SC comments translated....

[DesignFox]

"it's not my fault" - "I didn't read the contract"

"But that's not possible" - "I didn't read the contract."

"That's illegal" - "I didn't read the contract and i'm trying to intimidate you"

"This is all your fault!" - "I didn't read the contract"

"You're all useless, can anyone there help me?" - "I didn't read the contract and i need a lobotomy."

"You're wrong." - "I'm wrong but i'll be damned if i'll admit it to you."

"You're not making any sense" - "I didn't listen."

"It's too complicated" - "I didn't listen."

"I don't like those options" - "if i whine enough you might give me another choice"

I love all of those and they fit quite nicely into the cell phone business.

To add:

"But I never got the phone wet!" - Actually, I dropped it in the toilet, but I'm too embarassed to admit that, plus I don't feel like paying for a phone/was too cheap to sign up for insurance/don't want to pay the deductible.

Responsbility you say???? HAH!

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

"That's bait and switch/false advertising!"-"I was too damn lazy to come here for that ad item the day the sale first started. So here I am yelling at you on the final day of the sale."

"I'd buy (item we don't carry) if you carried it here!"-"No, I wouldn't."

"Get me the manager!"-"I find your lack of caving in to my loud screaming disturbing."

"The bathroom is filthy and disgusting!"-"There's a small puddle of sink water on the floor, and maybe a couple of paper towels that missed the trash can"

"The bathroom needs to be cleaned"-"Somebody's bowels exploded and it's stinky stinky stinky in there!"

"Whaddaya mean I need a receipt to return this?!"-"I threw that stupid piece of paper away a long time ago."

[Lace Neil Singer]

"I looked for ages and I couldn't find it!" - "I walked a couple of yards and the item didn't fall from the sky into my outstretched hands."

"I only want one item!" - "Please ignore the fact that I am currently pushing a huge trolley and plan on filling it up to the brim if only you'll let me in."

"The supervisor said I could have it for free!" - "I am trying to scam you, and maybe the magic word 'supervisor' will ensure that you don't check up on my claim."

"But I've been waiting ages!" - "I have been waiting one milisecond, if that."

[KabeRinnaul]

"The bathroom is filthy and disgusting!"-"There's a small puddle of sink water on the floor, and maybe a couple of paper towels that missed the trash can"

"The bathroom needs to be cleaned"-"Somebody's bowels exploded and it's stinky stinky stinky in there!"

Alternatively (to either): "I just trashed/soiled your bathroom, and don't want to admit it."

[Mr. Security]

I need it right now and can't come back later!: I'm to lazy to come back when your open

Well you used to be open at X time!: I have no clue when you open and just used a random time close to when I showed up

You used to be open on X day/Why are You closed on X day?: I'm to lazy to read the large cardboard sign right beside my head explaining exactly why your closed

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Alternatively (to either): "I just trashed/soiled your bathroom, and don't want to admit it."

Lamentably, the people who befoul our restrooms like that don't give us the courtesy of telling us even that. It's always another customer who stumbles upon the mess and then tells somebody.

[tropicsgoddess]

You're closed?!!But I only need to get one item, it's gonna be quick!= I am a huge procrastinator and I'll take my sweet ass time to shop for a shitload of stuff I want.


I've been a good customer for _______ for so many years! I demand this freebie/discount/perk! = I've only done business with you for way less than that and I'm really just some entitlement whore.


Credit card/cell-phone company name is a rip off! I always get hit up with all these charges and fees! = I never read the fine print and pay my bill on-time.


But [other person's name or store] always did it for me, why can't you? = I want my way,even if it's no longer is or never was a valid policy and I don't care if you're risking your job to do it.



The food and service are terrible! I'm never coming back = I'll come back but only to try and get my meals comped.


I have a table of [insert number of people for a LARGE party] and I would like individual separate checks = I'm a cheapskate trying to weasel out of being stuck with the 18% gratuity, even if it'll take forever to compute.

