The Flying Furniture Fucktards Of The Year Awards

[Jack T. Chance]

My God, it seems people are getting stupider and stupider when it comes to buying furniture. If that's even possible. Hold me.

Furniture Fucktard Number 1:

<SNIP!>

in a Chevy Cavalier....
with their three kids in the backseat ("Mommy, Brittney touched my spot! Tell her to quit touching my spot!")....
and a bunch of shit on the floors of both the back and front of the car.

Husband looked at the cabinets....
then at his car....
then at the cabinets again.....
and then said "You know, we might not be able to fit those in here."

Wow, really dipshit?

We hauled the storage cabinets back inside the store (taking out a displayer of electric razors on the way back to the backroom). Some time later, the customers returned...

with a pickup truck....
and a trailer

Oh, good GORD, that reminds me of an email I got when I was working for the now-defunct Rockaway Bedding last year! It seems someone had purchased a queen size mattress and box spring (or possibly even a king size!) and the idiot employee that sold it to them sent them over to the NJ warehouse to pick it up.... in a tiny ass little car like a Civic... OR SMALLER!!!

So, we all received an email reminding everyone to PAY MORE ATTENTION TO THESE THINGS and to remind the customers that are that stupid that it's UNSAFE for them to tie such a LARGE item onto such a small vehicle!

And then there were the idiots that INSISTED on picking up their king size sets themselves, at the showroom.... even though delivery was FREE on ALL the king sized sets I sold, whereas picking it up at the store incurred a transfer fee! And then, of course, they NEVER bought an extra person with them to help them load it, even though I made SURE to tell them they WOULD need to bring an extra person with them, because even with me there, it would take at least 3 people to load the king size mattress safely without damaging it.... oy, the stupidity!

Furniture Fucktard Number 2:

While counting furniture yesterday, I came across 6 assembled barstools.

Problem is, these barstools come unassembled.

Attached to the barstools was a note: "Return to stock, nothing wrong with them, customer assembled and found they were the wrong size."

<SNIP!>

And feel free to do all your shopping at Wally World from now on.

Wrong answer! I shop at Wally World sometimes, and I do NOT want to have to deal with idiots like that causing trouble and holding up the line when I just want to grab what I want and get out!

Send them to Value City Furniture, the Ghetto Furniture Store™, instead! THAT'S where their kind belong!

I want an electrified winning machine...

You and me both!

Though the cynic in me thinks the returner used the stools for one occasion only or decided he didn't like the stools and returned them.

Bingo! That's my suspicion, as well!

In a world where I have to deal with customers... well, A customer... contacting me, to state, matter-of-factly, that they would like to RENT a mattress for 15 days, expecting us to offer that service, as if it's NORMAL for mattress stores that SELL mattresses to do that, I have to wonder just what exactly these people use for brains!

So, yeah, I am suspect of just what exactly that customer was up to. Remember, BUYERS ARE LIARS!

Oh please, take pity on the WM peons of the world. They surely don't want these idiots either.

True true. They put up with enough grief as-is, without having to deal with those asshats as well!

I'm sure they don't, and I have nothing but sympathy for those poor, wretched bastards that work at WM, but honestly, it's where the suckiest SCs belong, because WM created them. (Either directly or indirectly)

Nope, again, not where they belong. See my earlier comments in that regard!

I SO SO feel your pain!

Let me tell you the story of the 2 or 3 trips with the SAME FRIKKIN JEEP (jeep!) that wanted to take home a king sized headboard.

"oh, why is it so big?"

BECAUSE ITS KING SIZED, DORK! 73 INCH!!! DIDN'T YOU SEE????

"I guess it won't fit in This time huh!?? hahahah!" No, asshole. It won't

I get so sick and tired of the idiots that want something in king size, but INSIST on picking it up themselves! They drive me NUTS!!! They are NEVER prepared with a big enough vehicle, and an extra helper, etc, etc... luckily, they have no choice where I currently work. I don't have enough room in my showroom to store a king size set until they decide to come pick it up! So, they can either have it delivered, or they can GET BENT!

--JTC (Who will someday, hopefully, not have to deal with these morons any more. Maybe. If I'm lucky....... Well, maybe when I'm dead, anyway. )

[Misanthropical]

My husband and children bought me a huge new computer desk as a Mother's Day/Anniversary present. There was no way it was going to fit in our Corolla, so they had it delivered to the house. DUH! What is so hard about that?

This is just one of the reasons I whisper to my husband "The stupid is strong in that one" when we see stupid shit like people trying to load huge freight into tiny cars.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Oh come on now peoples! I just want them sent to the local Wally World, which is a three-ring circus of failures of humanity. Not Wally World where you all work and shop.

Please put your fish back in the refrigerator. Thank you.

[depechemodefan]

So, we all received an email reminding everyone to PAY MORE ATTENTION TO THESE THINGS and to remind the customers that are that stupid that it's UNSAFE for them to tie such a LARGE item onto such a small vehicle!

What drive me nuts is these little cars with something on the top, and they have a little red beer can or coke carton attached, instead of a flag.

[dendawg]

Send them to Value City Furniture Big Lots

Fixed.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Special Wesley Willis Musical Edition!

This is a rock and roll song I made up about stupid people buying furniture and then they come with tiny cars to pick it up.

It is called "Why are people stupid?"

*cheesy Casio keyboard music*

Today I had to deliver two boxes of kitchen chairs to some people
There were three of them in a little Pontiac Grand Am
I had to take the chairs out of the boxes and spend time trying to make them fit
I had to waste half an hour on these idiots

WHY ARE PEOPLE STUPID?
WHY ARE PEOPLE STUPID?
WHY ARE PEOPLE STUPID?
WHY ARE PEOPLE STUPID?

Then later on I had to deliver a display of a wicker sofa
It was too tall to fit over the seats in the customers' van
The lady was a crotchety old bag
And her husband spoke like the adults in the Charlie Brown cartoons


WHY ARE PEOPLE STUPID?
WHY ARE PEOPLE STUPID?
WHY ARE PEOPLE STUPID?
WHY ARE PEOPLE STUPID?

Finally I had to bring out a storage cabinet in a long box
The people buying it had a 2-door Chevy Cavalier
They wanted me to squeeze it through the passenger door and turn it in somehow
That never ever would have worked and the customers were idiots.


WHY ARE PEOPLE STUPID?
WHY ARE PEOPLE STUPID?
WHY ARE PEOPLE STUPID?
WHY ARE PEOPLE STUPID?

Rock over London, Rock on Chicago
Taco Bell--Think Outside The Bun!

[Bliss]

it sounds like a song wesley willis would've sung