Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Industrial strength funeral suck (long)

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #16
    I want to be cremated and have my ashes mixed with about a pound of pure columbian cocaine....what I think I would make some damn good cut. And then have Keith Richards snort my ass up. That fucker will never die and could snort anthrax and still survive.
    My Karma ran over your dogma.

    Comment


    • #17
      Quoth MystyGlyttyr View Post
      Well, let's see about my funeral home folks...

      A has ADHD, E is a hypochondriac, J is an unrepentant screaming SC Type-A personality, L has a massive persecution complex, M refuses to allow technology into her funeral home, H has wild bouts of OCD, V smokes pot while she's waiting on the embalming to finish...

      Annnnnnd then there's me, so...

      I'd say most funeral folks come pre-equipped with some level of not-completely-sane.
      Can I be your new co-worker? I'm clinically insane. I'd fit right in!
      Ridiculous 2009 Predictions: Evil Queen will beat Martha Stewart to death with a muffin pan. All hail Evil Queen! (Some things don't need elaboration.....) -- Jester

      Ridiculous 2010 Predictions: Evil Queen, after escaping prison for last years prediction, goes out and waffle irons Rachel Ray to death. -- SG15Z

      Ridiculous 2011 Prediction: Evil Queen will beat Gordon Ramsay over the head with a cast-iron skillet. -- FireHeart

      Comment


      • #18
        A group of us are going to be buried in armour to really confuse future archeologists.

        I don't want cut flowers for me- I hate cut flowers, just watching them wither and die. I want seeds planted on my grave and a wicker coffin, so I can nourish the soil.
        Deepak Chopra says, "Fear deprives people of choice. Fear shrinks the world into isolated, defensive enclaves. Fear spirals out of control. Fear makes everyday life seem clouded over with danger.

        Comment


        • #19
          Quoth GingerBiscuit View Post
          A group of us are going to be buried in armour to really confuse future archeologists.

          I don't want cut flowers for me- I hate cut flowers, just watching them wither and die. I want seeds planted on my grave and a wicker coffin, so I can nourish the soil.
          I see that and i raise you one:

          I want to be buried in a Chaos Space Marine suit of power armor ;P

          For real tho it seems like a waste to embalm me and make me take up space in the ground. Might as well burn me.

          Comment


          • #20
            My god those kids.. yesh.


            As for me, after the organ donation people take everything they can use, I'm going to be cremated, but as for my 'funeral', casual dress BBQ

            Comment


            • #21
              When I die, they can turn my body into the human equivalent of a car in a Pick Your Part yard.

              Then cremate the rest.

              That is, unless I change my mind between now and such time as I join the bleedin' choir invisible. But that's what I'll go with right now.
              Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

              "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

              Comment


              • #22
                Quoth digilight View Post
                I want to be cremated and have my ashes mixed with about a pound of pure columbian cocaine....what I think I would make some damn good cut. And then have Keith Richards snort my ass up. That fucker will never die and could snort anthrax and still survive.
                That's funny, though it "Colombian", not "Columbian" when you refer to the country.

                Yeah, moronic kids wanting beer, when their buddy died how? Worse would be a suicide pact.

                I remember at one funeral someone was playing "Memories" from Cats, the one with Babs singing. I tried not to laugh out loud.

                Too bad it would be impossible to be buried alive. I want to see if anyone showed up at my funeral. No relatives showed up to my graduation, but they made it to the party.

                When I die, they can turn my body into the human equivalent of a car in a Pick Your Part yard
                I remember when my dad died they asked if I wanted to donate any of his organs. The man was 65 yrs old and died of a heart attack. I can't think of one good organ in him.
                Last edited by depechemodefan; 08-03-2008, 03:15 AM.
                Time! Time! Time is what turns kittens into cats.

                Don't teach me a lesson; all I learn is that you are an asshole.

                I wish porn had subtitles.

                Comment


                • #23
                  Our driver has been gone about 10 minutes when another call comes in to us back in the kitchen: It's Mom again, saying the funeralgoers have left because there was no food or drink, so she doesn't want it anymore. Our driver left her phone at the store, so we can't alert her to this new development. She arrives, unloads the soda onto a cart and wheels it up to the hotel door
                  ... anyone else wonder if there was something fishy about that?

                  First there's a call complaining about lack of servers, then a call requesting more food (and 100 sandwiches sounds like a lot), and within 10 minutes it's canceled... kinda makes me wonder if someone at the funeral home did it just to stiff you with the extra food, like childish revenge for not providing free servers...

                  but i could be wrong...

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    What great kids they were. What a bunch of assholes, and more than likely SC's in the making.

                    The mother could very well have been trying to avoid dealing with mourning her child but keeping herself busy so she may not have been entirely sucky.

                    But for me I want to be mummified just like the egyptians did, so that one day someone could find my body and speculate on how I lived and died.
                    Am I sad because I am looking forward to the day when the people I will be dealing with will no longer be able to talk back?

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Quoth Acolyte View Post
                      I want a Viking funeral.
                      Yay ! Floating pyre !
                      "I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question."

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Dad always said that he wanted to be stuffed...and put into his hunting tree stand. That way, not only could he keep an eye on Grandma's farm...but scare the crap of any poachers
                        Aerodynamics are for people who can't build engines. --Enzo Ferrari

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          I'd like my body to be donated to science. I like science. It's done me a world of good. I'd like to return the favour.

                          For my actual funeral, open up with Tom Wait's "Time" playing as a slideshow/video of my life playing. Then, I want male go-go dancers in sequined hot pants dancing to Donna Summer's "Last Dance".

                          Does anyone think it's weird that I've got my funeral planned, but I've no idea what to do for my wedding?
                          "I don't have to take this abuse from you, I've got hundreds of people dying to abuse me."
                          "Free at last from my vegetable prison!"
                          X-Strike Studios: Video game movies done RIGHT!

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Oh no, not at all.

                            The closest I've got to arrangements for my wedding is 'I want you all to wear FABULOUS hats!' and I suspect that the wedding is closer than my funeral.
                            Deepak Chopra says, "Fear deprives people of choice. Fear shrinks the world into isolated, defensive enclaves. Fear spirals out of control. Fear makes everyday life seem clouded over with danger.

                            Comment

                            Working...