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I hope I'll be in Tech Support soon... cause then, Soft skills are slightly less required.
Customer: So, will this improve <function> over new version
Rep: Actually, that part hasn't changed.
Customer: Well, I can't believe it. Okay, thank you.
Rep: Anything else I can help you with?
Customer: No Sale! <click>
Bad Rep! Bad Rep! No Sale! What the freak?
I mean... would you have preferred that I lie to you??? I don't RECALL growing a tail, but perhaps the customer should grow a pair and not ask a question that he is not prepared to hear the answer to! No wait... that's too much to ask.
2 minute minor for addressing me as an animal.
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Rep: Product A will do <Blah>, Product B will do <More blah> and Product C will do <most blah>
Customer: How Much does it cost.
Rep: The Price is <price, higher price, highest price>
Customer: Wow it goes up every time.
Yeah, because the more costly products do more, Cap'n obvious.
2 minute minor for being stupid.
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C: Will it do <this> I want you to guarantee it!
R: Yes it will
C: Can I have your name?
R: <blah>
C: Thank you, I'll place the order online. <click>
So, you don't want me to profit from the information I know and have given, but you want someone to blame if something goes wrong? Thanks a lot, jackass.
2 minute minor for robbing me not only of my time and money, but also my braincells. These things don't grow on trees, y'know.
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Customer: Why is my card being rejected
Rep: Because you're ordering from the UK, the system is detecting your IP address and rejecting the card.
Customer: But this is a global economy!
Rep: Even so, sir, this is how our system is set up. I'm sorry, but you can't place a web order from the UK.
Customer:...
Rep:...
Customer: Well you're of no help <click>
Yeah. It's called "unfixable" You know... for a reason. Stupid Id10T!!
2 minutes for stupid, a seemingly incurable disease that I don't want to catch for you, so I'm scraping your damnable cooties off of me.
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And my personal favorite:
Customer wanted help with product, but tech support was closed. IT should be noticed that the customer was a "Doctor" which as most of us know here is synonomous with "Jackass"
Customer: I know you can't help me, but I tried customer service and they aren't picking up. It would seem that your company is simply cheating the customer. I need to do <function> can you help me with this?
Rep: I'm afraid not as I work in the sales department.
Customer: Well, I mean what do you think? I mean customer service indicated that I could be mucking up the works.
Rep: That is a strong possibility.
Customer: Well, I don't know what to say... can I have you transfer me to Customer service?
Rep: Give me one moment.
Whaddya want me to tell you? Oh, no sir, it couldn't POSSIBLY be You, you smart little demigod you *retches* that would be OUR program being extraordinarily difficult. Bad Program! Bad Program!
5 minute Major for being a Doctor, followed by two minutes for wasting my fraking time.
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Customer: So, will this improve <function> over new version
Rep: Actually, that part hasn't changed.
Customer: Well, I can't believe it. Okay, thank you.
Rep: Anything else I can help you with?
Customer: No Sale! <click>
Bad Rep! Bad Rep! No Sale! What the freak?
I mean... would you have preferred that I lie to you??? I don't RECALL growing a tail, but perhaps the customer should grow a pair and not ask a question that he is not prepared to hear the answer to! No wait... that's too much to ask.2 minute minor for addressing me as an animal.
--------------------
Rep: Product A will do <Blah>, Product B will do <More blah> and Product C will do <most blah>
Customer: How Much does it cost.
Rep: The Price is <price, higher price, highest price>
Customer: Wow it goes up every time.
Yeah, because the more costly products do more, Cap'n obvious.
2 minute minor for being stupid.
-------------
C: Will it do <this> I want you to guarantee it!
R: Yes it will
C: Can I have your name?
R: <blah>
C: Thank you, I'll place the order online. <click>
So, you don't want me to profit from the information I know and have given, but you want someone to blame if something goes wrong? Thanks a lot, jackass.
2 minute minor for robbing me not only of my time and money, but also my braincells. These things don't grow on trees, y'know.
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Customer: Why is my card being rejected
Rep: Because you're ordering from the UK, the system is detecting your IP address and rejecting the card.
Customer: But this is a global economy!
Rep: Even so, sir, this is how our system is set up. I'm sorry, but you can't place a web order from the UK.
Customer:...
Rep:...
Customer: Well you're of no help <click>
Yeah. It's called "unfixable" You know... for a reason. Stupid Id10T!!
2 minutes for stupid, a seemingly incurable disease that I don't want to catch for you, so I'm scraping your damnable cooties off of me.
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And my personal favorite:
Customer wanted help with product, but tech support was closed. IT should be noticed that the customer was a "Doctor" which as most of us know here is synonomous with "Jackass"
Customer: I know you can't help me, but I tried customer service and they aren't picking up. It would seem that your company is simply cheating the customer. I need to do <function> can you help me with this?
Rep: I'm afraid not as I work in the sales department.
Customer: Well, I mean what do you think? I mean customer service indicated that I could be mucking up the works.
Rep: That is a strong possibility.
Customer: Well, I don't know what to say... can I have you transfer me to Customer service?
Rep: Give me one moment.
Whaddya want me to tell you? Oh, no sir, it couldn't POSSIBLY be You, you smart little demigod you *retches* that would be OUR program being extraordinarily difficult. Bad Program! Bad Program!
5 minute Major for being a Doctor, followed by two minutes for wasting my fraking time.
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