Tweet
Warning: Disgusting parts.
Ok, there are some things I just haven't seen yet. Some things I never want to see, in fact. Well hell, there's one fewer of these, and I swear to god, every day I get closer to mass murderer status.
So, let's start out my day: I work the graveyard shift, so I get into work at about 10pm or so, give or take 10 minutes since I'm on salary, and have some leeway. I walk in tonight, set down my suitcase, check out my radio and keys, and set about catching up on my email to see what happened in the hotel while I was asleep. This is my arriving ritual, and I tend to relax during it and just absorb some information, this is also when I try to get something to eat in case all hell breaks loose, and I'm too busy to do so for most of the night.
Enter one of my employees, stage left, who says the following to me, and it is something that I have yet to ever hear in my entire hotel career:
"Khiras?"
"Yeah?"
"Someone just shit in the lobby."
"Are you fucking kidding me?"
"No."
"Someone. Shit. In our lobby?"
"Yeah."
"Are they dead?"
"Uh...no?"
"Why not!?"
So, I put on my coat, grab my radio from the desk, and proceed to walk out into the lobby while muttering every choice phrase I know, plus a few I made up along the way. Here's what I learn upon arrival.
My new best friend, who we will now refer to as Shitcock (sparingly, for the mods sake), first introduced himself to random guests by walking past our side entrance, and dropping his pants (not his underpants, just his shorts). He then high-tails it to the front doors, where he walks inside...and halfway through the lobby, THINGS begin to drop from his pants. Squishy, smelly, disgusting fucking things. Not even like it was a sudden condition, but like he had been eating nonstop for a week without using a god damn toilet.
He proceeds to walk to the lobby bathroom, in full view of probably 150 people at our lobby bar who are now painfully aware of the lumps of shit on the lobby floor, and heads into a stall. He changes his shorts, wipes up, and puts on new pants. Somehow, in the process of this, he gets shit on the floor, shit on the stall walls, shit on the toilet, shit on the stall door, and shit on the fucking sink!? You've got to be kidding me! We then confront him...at which point we try to confirm if he's a guest here (keeping in mind that, if he is, we can't immediately strangle him to death), and he begins threatening us. We make a fake call to "police officers" using the radio, and he immediately high-tails it out, making it obvious he's just some jackass from off the street.
So we chase him off...and we are now left with the clean-up of this man's ass nuggets, in full sight of every guest in that area. 10 hours later, I still have the smell stuck to me...I even showered twice (one after, in our locker rooms, and once just now at home) and I can still smell it. I know it's all in my head, but come on man!
The kicker? One of the other managers who helped us clean it up (we helped Housekeeping because, come on, I can't just sentence someone else to clean up something that awful and walk away) goes home not much later. She's at the bus station...and sees Shitcock in his neon green pants that he switched into. She gets on her bus...and he's on the same bus. Just in case, she called her local police in case he tried to attack her at her stop, but it wasn't needed. Got a nice picture of him that we posted everywhere though to make sure he can never get back in here.
I swear, if SCs had but one neck, I would go to town with a dull hatchet all week. I honestly think these people will literally drive me to murder some day
Ok, there are some things I just haven't seen yet. Some things I never want to see, in fact. Well hell, there's one fewer of these, and I swear to god, every day I get closer to mass murderer status.
So, let's start out my day: I work the graveyard shift, so I get into work at about 10pm or so, give or take 10 minutes since I'm on salary, and have some leeway. I walk in tonight, set down my suitcase, check out my radio and keys, and set about catching up on my email to see what happened in the hotel while I was asleep. This is my arriving ritual, and I tend to relax during it and just absorb some information, this is also when I try to get something to eat in case all hell breaks loose, and I'm too busy to do so for most of the night.
Enter one of my employees, stage left, who says the following to me, and it is something that I have yet to ever hear in my entire hotel career:
"Khiras?"
"Yeah?"
"Someone just shit in the lobby."
"Are you fucking kidding me?"
"No."
"Someone. Shit. In our lobby?"
"Yeah."
"Are they dead?"
"Uh...no?"
"Why not!?"
So, I put on my coat, grab my radio from the desk, and proceed to walk out into the lobby while muttering every choice phrase I know, plus a few I made up along the way. Here's what I learn upon arrival.
My new best friend, who we will now refer to as Shitcock (sparingly, for the mods sake), first introduced himself to random guests by walking past our side entrance, and dropping his pants (not his underpants, just his shorts). He then high-tails it to the front doors, where he walks inside...and halfway through the lobby, THINGS begin to drop from his pants. Squishy, smelly, disgusting fucking things. Not even like it was a sudden condition, but like he had been eating nonstop for a week without using a god damn toilet.
He proceeds to walk to the lobby bathroom, in full view of probably 150 people at our lobby bar who are now painfully aware of the lumps of shit on the lobby floor, and heads into a stall. He changes his shorts, wipes up, and puts on new pants. Somehow, in the process of this, he gets shit on the floor, shit on the stall walls, shit on the toilet, shit on the stall door, and shit on the fucking sink!? You've got to be kidding me! We then confront him...at which point we try to confirm if he's a guest here (keeping in mind that, if he is, we can't immediately strangle him to death), and he begins threatening us. We make a fake call to "police officers" using the radio, and he immediately high-tails it out, making it obvious he's just some jackass from off the street.
So we chase him off...and we are now left with the clean-up of this man's ass nuggets, in full sight of every guest in that area. 10 hours later, I still have the smell stuck to me...I even showered twice (one after, in our locker rooms, and once just now at home) and I can still smell it. I know it's all in my head, but come on man!
The kicker? One of the other managers who helped us clean it up (we helped Housekeeping because, come on, I can't just sentence someone else to clean up something that awful and walk away) goes home not much later. She's at the bus station...and sees Shitcock in his neon green pants that he switched into. She gets on her bus...and he's on the same bus. Just in case, she called her local police in case he tried to attack her at her stop, but it wasn't needed. Got a nice picture of him that we posted everywhere though to make sure he can never get back in here.
I swear, if SCs had but one neck, I would go to town with a dull hatchet all week. I honestly think these people will literally drive me to murder some day
Where's the brain bleach when you need it most?!
Oh Dear Lord you are a better person than me. I don't think I could of helped cleaned it up!
Comment