Have you ever tweaked a customer? [Longish]

[Alpha Strike]

So my current job has me working as a phone CSR for a medium-sized company that administers standardized tests to high school students.

The way it works is that a student pays for his test, which includes the ability to send reports to up to 4 different colleges (or scholarships, senators, etc) at no charge. The kicker is that the reports are free up until a certain deadline, after which the student has to pay for those reports even if they hadn't previously used 'em.

As you might expect, we get a lot of calls from folks who either didn't pay attention and missed the deadline or who don't understand why they have to pay for the reports after the deadline. [To be fair, I can sympathize with these people; it just happens to be that this system is the most cost-effective one for us.]

Anyway, I had a call yesterday about this policy and it was one of "those" calls. You know the type: customer is pissed from the get-go and their call isn't so much about resolving their problem as it is about taking out their frustrations on someone. In this case it was a parent who had a problem with the policy and wanted to fight about it.

So for the first 15-20 minutes I was the good CSR, being polite and trying to answer questions, all the while ignoring the patronizing tone, condescending questions, hugely exaggerated sighs and muttered comments. At some point I think this finally got to the woman, because she sort of cracked. We had been "discussing" various points of policy when she brought it back to the original reason for the call - the free reports:

Crazy Phone Lady: And this is why I think those reports are a rip-off!!
Me: I'm sorry about that ma'am but there are some limitations to the free repo...
CPL: They're NOT FREE!! *rabble rabble rabble rabble*
Me: Yes Ma'am I understand your concerns about the free re...
CPL: They're NOT FREE!!! *rabble rabble rabble rabble*
Me: Ma'am I'm sorry but with the free repo...
CPL: They're NOT FREE!!!!!!! *rabble rabble rabble* Now I want to speak with supervisor!

Now I'll admit it - I knew that saying things the way I did would probably tweak this SC - and you could very well say I was a bit sucky here - but frankly, I didn't really care. By the time we got to that part of our conversation I was tired of being insulted, yelled at and patronized and was going to send the call up to a supervisor anyway.

So I'm curious: anyone else ever take the chance to tweak an SC?

[lightmylamb]

Yes. All the time. I phrase things to them to purposely make them angry, but only after they've done something to anger me first. Well, really angry, I can usually get along fine when I'm angry, but I can't stand it when somebody cuts me off.

[gerund]

When they cut me off, or contradict me, or are rude to me I have a very simple solution. I just shut up. Not one word. No matter what they say. For at least 60 seconds after they stop.

Of course they start (on the phone) "Hello? Hello?" or in person they get to the end and I'm just standing there expressionless.

If they are really bad, I will just say something like "I have told you what I know, I have nothing more to say."

If they have cut me off in mid-sentence after they have found that I'm not talking and they start to get agitated I will say something like "Obviously you know much more about it than me. I have nothing more to say."

And then say nothing more. If they then start asking questions and they have really got to me, I just keep saying something like "But you know the answer. I was trying to tell you and you stopped me." If they then apologise I will say something like "Lets start again. You can be the nice customer, and I will be the nice sales person."

This always works for me. It may not for you if your manager expects you to fall over helping the self-entitled idiot. SEIs will most likely storm off and spend the rest of their life trying to complain about you.

[myswtghst]

When they cut me off, or contradict me, or are rude to me I have a very simple solution. I just shut up. Not one word. No matter what they say. For at least 60 seconds after they stop.

I have absolutely done similar when a customer just won't shut the heck up and listen to me - obviously they know better than I do, while I'm just lucky they called me to inform me.

I also have a tendency in that situation to be ingratiatingly polite and sweet, just to get a rise.

And if all else fails, I escalate to just saying "Ma'am" or "Sir" over and over and over again until they let me speak. One time it escalated to practically yelling "MA'AM!" and at the end of the call, she thanked me for being so polite.

[friendofjimmyk]

Wow. Just reading the title of the post, my mind came up with so many situations the post could've been talking about.

[draftermatt]

If I've been given a hard time by a customer (usually over contract issues) when they have a problem later I love to say "well according to the contract"

It's also fun when I have a customer who pisses and moans about the schedule later have a problem making the schedule they screamed at me about in the first place. I'll sometimes try and make reference to that as well.

[LifeCarnie]

I don't ever recall tweaking a customer, but I have definitely tweaked some of my employers field sales reps.

Some of those rejects think they're gods gift to humanity and are condescending pricks.

It's fun to tweak them, especially since some of them are pretty damn dense.

[Pixagi]

Once at CCity I punched out while an SC was bitching at me. I tried to help her, told her we don't have what we're looking for, and listened to her bitch at me for 5 minutes (most of which consisted of her telling me that I'm causing the store to loss revenue on something we don't have...), looked at my phone, saw the time, walked over to the POS (with her following me, might I add), logged into my time management thingy, clocked out, logged out, and walked up to my manager "She's yours," then headed to the break room to get my coat and go home. As I was walking out the door 15 minutes later (I got entranced with a game of Gears of War playing in the breakroom) my manager looked at me then died laughing.

[volatile]

The correct question would be, "Haven't we all....?"

[calulu]

Oh, I've done it. Particularly when they whinily tell me that they are about to sue because we're billing their card monthly for a program they never signed up for and I have to twist them a bit by saying 'But sir/ma'am you would have had to have clicked the "I accept the terms and conditions of the contract" button no less than three times to sign up. Did you perhaps not read what you were agreeing to?" Perfect delivered with an exasperated sigh and a smug little voice.l

[Brightglaive]

It's always fun to restate the SC's question .....

" So..if I understand you correctly you want me to give you an RMA number or a service contract part number for a piece of equipment that was damaged by an act-of-(insert deity here) because you didn't properly ground and place the item so it wouldn't be damaged? And all this when I have told you (4 times) that:
#1. acts-of-(insert deity here) are not covered by warranty or service contract, ESPECIALLY NOT AFTER-THE-FACT
and
#2. I have given you the part number for a NEW product to replace the dead product
and
#3. I am a PRESALES rep not someone from customer service or technical assistance who could actually give you an RMA number.
and
#4. I have referred you to said CS helpline or Technical assistance helpline 4 times already for said RMA number (which it's highly unlikely that they will give you an RMA number ANYWAY due to #1)"


or you could resort to darktech in which you impersonate a witch doctor:

" Yes sir I can actually make that work for you again. What you will need to do is to open up the case, remove all the jumpers from the motherboard and peripherals and sprinkle them in a circle around the case. Light a black tallow candle and place it on the hard drive. Then you should dance around the circle while chanting the binary code for MS-DOS backwards and at the exact stroke of midnight drive your screwdriver through the heart of the processor on the motherboard. This will make your computer a zombie computer at which point you only have to deal with annoying popups every so often and slow performance when the zombie master requires some task of your computer." errr......I mean

[Skarredmind]

This thread makes me happy!

I will post some of my horror stories later. Nothing made me happier at the video store where I worked. The only thing that made it better was I was the Asst manager, and my manager was an asshat who wouldn't be bothered with the running of the place. She was always too busy in the back room... usually eating...