60gb PS3, you can't go back on that bid. You have to pay if, or suffer a penalty. These are not our rules, but the websites'. It takes time and money for an item to be listed, so you need to READ THE LISTING BEFORE YOU BID! I don't care if your toddler bid on it without your consent. I don't care that you lost your glasses and can't read that well. I don't care that you didn't know we don't accept checks. I don't care if you saw a better deal somewhere else. You bid, you pay. Or else you... pay.

Every now and then we have someone in the area come by and pick up their items. Great, lovely, I'll even walk you through the process of setting up an appointment. But don't come at 11:15AM when your appointment is for 3:00PM. We need time to pull your items from the warehouse. Don't bring a 2-door itty-bitty car when you've got a full pallet of items. You also might want to secure your gigantic big-screen TV before you drive off. We are not replacing it when it gets dinged or scratched or frickin shattered. You were told that we don't have any warranty on our items not only on the auction page, but verbally right before we loaded it onto your truck!
We have many many MANY expensive items in our warehouse. Yeah, that's a whole PILE of Wii's. It's so sexy. Over there is our iPod section. Nice stuff, too. So you can imagine we don't like just anyone walking about. That's why we've posted (4) signs to alert you that this is an employee-only area. We've also posted (7!!!!) signs directing you to ring the bell for assistance. So when I get annoyed that I found you in my warehouse, complaining that there's no one to help you, suck it. If you ring the bell, we can hear it throughout the warehouse. There is nary a corner where the dulcet tones do not sound. I didn't hear anything. What? There should've been someone there at all times? We get maybe one pick-up a day. Having someone man the pick-up office is a complete waste of time and money. You don't walk into someone's house, do you? No, you ring the bell and wait for someone to come to the door. At least I dearly hope you do.

Lauren's lesson for today: Read before you bid. Or so help me, my widdle cupcakes, I will magically appear and smack you.

[Record Store Tough Guy]

Chances are very good anything being shipped to Nigeria is somehow being acquired fraudulently, so I wouldn't worry about offending anybody wanting items shipped there.

[Meadhands]

It's also not okay to go into someone's house and take someone's s**t without asking, but some of those little bastards do it anyway.

Of course, what you are talk is more of an INTELLIGENCE issue rather then a LEGALITY issue... I just hate little bastards. Or 'kids,' for the PC people out there.

I always would break instantly out in sweat when someone came into the off limits area when I worked my old job alone. What the hell makes you think you can come BEHIND the counter and through TWO DOORS and bug me in the back room while I am grabbing shit? You can call and I will hear you, you know. It is a VERY small store. You could probably whisper suggestively to the VHS and I would hear you. So stay out there, dumbass!

Ah... feeling better now.

[unclejampuff]

Chances are very good anything being shipped to Nigeria is somehow being acquired fraudulently, so I wouldn't worry about offending anybody wanting items shipped there.

I've caught 5 Nigerian scams in the 16 months that I've been working CS here. The hard part about 3 of them was that they were being shipped to someone in the US, who would then ship them to Nigeria. The only way we found out about them was that someone whose CC info had been stolen called us to ask about the charge. So it's entirely possible that more have occurred.
I did have an awesome time talking with the cops in the towns the items had been shipped to. I was all "PROFESSOR LAYTON STRIKES AGAIN!!"

[Andara Bledin]

Gah!

What is it about online auctions that makes people's brains turn off and their fingers hit the bid button?!?

My company is currently selling a widget we have a lot of through eBay. We sell a lot of them. In the listing, we make a point of saying, no less than 7 times, that we don't have the part that connects the widget to the device it is an upgrade on. We get asked, every. single. day!, if it comes with the connection piece. Gah!

The last one asked in extremely broken English. So, not only can't comprehend the listing, but will have difficulty communicating. There's a good chance that one is going on the blocked bidders list. We don't really want to find out what the hell else that guy can't comprehend in the listing.

Dear Canada: I love you, I really do. You are a great country to have as a neighbor. However, your customs is a complete bitch, and I am sorry that she has a habit of holding things for no discernible reason for weeks at a time, but that (and some asshats that even you don't want to acknowledge can't get it through their feeble little minds that it's not the seller's fault that an item is stuck in customs or requires customs fees) is the reason most sellers will not ship to anywhere other than another US location. Heck, it's often harder to get things into Canada than it is to get them to, say, Japan.

There are a lot of scams out there where the scammer will run an ad for people to work at home laundering money and shipping stolen product. Only, they don't say that's what is happening. Scenario goes like this: money comes into a PayPal account set up by the mark. the mark takes the money, keeps a percentage, then sends a cashier's check to the scammer. the mark then ships an item bought with stolen funds from their own location to another assocaite of the scammer or to the scammer himself. I can't believe anyone falls for this carp. Although, it's not nearly as obvious as the Nigerian (you'll get millions for nothing) scam, and people still fall for that one, too.

