you be the judge...(semi long)

[Sarlon]

Alright...I guess this is a toss up. Whos the SC? My Dad? or the Waitor?

heres the scene...

March 2rd (sorry forgot we did it a few days early), sunday, 6:30pm...
Its my birthday ^_^ parents take me and a friend along with my brother, and his girlfriend to dinner at a restraunt...its semi busy so we ask if we can sit at the bar till a table is ready for us. We go to the bar and order some drinks, and before they arrive, our table is ready so we get them moved to there...hostess sets our menu's out and says our server will be with us shortly. Drinks arrive, 5 minutes later our waiter arrives.

Dad orders our wine (yes we're all old enough to drink), and several appitizers. Waiter acts like this is a HUGE inconvience. Dad tries joking around and asking a few questions (playing the politician that he once was, ALWAYS gets people to loosen up). waiter still acts like he doesn't want to even be here.

Salad and breadsticks are brought for all while the appitizers are coming, wine arrives and the guy barely knows how to open the bottles (yes we got 3 of them, no we aren't drunks >.>). someone else brings out our appitizers while he takes our dinner orders, dad tries aGAIN to try and get him to loosen up. Now I understand waiters aren't supposed to get really personal with customers, but honestly my dad tips according to how well you put up with him...(copule of years ago dad gave a waitress a $100 tip simply because she put up with dad and was having a REALLY bad day and she said he made the night easier even with the $300 bill we rounded up, heck he even stood up for her when she was about to get in trouble with the supervisor for my brother helping her open a bottle of wine.)

dinner arrives and we order more wine...dad getting annoyed tries AGAIN to get him to loosen up and he has the NERVE to tell my dad to bug off its none of his business hes just doing his job...(thats not EXACTLY what he said...but thats what he implied)

now...heres the question...was dad being an SC for trying to treat the waiter like a REAL person instead of a wage slave? or was the waiter being the SP?

[myswtghst]

It's hard for me to judge without knowing more about what your dad actually said. If waiter was having a crap day and just wanted to get his job done and get gone, I could see getting annoyed with someone being overly friendly. That being said, unless your dad was getting personal or obnoxious, I don't see it as being SC-ish.

My dad is very over-the-top friendly and full of stupid jokes, and I know I'll tell him to tone it down if I can tell the waiter just isn't having any of it. Myself, I'll smile and be polite, but I won't push if the server just seems to want to do their job. Granted, I won't tip as well if you're not at least friendly, but that's the price the server pays if they act cold or unfriendly for no apparent reason.

[Evil Queen]

Being the daughter of a man who LOVES to pick on the waitstaff.... and a former waitress myself... I must say the waiter has a stick up his butt! Your Dad was trying to be cordial and I understand where he's coming from; even if the waiter was having a bad day he shouldn't have treated your party like that.

[Sarlon]

on a side note...he also had to gal to complain to a co-worker while dad was walking behind him...that he only got a 5% tip...I'm sorry but if your cold and don't even greet your customers with a smile and a "hello my name is "sam" I'll be taking care of you tonight".

We had to ask him for his name, and dad DID let up...dad complained to the manager, and the higher ups....guy still works there, so far as we know...dad wasn't the type to get someone fired over this just find out whats going on.

[Bright_Star]

After about 5 minutes your dad should have stopped trying to be nice to the waiter after said waiter was obviously in a bad mood. You know what they say..."You can't polish a turd"...lol.

[poofy_puff]

This must have happened in...2002? March 3rd of 2008 was a Monday (also MY anniversary - Yes, that's right, I'm married to myself!).

[myswtghst]

on a side note...he also had to gal to complain to a co-worker while dad was walking behind him...that he only got a 5% tip...I'm sorry but if your cold and don't even greet your customers with a smile and a "hello my name is "sam" I'll be taking care of you tonight".

That kind of seals it that waiter was being sucky. No matter what, you DO NOT complain about tips within earshot of customers. While your dad may have been a bit pushy, it wasn't outright sucky. A waiter can at least do the bare minimum of being friendly if they're going to expect a decent tip. Acting like the customer is a burden rather than someone you're being paid to serve is rude.

[ShinyGreenApple]

We all have bad days. Really. But IMO, it's never, ever okay to take it out on a customer, least of all if they haven't even done anything sucky, which it sounds like you didn't. Heck, I'd rather have someone trying to get me to 'loosen' up and telling dumb jokes than barking complaints at me!

As far as wait staff being personal with customers, no, you don't need to be their best friend, but I've learned from experience that your tips rely on your ability to 'schmooze' as it were. In a day and age of automated telephone systems and self-checkouts, a lot of customers are eager to get 'real person' interaction.

