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No, this is not going to be a discussion about appropriate percentages and all that....that rarely goes well, after all, and varies from culture to culture.
But I submit here for your approval a list of "tips" that SCs have been known to give in lieu of actual money or what most people would consider a decent tip. Things that these SCs apparently feel ARE appropriate.
Well, kids, they're not.
Religious tracts and literature.
Okay, Mr. Zealot, I am thrilled that you have found a religion that works for you. Have at it. But preaching to me is rude. Preaching to me where I work and am a captive audience and have to be nice to you is ruder. But "tipping" me with this pamphlet over actual money? That is just messed up. Not to mention cheap. Personally, I would rather you not tip me at all than leave with this condescending nonsense, which basically is saying that your beliefs are better than mine, and if I want to improve myself, I'll follow your lead.
Something tells me if I showed up at your job and preached my hedonistic pagan views to you, espousing the greatness of beer, partying, clothing optional bars and parties, and nude sun worship, you might be offended.
Well, I DON'T do that, because I am not rude, and don't try to force my views on others. So please, stop doing it to me.
Coupons to other businesses.
Are you serious Jack? You want me to come spend my money at your business or your friend's establishment, yet you leave, in place of a viable cash tip, this coupon? Why would I spend money at a place owned by a cheap sonofabiatch who doesn't have the courtesy to leave me a decent tip? You can take that coupon and you can shove it where your happy hour don't shine, pal.
Verbal tips.
"We just have to tell you, you did a great job! We never get service this good! We really appreciate it! You made our meal/night/experience very enjoyable!"
Etc., etc.
Now, don't get me wrong, I LIKE getting compliments. I do. I especially like it when those compliments are passed along from the customer to my management. Hell, it makes me look good! And most people who give out such compliments, I appreciate immensely. Except.
Except when it's the Dreaded Verbal Tip. For those in the service industry, you know what I'm talking about. For those NOT in the service industry, the verbal tip is when a customer is very effusive in their praise of you, but leaves a miserly lame-ass--or no-- cash tip.
I am not sure, not being one of these people, but I suspect that their thought process is that if they just say nice things to you, they are excused from actually tipping a normal or appropriate tip.
I wonder what these people would think if their boss, on pay day, gave them a lot of verbal praise in place of half their paycheck. Think they might be upset, despite the high praise?
You bet your lollipop, Kojak.
Foreign money.
When given with an appropriate cash tip of the money of the realm, this can be a nice little novel souvenir. I have some Bahamian and Mexican money in my wallet from such times. But I have also had people tip me in money from their country IN LIEU of American money. Seriously, what the hell am I gonna do with a seven meshuggenah note from Idiotnia?
Alcohol and Drugs.
Yes, I have been offered drinks and drugs as tips. Few bartenders mind when a guest buys them a drink--especially in this town--but a three dollar beer on a hundred dollar tab is not, my friend, a decent tip. And offering to let me toke up with you or snort your powder? Not my scene, not interested, and really don't want to be fired or arrested, thanks.
Food.
Yes, food. I have had people who are eating at my restaurant leave me food as my tip. Don't ask, I don't know.
I don't mind when, say, the Fishermen Brothers give me four pounds of freshly caught mackerel that they don't have room for in their hotel fridge. (Yes, that happened. Delicious!) But leaving me a half dozen donuts with the check instead of a cash tip? Not just cheap, but presumptive. (Unless, of course, they're maple-glazed. That's a whole different ball of sugar.)
Phone Numbers
Why is it that the only phone numbers that are ever left for me are from men (I'm not gay), ugly women (I'm not that desperate) or egocentric women who think they're deigning to socialize with me is adequate compensation for my services, and therefore an actual monetary tip is unnecessary. Honey, you're not that hot, and while I am easy, I am not that easy.
So, what do y'all think? Any inappropriate tips you've received over the years?
But I submit here for your approval a list of "tips" that SCs have been known to give in lieu of actual money or what most people would consider a decent tip. Things that these SCs apparently feel ARE appropriate.
Well, kids, they're not.
Religious tracts and literature.
Okay, Mr. Zealot, I am thrilled that you have found a religion that works for you. Have at it. But preaching to me is rude. Preaching to me where I work and am a captive audience and have to be nice to you is ruder. But "tipping" me with this pamphlet over actual money? That is just messed up. Not to mention cheap. Personally, I would rather you not tip me at all than leave with this condescending nonsense, which basically is saying that your beliefs are better than mine, and if I want to improve myself, I'll follow your lead.
Something tells me if I showed up at your job and preached my hedonistic pagan views to you, espousing the greatness of beer, partying, clothing optional bars and parties, and nude sun worship, you might be offended.
Well, I DON'T do that, because I am not rude, and don't try to force my views on others. So please, stop doing it to me.
Coupons to other businesses.
Are you serious Jack? You want me to come spend my money at your business or your friend's establishment, yet you leave, in place of a viable cash tip, this coupon? Why would I spend money at a place owned by a cheap sonofabiatch who doesn't have the courtesy to leave me a decent tip? You can take that coupon and you can shove it where your happy hour don't shine, pal.
Verbal tips.
"We just have to tell you, you did a great job! We never get service this good! We really appreciate it! You made our meal/night/experience very enjoyable!"
Etc., etc.
Now, don't get me wrong, I LIKE getting compliments. I do. I especially like it when those compliments are passed along from the customer to my management. Hell, it makes me look good! And most people who give out such compliments, I appreciate immensely. Except.
Except when it's the Dreaded Verbal Tip. For those in the service industry, you know what I'm talking about. For those NOT in the service industry, the verbal tip is when a customer is very effusive in their praise of you, but leaves a miserly lame-ass--or no-- cash tip.
I am not sure, not being one of these people, but I suspect that their thought process is that if they just say nice things to you, they are excused from actually tipping a normal or appropriate tip.
I wonder what these people would think if their boss, on pay day, gave them a lot of verbal praise in place of half their paycheck. Think they might be upset, despite the high praise?
You bet your lollipop, Kojak.
Foreign money.
When given with an appropriate cash tip of the money of the realm, this can be a nice little novel souvenir. I have some Bahamian and Mexican money in my wallet from such times. But I have also had people tip me in money from their country IN LIEU of American money. Seriously, what the hell am I gonna do with a seven meshuggenah note from Idiotnia?
Alcohol and Drugs.
Yes, I have been offered drinks and drugs as tips. Few bartenders mind when a guest buys them a drink--especially in this town--but a three dollar beer on a hundred dollar tab is not, my friend, a decent tip. And offering to let me toke up with you or snort your powder? Not my scene, not interested, and really don't want to be fired or arrested, thanks.
Food.
Yes, food. I have had people who are eating at my restaurant leave me food as my tip. Don't ask, I don't know.
I don't mind when, say, the Fishermen Brothers give me four pounds of freshly caught mackerel that they don't have room for in their hotel fridge. (Yes, that happened. Delicious!) But leaving me a half dozen donuts with the check instead of a cash tip? Not just cheap, but presumptive. (Unless, of course, they're maple-glazed. That's a whole different ball of sugar.)
Phone Numbers
Why is it that the only phone numbers that are ever left for me are from men (I'm not gay), ugly women (I'm not that desperate) or egocentric women who think they're deigning to socialize with me is adequate compensation for my services, and therefore an actual monetary tip is unnecessary. Honey, you're not that hot, and while I am easy, I am not that easy.
So, what do y'all think? Any inappropriate tips you've received over the years?
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