[Mr. Security]

"i'm only going to be another minute": I'm going to drag my feet and linger until 5mins past closing and then bitch and moan that there's no one to check out my Book/DVD/CD

(in a slurred tone)"I'm not drunk, I should be able to come in and read": I'm completely smashed out of my face and need a place to pass out


"Come on man, let me do X, your being such a strict a-hole": let me do something obviously agaisnt the rules that would get you fired if you let me do it

[Samaliel]

"You're rude." -> "You're not caving in to my every whim and I don't like that." Bonus points if they started cursing you out the second they opened their mouth and you haven't raised you voice in the slightest.

[Bramblerose]

"Ok, kids, you stay right here (toy store/book store etc), I'll be back in two hours"- I don't understand why the teacher always grits her teeth throughout our parent-teacher conference. And why does Child and Family Services always seem to be sniffing around my house??

"I don't let my wife buy her own clothes. She doesn't know what looks good on her at all. ONly I do."- Why are you slipping my wife a car with the phone number for battered spouses? And why suddenly do all of you need to work on the other side of the store?

(In defense of is the Mini-golf open- it could be checking for Last Call- still open but no new games- something about getting home before midnight.)

[MoonChild2007]

I need my phone now, can't you extend my service until i make the payment

Meaning: I was too lazy to make any payments so i wait until my service is interrupted to suddenly care about my phone/cable/internet.

Why would the rep tell me this when you tell me something different?

Meaning: either a) I misunderstood the rep or b) I was hoping that this rep will fall for it

My bill is way too high!

Meaning: I don't make any payments and when i do, it doesn't even cover the WHOLE balance just part of it.

Nobody told me that!

Meaning: You probably forgot or didn't fully listen to the rep.

There is a charge on my account that I did not buy! - This goes for the customers who wait until 4 months after installing service to complain about a charge.

Meaning: I didn't bother looking at my bill!

But I am a (insert job status, disability, whatever)

Meaning: I deserve special treatment because I am disabled, a veteran, lost my job, has had a shitty life ( believe me , i had one customer telling me how her life is hell )

( Like ALL of that would make a freaking difference, ITS OVER THE PHONE you stupid nimrods)

Are you sure?

Meaning: I am a lying hack and I don't know what I am talking about.

(One customer asked me that when i told him that one of our stores is open on Saturdays Believe me I was basically reading it word for freaking word on our own website! )

sorry, its a damn pet peeve of mine!

I haven't gotten a bill

Meaning: So that gives me the right not to pay for it, although there are alternate ways of finding out the balance.

[Tito]

"I'm never shopping here again" = "I will be in the same time next week and will find something else to whine about."

"The customer is always right!" = "You're not caving to my unreasonable demand, so I need to try this tired old line in an attempt to get you to cave."

"I'm good friends with the manager!" = "You didn't cave to the customer is always right line, so I will now try this one."

[calulu]

"Let me speak to your supervisor right now." - You're not doing what I want so I'm going to try and get you fired and pull one over on management at the same time.
"But it never said anything on your website about it being a monthly charge. I demand my money back!" - I'm too stupid to bother reading the fine print on what I signed up for online.
"But sales lady so-n-so said it was only going to run this much!" - I'm trying to shave five to ten dollars off the price.

[thehippie777]

Oh we are just going to be using the room for a couple hours. = We will use every single thing in the room, and prolly stay until checkout (oh yeah we are also cheap).

But we got a cheaper rate at (same hotel brand) in a different state last night. = Not really, plus we aren’t taking into account supply and demand in different areas because we are banking on you are that stupid.

We weren’t the room making noise. = Even though you caught us red-handed in making noise, we are bastards and are teaching our children to lie at an early age. Bonus thought, “We don’t want to be responsible for ourselves.”

[mattm04]

"But the sign said..." I saw a sign somewhere in the store that advertised some discount on some product. I never read what it was for I just assumed it was this.

"This rang up wrong" I am lying about this being eh incorrect price, I just wanted it cheaper OR I never read the sign that stated the sale was only on Product X when I have Product Y.

*99.9% of the time the above is true, the other .8% of the time the computer price is wrong.