^-.-^

[StevieJD]

Pallet items are big. That's why they are on a pallet. Pallets are not mailed like a wee package. They are freight items. Freight costs a bit more than shipping, depending on the weight of the item and the distance from us. So don't be so surprised when your 200+ lbs tv costs over $700 to ship to the other side of the country. You can call or email us to get an estimate on freight, but you really should do that before you bid on it.


Don't bring a 2-door itty-bitty car when you've got a full pallet of items. You also might want to secure your gigantic big-screen TV before you drive off. We are not replacing it when it gets dinged or scratched or frickin shattered.

Actually freight charges are quite reasonable and easy to compute. All you need to know is the distance traveled, weight of the goods, density of the goods, ease of damaging the goods, services required by the consignee, services required by the shipper, fuel surcharge and which direction from which the wind blows. See, nothing to it.

The problem is idiot customers that have never accepted a freight shipment. Not their fault they have never accpeted a freight shipment, but they won't F******* listen when somebody explains that freight is NOT like UPS and FedEX. While I can "magically" pull a $ number out of midair it is because I have been doing this for half my life and can pretty much guess and be fairly close. Oops, that is assuming that you live within an hours drive of the freight terminal. Oops, and that is assuming that you don't want an "appointment" or the driver to bring you a plate of freshly baked cookies.


Yep, I just love those calls that start with "do you think your monstermasher 1200 that is 9' long and weighs 3500 lbs will fit into my subcompact car". Worse are the idiots that show up with a subcompact car AFTER they have made such a call. Please God, make that person sterile so they can not breed any more SC's.


.

[fish3k1]

Yep, I just love those calls that start with "do you think your monstermasher 1200 that is 9' long and weighs 3500 lbs will fit into my subcompact car". Worse are the idiots that show up with a subcompact car AFTER they have made such a call. Please God, make that person sterile so they can not breed any more SC's.

I feel your pain. People need to understand that the manufacturers of small cars simply do not have access to timelord technology, and have not yet built a working model of the TARDIS

[Difdi]

I will never forget the schmuck who backed a little import pickup truck up to the workshop, and demanded we help him load up a piece of equipment he was there for. He pitched a fit when we told him there was no way in hell it was going to happen. As if it was *our* fault that the item in question (a *large* lathe) was twice the gross weight of his vehicle, and nearly as long as the entire vehicle, forget putting it in the bed!

[Andara Bledin]

Actually freight charges are quite reasonable and easy to compute. All you need to know is the distance traveled, weight of the goods, density of the goods, ease of damaging the goods, services required by the consignee, services required by the shipper, fuel surcharge and which direction from which the wind blows. See, nothing to it.

Oh, I wish it were that easy. You forgot two vital and very, very important things.

First, you have to know the dimensions. You don't have dimensions, make something up because you can't get a quote without the freight company knowing what size the item will be.

Second, you absolutely must know what the item you are shipping is. Now, with things like consumer electronics, this isn't much of a problem. But for things like industrial items, it can be a bitch and a half requiring no less than half an hour with the freight rep discussing what the hell it is you're having transported so they can apply the right code to it.

Oh, and don't think of looking up the code yourself. The freight industry has made it so the list is not publicly available (like it should be, bastards) and requires that someone who is actually in the business pays a butt-ton of money to have access to.

^-.-^

[StevieJD]

First, you have to know the dimensions. You don't have dimensions, make something up because you can't get a quote without the freight company knowing what size the item will be.

Density is a calculation that involves size. I just simplified the equation for this presentation.

By the way, get the NMFC Freight Class value for all of your products. Then all you need to know is the Class, weights and zips to get a quote.

Got too many items? Just GUESS.

Freight Class 50 is the basic charge. Class 60 is 20% higher than Class 50. Class 100 is 2x Class 50. Class 500 is 10x Class 50.

So pick a number that works for most of your products. I do a lot of Class 85 stuff, so I have always used Class 85 for getting quotes. It is quick and screens out customers that think I am going to charge them $40 for a $1000 freight bill.

[Andara Bledin]

Got too many items? Just GUESS.

Well, that would be ok if it weren't for the fact that sometimes two items that are the same exact thing except for the weight to purchase price (not actual value) makes a difference between $500 to ship it and $1000 to ship it. I'm going from experience o this one. It took nearly an hour with our freight company (these are people who do this for a living) explaining what was being shipped and going over the details before we could figure out what the hell class it was supposed to be.

Thankfully for us, it was actually the cheaper one.

^-.-^