Two doses of stupid.

[Linda]

Oh how I love you, Sundays!

Arriving at work today - my shop is a concession within a supermarket - I saw one of the supermarket staff filling the salad bar before the store opened. And then filling herself too with food from the salad bar. Using a combination of hands in the pots, and also the self-serve spoons in the pots straight into her mouth. Lovely. No salad for me today! Yes, I reported it. Yes I got ignored. No salad for me from that salad bar ever again, and will try tomorrow with one of the supermarket managers who gives a damn.

First thing after open, the phone rings. I do my standard greeting...

Moi: Good morning, <store name>. Linda speaking. How can I help?
Stupid woman: Hi, is this the dry cleaners in <supermarket>?
Moi: Yes it is. How can I help?
SW: You do dry cleaning?
M: Yes.
SW: Oh good <sounds relieved> I have a problem. My kitchen is flooded. Can you bring your dry cleaning machine to my house?
M: I'm sorry - that doesn't sound like a service we offer. You can bring the damaged items into us for cleaning though.
SW: Noooo! That's no use! I need you to come here right now with your dry cleaning machine and fix my drains!
M: Your drains? I think you've got the wrong number - we clean clothes.
SW: That is <company> in <supermarket>?
M: Yes it is
SW: Then I don't have the wrong number! Come here now and clean my drains!
M: (Realising arguing is going to get me nowhere) That's not a service we offer I'm afraid...we only clean clothes...
SW: Well you're USELESS!! WHAT AM I GOING TO DO NOW?
M: ...Call a plumber?
SW: <click>


I thought I had had my dose of stupid for the day but no. We sell similar items to these with the name "Grimestoppers". The packaging has a picture of a muddy boot with blurb about its great absorbancy etc. I don't think I can get across how hysterical this woman was being.

Stupid woman 2: Excuse me! What are you going to do about this FALSE ADVERTISING!?
M: False advertising? I don't know what you could mean? I have one of these mats myself and I can honestly say they are better than is claimed on the packaging.
SW2: Better? BETTER? How is that possible?!
M: It just is. Everything the packaging says is completely true.
SW2: Well I don't see how one little rug can do all of that. It's FALSE ADVERTISING.
M: (so confused and yet so intrigued) Could you tell me how you think it's false advertising? I don't understand.
SW2: John! Come and look at these mats! FALSE ADVERTISING!!!
<husband joins SW2>
SW2: I don't see how this one little mat will stop a burglar! I mean it's ridiculous! It says here "super absorbant". What does it do? Stick the burglars feet to it? Suck them into a black hole? You shouldn't be selling these Crimestopper mats!
Me: ...
SW2: ...
SW2 husband: ... That says Grimestopper, dear.
SW2 leaves in a hurry. Husband rolls his eyes and mouths a sorry. Me and coworker S have to escape to the back to

[gaspode]

go on name and shame said supermarket

[olstar18]

Sounds like someone forgot her coffee.

[BookstoreEscapee]

Sounds like someone forgot her coffee.

Or had a little too much...

[Evil Queen]

Or simply doesn't know how to read.

[xaenon]

Your first customer, the one with the flooded kitchen, sounds like a panic attack
in progress. She's probably a very sheltered person who's never really had to
deal with a situation like the one she was facing, and ill-equipped, she panics.
Thus the total lack of logic or rational thought.

[Aramika]

SW2: I don't see how this one little mat will stop a burglar! ....... Suck them into a black hole? You shouldn't be selling these Crimestopper mats!

I bet NASA would like to get their hands on that technology.

[Imprl59]

#2 made me laugh so hard a little milk came out of my nose

Steve B.

[PCGameGuy]

I thought I had had my dose of stupid for the day but no. We sell similar items to these with the name "Grimestoppers". The packaging has a picture of a muddy boot with blurb about its great absorbancy etc. I don't think I can get across how hysterical this woman was being.

Stupid woman 2: Excuse me! What are you going to do about this FALSE ADVERTISING!?
M: False advertising? I don't know what you could mean? I have one of these mats myself and I can honestly say they are better than is claimed on the packaging.
SW2: Better? BETTER? How is that possible?!
M: It just is. Everything the packaging says is completely true.
SW2: Well I don't see how one little rug can do all of that. It's FALSE ADVERTISING.
M: (so confused and yet so intrigued) Could you tell me how you think it's false advertising? I don't understand.
SW2: John! Come and look at these mats! FALSE ADVERTISING!!!
<husband joins SW2>
SW2: I don't see how this one little mat will stop a burglar! I mean it's ridiculous! It says here "super absorbant". What does it do? Stick the burglars feet to it? Suck them into a black hole? You shouldn't be selling these Crimestopper mats!
Me: ...
SW2: ...
SW2 husband: ... That says Grimestopper, dear.
SW2 leaves in a hurry. Husband rolls his eyes and mouths a sorry. Me and coworker S have to escape to the back to

Oh. OH! Well that's fine then. Never mind.

Bonus cookie for the reference

[depechemodefan]

I saw one of the supermarket staff filling the salad bar before the store opened. And then filling herself too with food from the salad bar. Using a combination of hands in the pots, and also the self-serve spoons in the pots straight into her mouth.

Gross.

SW: Oh good <sounds relieved> I have a problem. My kitchen is flooded. Can you bring your dry cleaning machine to my house?
M: I'm sorry - that doesn't sound like a service we offer. You can bring the damaged items into us for cleaning though.
SW: Noooo! That's no use! I need you to come here right now with your dry cleaning machine and fix my drains!
M: Your drains? I think you've got the wrong number - we clean clothes.
SW: That is <company> in <supermarket>?
M: Yes it is
SW: Then I don't have the wrong number! Come here now and clean my drains!
M: (Realising arguing is going to get me nowhere) That's not a service we offer I'm afraid...we only clean clothes...
SW: Well you're USELESS!! WHAT AM I GOING TO DO NOW?
M: ...Call a plumber?
SW: <click>

That's just I just don't get what makes her think that you have something for her drains.
One time this woman called the library and said, "I woke up and I found my husband dead right next to me. What should I do?" The librarian who answered said, "call 911."

SW2: I don't see how this one little mat will stop a burglar! I mean it's ridiculous! It says here "super absorbant". What does it do? Stick the burglars feet to it? Suck them into a black hole? You shouldn't be selling these Crimestopper mats!

That's hilarious. And sad.

[Chanlin]

Methinks number 1 was misreading/mishearing dry cleaner as drain cleaner....

.... that or she was just batshit crazy. Either way thats just silly.

[tropicsgoddess]

I see dumb people....they're everywhere!

[flybye023]

Oh. OH! Well that's fine then. Never mind.

Bonus cookie for the reference

Gilda Radner as Emily Litella ?

[Crazeyal]

Sounds like hubby knows EXACTLY what he married.

[computeraide]

Sounds like next time you should call the health department about Salad Skank, instead of telling the supermarket manager. Major health code violation to be eating from product you're supposed to be serving to the public.