If you don't know who you're calling how am I supposed to know?

[Gothicsmurf]

The only time this was useful to me...

I got a phone call from a customer who was an ESL client. (English as Second Lang). I was trying my best to help them, but they kept repeating their question in a foreign language. Well I took French in High School and College, and didn't recognize what they were saying.

The call was hard to hear because the person was driving and at first I couldn't figure out which language he was speaking. Finally in broken English he says, "Speak Spanish?"

My reply, "No habla espanol". He said Thank you and hung up. It's the ONLY phrase I know in Spanish and up until now, never needed it.

Sure, I'll find him!

Yesterday I got a phone call from a guy who was a total idiot.

The company I work for is kind of odd. Long story short, we contract financial services out and we service 2 major "branches" (not banks) and under each one are various other smaller branches. I think at last count we had about 150 all over the country. But we aren't allowed to say we work for a different company. Make sense? I don't get it either, but whatever.

So I get call in.

Me:
SC: Total moron.
Italics: Thoughts

Me: Customer Support, how can I help you?
SC: Yeah, I need to be connected to Dave.
Me: Do you have Dan's last name?
SC: No.
Me: Ok, which office does he work out of?
SC: The one you work out of. Can you see if he's at his desk?
Me: Sir, we have a few different locations, can you specify which office?
SC: The one by Burger King.
Me: Can you give me a city?
SC: Why? Don't you all work out of Seattle?
Me (who is actually in Mass): Sir, we have a few different offices in the area.
SC: This speaks volumes for your customer service! You can't even connect me to the person who I want to talk with.
Me: I understand, however, we do have a few different locations, and Dave is a very common name. Do you know what department he works in?
SC: No. He was helping me with an issue and I think it's really bad you can't find who I need.
Me: Yes Let me get the Seattle phone book out and try and find Dave for you. Actually why didn't you take his phone number when you talked to him last? Or a last name? Or a Department? I understand. Unfortunalty, if you don't have more information, I am unable to locate him.
SC: Figures. *click*

Really sir, I am sorry. If you gave me more information like your info, I could possibly pull your account and see who you were talking to. But you didn't get or give any useful information. You didn't get the guys last name or contact information and expect me to find "Dave" in Seattle. Sorry, perhaps he's flying with the pigs.

[One-Fang]

Heheh. I think it's very important to learn how to say "I don't speak ...... do you speak English?" in a variety of languages.

Not important enough to have actually DONE IT, mind you, but it's a nice thought.

[Samaliel]

Why, you mean you're not psychic ? You should have redirected his call to Omniscience, Inc.

[rerant]

I get calls similar to that ALL the time at the food bank.
They usually go like this:

Me: Good afternoon, <food bank>.
Caller: Yeah, someone called me from there.
Me: Ok, did they leave a message?
if the answer is yes.
Me: And did they leave a name to extension?
Caller: No.
Me: *curses staff*
if the answer is no, which it usually is.
Me: Had you been speaking to anyone from here recently?
if the answer is yes
Me: And which department were they in?
Caller: I don't know.
Me: Do you remember a name?
Caller: No.
Me: Then I'm sorry, but without a name, extension or department I have no way of knowing who called you or who to irect your call to.
Caller: Ok. *hangs up*
if the answer is no, which, again, it usually is
Me: Well have you volunteered here or used any of our services?
Caller: I don't know. (surprisingly enough, this is a common answer)
Me: Then I'm sorry, but without a name, extension or department I have no way of knowing who called you or who to irect your call to. I can only suggest that if no message was left and if you have never been here for either volunteering or to use any of our services that the call was a wrong number and you mistakenly received it.
Caller: Ok, but I still want to know who called me and what they want.
Me: As I've said, unless I have a name, extension or department I have no idea who could have possibly contacted you or who to direct your call to.

This can go on for some time.

Sometimes they'll pipe up half way through our dance and say, "Well I'm from such-and-such a grocery store."
This means their donation bin is full and they need someone to come by and pick it up and drop off an empty one.

Me: I'll transfer you to dispatch, and next time please mention where you are calling from before hand. It will eliminate confusion.
Then, because I can be kind of a bitch and by this point I'm sufficiently annoyed with their stupidity, I hit the transfer button before they can respond.
I know it's a dick move, but it's one that's approved by my supervisor, mainly because, to be honest, I have more important calls to take, usually from people who need emergency food services from us and I don't have time for people's asshattery.

[wraiths_crono]

So i remember my 'cracked up job' i did technical support for 2wire, via ATT internet, but worked for Volt (a contracting company) for accenture (whom did the contract to run tech support call centers for ATT) via 2wire, doing att technical support.




But i was not allowed to ever say "I work for 2wire, accenture, or volt" and if you did, they fired you for 'revealing the truth to the customer' oh i hated that place.

[mattm04]

I had a SC who apparently called about getting a discount on a large order for a local Church. They talked to some manager on some level but did not know who.

Me: opening greeting
SC: I called a few days ago about a discount for <org.> and I was wondering what the status is.
Me: *looking for from MOD fills out when cust. wants discount, they make give the dept. the order will be with a copy* Sir, I do not have confirmation for the manager yet, what was it wyou wanted to order?
SC: A deli platter
Me: sir, well you are taking with the bakeshop, I only receive information about orders with my department. Do you know who you talked to about the order so I can try pt page the or someone whop would know.
SC: some guy.
Me: *great, you would think if your a re wanting a discount you would try to remember the person you talked to, by say, writing down their name.* I can transfer you to the store manager, and they will be able to help you.
SC: That's OK. I'll call back. *click*

Not a minute lated he calls me back, not nether to listen to the options the auto-attendant gives him, like say, deli or Manager. We go thru the same thing again and I trick him by saying i will check, when I really transfer him to the deli.

[wynjara]

Just about the only thing I can say in French is "I'm a stupid American. I don't speak French very well. Do you speak English or Spanish?"

I'm working on learning that in a few other languages. Should serve me well.

[monolayth]

Dave's not here man...........



anyways, I get a lot od calls like that from north dakota. I work in emergency roadside assistance. I cover quite a large area. Today I got this.

Me- Opening spheel
SC- I would like to speak to Peggy.

*this is a huge company and i have no clue the people's names 3 desks away much less who this mytical peggy is.*

Me-ok, what city and state is Peggy in?

*this is where it dawns on the person they hey, Just giving me a first name is not a good idea*

i did find peggy but still she was two states away!