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A regular of ours is a rich older woman who is an absolute waste of life. We know shes rich because of the huge rock on her finger and the holier-than-thou attidude she exudes in tangible waves that signal her presence whenever she enters the vicinity.
RB = rich bitch
RB: "I need to ship this vase." (pronounced vaaz)
Me: "Alright, lets take a look at it."
RB: "I'd like it if it didn't arrive all dirty like the last gift I sent from your store."
Me: "Your item arrived dirty?"
RB: "No, the box was dirty."
Me: "Hmmm, well, all the boxes go through a system of conveyor belts and they are in big trucks with a lot of other packages, we don't really have any control over what gets on the box en route. Our job is just to make sure it gets there safely and on time."
RB: **enter her patented snotty holier-than-thou voice** "Well your job should be to make sure the customer is satisfied. Tell your driver to be more careful with this one, won't you?"
I dein not to argue.
Me: "Yes, I sure will."
When she leaves my manager (who is awesome) and I begin to shittalk her and all rich bitches in general as we package her "vaaz." Out the window we can see her, she goes into the department store on the other side of the parking lot. We decide to play a little joke.
A little background: I write in my spare time, mostly sci-fi and shit but sometimes I get carried away and something crazy unveils itself from the perverted dark depths of my psyche. And I keep these manifestations with me on a flash drive at all times. We print out a copy of my most kinky, twisted, and corrupt triple XXX flash fiction scene ever contrived. Think VERY, REALLY, or VASTLY explicit. We fold it up with another piece of paper and leave it on the windshield of her Escalade.
When she found it, it was totally worth it... while her reaction may not have been you-tube worthy had it been witnessed by anyone else it definatly made my day. She grabbed it off the windshield and read it for about 10 secs, looked around the parking lot suspiciously, checked her watch, got in the car with it and drove off.
Haha!!! She checked her watch!!! Speculation, anyone?
RB = rich bitch
RB: "I need to ship this vase." (pronounced vaaz)
Me: "Alright, lets take a look at it."
RB: "I'd like it if it didn't arrive all dirty like the last gift I sent from your store."
Me: "Your item arrived dirty?"
RB: "No, the box was dirty."
Me: "Hmmm, well, all the boxes go through a system of conveyor belts and they are in big trucks with a lot of other packages, we don't really have any control over what gets on the box en route. Our job is just to make sure it gets there safely and on time."
RB: **enter her patented snotty holier-than-thou voice** "Well your job should be to make sure the customer is satisfied. Tell your driver to be more careful with this one, won't you?"
I dein not to argue.
Me: "Yes, I sure will."
When she leaves my manager (who is awesome) and I begin to shittalk her and all rich bitches in general as we package her "vaaz." Out the window we can see her, she goes into the department store on the other side of the parking lot. We decide to play a little joke.
A little background: I write in my spare time, mostly sci-fi and shit but sometimes I get carried away and something crazy unveils itself from the perverted dark depths of my psyche. And I keep these manifestations with me on a flash drive at all times. We print out a copy of my most kinky, twisted, and corrupt triple XXX flash fiction scene ever contrived. Think VERY, REALLY, or VASTLY explicit. We fold it up with another piece of paper and leave it on the windshield of her Escalade.
When she found it, it was totally worth it... while her reaction may not have been you-tube worthy had it been witnessed by anyone else it definatly made my day. She grabbed it off the windshield and read it for about 10 secs, looked around the parking lot suspiciously, checked her watch, got in the car with it and drove off.
Haha!!! She checked her watch!!! Speculation, anyone?
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