Things I wish I could say to a SC

[Miyon]

What was it the SC wanted Word to do? I am curious, and might consider it a challenge to try it myself.

This wasnt a single call. This was every day. Example. People wanted word to do spreadsheets like Excel. or databases like Access.

I would say about 50% of calls fell into that catagory.
like: Page numbering, OMG those were the worst calls. Word does page number fine if you dont want anything but the default settings. Any changes and your on the phone with them for about an hour.
"But I want the title page with no number, the second and third with letters instead of numbers, and then number for the rest but the numbers must sart at 1".

[ThePhoneGoddess]

Ooooooooooooooooooh.

things I'd like to say to customers:

SC: *whiny* Why do I have to go through this?
Me: Because Baby Jesus hates you. Didn't you get the memo?

SC: *determined* You WILL give me my minutes right now!
Me: You WILL go stick your head in the nearest toilet!

SC: My kid used the card! I didn't authorize the charges and you HAVE to give me my money back!
Me: And my cat shit on the bathroom floor today. Should I call the landlord and yell at him to come clean it up?

SC: I've been on the phone for an hour with you people!
Me: Oh, sir, I am sorry about that, let me see what i can do to shorten the experience for you...*click*

[chinashirtgirl]

SC: I've been on the phone for an hour with you people!
Me: Oh, sir, I am sorry about that, let me see what i can do to shorten the experience for you...*click*

Hahahaha!! That's brilliant!!

[blas]

SC:"You really need to lower the price of gas right now!"
Me: "Hold on a sec, let me go to the bathroom and change into my Bush costume and I'll be right out to do that."

SC: "You are PRICE GAUGING!"
Me: "And you are giving yourself a sore throat."

SC: "But ye manager ALWAYS does it for ME!"
Me: "Just like your wife ALWAYS does it for you?"

[Estil]

SC: I like the way [competitor] does it better or it's cheaper/easier at [competitor] (and so on)
Me: If you think [competitor] is so great, then do your shopping there and leave us alone about it! Sheesh...

I mean seriously, it's no different than if your b/f or g/f told you that you were a great guy/girl but he/she liked the way an ex did or said something better constantly. How would that make YOU feel?

[blas]

SC= Kwik Trip has cheaper smokes
Me= Maybe if you tap your heels together 3 times and say "There's no place like Kwik Trip", your dream will come true and you'll save 10 cents on a pack of smokes.

[Fiyero]

The problem I have is that I have kinda started saying it.
I work for the NHS booking appointments and to do that you need a password. It says so on the letter, and on the reminder letter it says so again and what to do if you don't know it. It also says to have it ready on the message before you speak to me.

SC: I don't have a password, I never got the letter
me: As it says on the letter you need a password and if you don't have it your GP can remind you of it.
SC: GRRRRR

what is more fun....

ME: the earliest appointment is May the 20th, would that be convenient?
SC: Is that the earliest?
ME: the earliest appointment is May the 20th
SC: is there nothing sooner?
ME: the earliest appointment is May the 20th

[Ironclad Alibi]

The SC probably wanted the little paperclip guy to come to life in his living room and do tricks. Or have MS Word do his taxes, or paint his living room, or fix his copier....the possibilites are endless.

I can do the trick with the paperclip guy, but my wife won't let me shoot him with the shotgun in the living room. Believe me, if Clippy is in my living room, the shotgun will be used. Clippy's removal was a factor in upgrading to Office 2007.

This wasnt a single call. This was every day. Example. People wanted word to do spreadsheets like Excel. or databases like Access.

I would say about 50% of calls fell into that catagory.
like: Page numbering, OMG those were the worst calls. Word does page number fine if you dont want anything but the default settings. Any changes and your on the phone with them for about an hour.
"But I want the title page with no number, the second and third with letters instead of numbers, and then number for the rest but the numbers must sart at 1".

Ugh. Unrealistic stuff. Word does do calculations, and creative page numbering can be fun.

[Andara Bledin]

Clippy's removal was a factor in upgrading to Office 2007.

I have the cat on mine. Won't use the paperclip, ever.

^-.-^

[Jester]

"I've been coming here for 25 years!"

Actually happened to my coworker....

SC: "We've never had a problem with this before, and we've been coming here for 30 years!"
CW: "That's pretty interesting, considering we've only been open 19!"
SC:

Owned.


Some things I actually HAVE said to customers:

"Get out of my bar!"

"Shut the fuck up!"

"Shut up and drink."

JESTER: "There you go, sir."
CUSTOMER: "Oh, I'm definitely not a sir."
JESTER: "Okay. There you go, asshole."


As I've said before, it amazes me what I can say to people and get away with it. It does of course help that I come across as a funny smartass AND that I can usually read people well enough to know just WHO I can say such things to.

[cloudiko]

SC: *whiny* Why do I have to go through this?
Me: Because Baby Jesus hates you. Didn't you get the memo?

hahahahahahahahahaha, I want to use this one.

SC: I've been on the phone for an hour with you people!
Me: Oh, sir, I am sorry about that, let me see what i can do to shorten the experience for you...*click*

Brilliant. I wish I could end conversations with that kind of ruthless efficiency.

[JoitheArtist]

JESTER: "There you go, sir."
CUSTOMER: "Oh, I'm definitely not a sir."
JESTER: "Okay. There you go, asshole."

Bwahahahahahahahaha!!! That's great!

What would I say to customers? Let's see....

SC: I wanna join!
Me: Alright, I'd be happy to help you join! Individual membership is $20, and we'll be happy to help you find a group in your area.
SC: What??! You can't just give me a phone number? You're telling me I have to pay to get anything from you??

What I have to say: Most of our information is restricted to members only, spam protection, security, blah blah blah

What I WANT to say: Yes, you pay me, I deliver goods and/or services. Isn't a free market economy a wonderful thing?

[Estil]

SC: Hey, I can get this for 50 cents cheaper at [competitor]!
Me: Great, why don't you use that 50 cents to call someone who cares? :P