It just sounds like your particular waiter isn't a people person, and yes, he was sucky to treat you like an aggravation and then complain about his crummy tip in plain earshot.

[rerant]

I think it would all depend exactly what your dad said and how he said it. Maybe he wasn't being sucky, but not everyone is going to be receptive to whatever behaviour he was exhibiting.

I know personally even if someone is trying to lighten my mood at work if I'm in a bad mood pretty much nothing is going to get me out of it.

More than anything I think this is one of those "you'd have to have been there" situations to really get a sense of it.
We can't really get a feel for how your dad was saying what he did, nor can we get a feel for how the waiter was specifically reacting.

Overall I think it was a case of two people misreading each other, both of whom would have been better off just merely letting the other exist without pushing for further interraction.
Sometimes that's all you really need anyway.

[marasbaras]

My take: it's the waiter being sucky. I'm sorry, it's their JOB to be somewhat personable. Having a bad day? Leave it behind.

A waiter's pay depends upon tips. Tips are OPTIONAL. They should at least try to be friendly. And, when they're not, don't expect customers to fork over the tip anyway.

I'm like the OP's dad. I left a $50 tip for a $12 meal once. The waitress had perfect timing and managed to be sweet and made a bad day good.

On the other hand, I've left 2 cents for a $75 bill. The guy was just snotty and acted like we were disturbing him for being there.

[gunsage]

Fact: Waiter's job requires them to associate with customers.

Fact: Tips are optional. They are not required. At all. Period.

Fact: Knowing this, I could give a **** if you're having a bad day, you know you need to earn that tip.

This indeed makes me sound like an SC and I'm sorry. I'm also not trying to steer the conversation into the direction of tipping priorities, etc. The waiter was definitely sucky. Come on...it really doesn't matter what's going on. TRY to do your ****ing job. Really, that's all. If it's SUCH an inconvenience to do your job when someone's trying to make it "better" for you, YOU need to bugger off. That's my verdict, anyway.

[ravenrose]

I agree, it was the waiter being the SC. Waiters have to earn their tip, and know that about the job. I know it's hard work, but if that's not your personality (and while it is mine, I can't serve my way out of a wet paper bag), then you should get another job. Having a bad night? Act like you're not, or you pretty much don't get paid.

Some servers on here may say, well, that's not fair, you should still tip, they don't make much. I work on commission. I don't sell, I don't eat. That's why I know when I'm having a bad day, I probably won't do that good.

(Besides, you had, what, 4+ bottles of wine? Your bill would have been a pretty penny, and that should make ANY server perk up .)

If he hadn't complained about the tip, but had just dealt with a small tip, then I might just write it off as a bad day. But this sounds like a bad attitude.

Just my 2¢.

[Titi]

Except for the tipping comment, I don't think that either was really sucky because as was said before we do not have both sides here.

I once worked at a place (and quit after this incident) where I had 3 tables was very personable and attentive and then was told to take care of a party in the back room for 30 people. I asked about the tables that I already had and owner 1 told me that they would be taken care of by others on the wait staff.

So I go and get the drink orders for the party, as I am getting their drinks, I am confronted by owner 2 who is literally yelling at me for neglecting my tables in the main dining room. (My tables had complained to him.) I explained what owner 1 said and owner 1 lied and said that I said that I could handle a party of 30 and the 3 tables I had in the dining room. WTF!

So after being told how incompetent and stupid I am for taking on more than I could do. (and that's putting it nicely.) I am moved to dining room to take over all of the tables in there. No problem, I'm doing a good job. But I am distant because if I attempt to "lighten up" I know that I will start crying.

Maybe it's possible that since you noticed that he had a problem opening the wine and with the appetizers that he was a victim of all of that as well??

[Sarlon]

(Besides, you had, what, 4+ bottles of wine? Your bill would have been a pretty penny, and that should make ANY server perk up .)

total bill...6 entrees, 5 bottles of wine, 4 appitizers, and 2 mixed drinks...$296

yes we don't eat cheaply...but what the hey...it was my birthday and my well off parents were paying >.>

and no my dad's not the type that just cause he is REALLY well off, means that you are less of a person...hell he used to be in politics...campaign trail with LBJ...there at watergate...

Dad's the type of person that if he likes you ALOT and you respond well...he'll help you get your foot in the door places. We were on vacation in England a few years ago and had dinner at a fairly nice place in a town we stopped the night in...warwick I think...(2 week driving tour of england was nice ^_^) and dad got talking with our waiter...next day we're having lunch with the gentleman and dad gave him some contact information in the state department back in the US to get his application pushed up for a student visa he was trying to get...

not to brag more on my dad...but I got my passport renewed and back to me in a week...before I was to go to england (another completely different trip) with 3 days to spare...