Quoth RetailActress
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Customer Avoidance Techniques
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I'm on the phones, so those tactics don't work.
But, we have our own lot.
The thing most loathed is account openings... 'Do you have access to the net?" or "We've got our CSC at... if you go there, you can get all your stuff over the counter".
Being graveyard shift, I've heard a few times "You'll need to ring back in the morning", and "We don't have access to that database", and the always useful "The network seems to be down at the moment, can you call back later?".
Dodging calls altogether... go help one of the newbies with a simple question, print off a stack of forms that need to be stocked up, a quick bit of personal time, and no doubt... many have just hung up mid-call!When I said "From my research", what I actually meant to say was "Made shit up" - from a thottbot thread
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I just pace back and forth polishing my knife and muttering to myself. People tend to give me a wide berth.
Really though, I hardly ever duck customers in my current job. The only exception is this one man we get whom all the females avoid if possible. If our one male co-worker is available, he takes this customer. And he's happy to do it for us.
When I was waitressing, me and the other server had a very complicated system for ducking certain tables. Like, whoever runs to the bar and slaps the cappuccino maker first gets out of it. There were different rules for every regular SC. Playing those silly games was so much fun that we never minded losing all that much.
If you have to ask, it's probably better posted at www.fratching.com
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When responding to a customer's e-mail:
1. Respond in a language not spoken by the customer.
2. Answer a different question than the customer asked.
3. Upon receiving an emergency e-mail that requires immediate attention, take a break or go to lunch. If it is close to the end of your shift, just ignore it until the next day. No use worrying about it now.
4. Try to sell the customer something they said they don't want. What do customers really know about what they want??The universe is mostly empty space, and so is your job. ~Dilbert
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'Sorry, I can't leave the fitting rooms to check' *points to employee on the floor*. Technically, I'm right, I can't, unless I have cover but what's the point, might as well get the person on the floor. Can't leave them unattended, they get fleeced enough as it is..anyway, how sucky would it be to work in a shop where you are made to spring on customers 'Can I help you!!!', I'd die with shame.
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I just grabbed an office job where my role means I don't have the qualifications to (legally) speak to the customer (we produce Pharmacy software, 95% of the questions to my department have to be answered by a Pharmacist).Lady, people aren't chocolates. D'you know what they are mostly? Bastards. Bastard-coated bastards with bastard filling. Dr Cox - Scrubs
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I had a friend who would wash the floors of his convenience store with undiluted cleaning product 15 minutes before closing. It was pungent enough that last minute browsers quickly made a purchase or left.
He always closed on time.The best karma is letting a jerk bash himself senseless on the wall of your polite indifference.
The stupid is strong with this one.
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I tend to fall back on the old "Fixing the busted/jammed printer" ploy
Duck down with a mess of paper, start muttering & pressing buttons. Always works"I reject your reality and substitute my own"....Adam Savage-Mythbuster
Must remember to stop using "brain of death" on slower morons.... I meant customers.
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At my last job i would conveniently have to go get change for the register, or go help a new employee, or check the fitting room 3 departments away that no one else checks and so it gets trashed. I also used to spend a good amount of time in my manager's office reading all the endless memos and reminders they post for us that no one ever reads.Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
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Quoth penguingeekgod View PostWe did those at the car wash I worked at. There was this gay guy that came in on a regular basis. The problem was not that he was gay, but, rather, that it was well known that he worked as a male stripper. This would be less of a problem if he didn't pay in ALL SINGLES. All thing considered, we all had a good idea on where that money had been, so the vets left the n00bs to deal with the cash, but they were told to leave it aside. Said cash got washed in the back room.
Dick $$$ *shudder*
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I thought of one that I do, although rarely.
We have three incoming phone lines and sometimes I'm the only person covering. If they won't stop ringing while I'm helping another customer (usually it's just ONE very impatient caller hitting redial repeatedly because he thinks he'll get faster service that way), I'll put the open phone lines on hold to shut the phones up for five minutes while I catch up with customer emails and return calls to customers who left messages in voice mail.The best karma is letting a jerk bash himself senseless on the wall of your polite indifference.
The stupid is strong with this one.
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Slacking techniques
Append thread to how to get fired thread....
My first job was for a corporation that was waaaay understaffed on the busy weekends. I was the ONLY person mounting tires, and the line quickly grew to five hours, EVERY weekend. They'd crack the whip on me but not assign another person to the task until the line grew longer than hours left in the workday. I started taking a lot of half-hour shits until finally quitting and going for better wages, duties, and hours elsewhere.
Now I own my own business, at a younger age than some of my co-workers there. Wallow in customer-avoidance techniques too long, and they thwart the urge to seek better. Beware.
-AutomanSuckiness is reinforced up OR down at every transaction. Accepting BS makes them worse for all of us; firm fairness trains them to suck less.
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Quoth Automan Empire View PostWallow in customer-avoidance techniques too long, and they thwart the urge to seek better. Beware.
-Automan
This is a small family-owned and run place that's been around for over 35 years. The way we do things works for us and works for the vast majority of our customers who appreciate the service we provide for the price we charge.
If we got caught up in the idea that the PHONE MUST BE ANSWERED within seconds, we'd have to hire a lot more staff and raise prices so much that we'd lose a lot of our wonderful customers and go out of business.
The good news is that we are revamping the phone systems to shunt calls right to voice mail when someone calls while all of us are busy with other customers. We'll see a blinking light letting us know that we have to check voice mail when we are done. We might experiment by setting up a hold queue, but most of our customers actually prefer leaving a message and getting a call back. They know us well and trust us to get back to them as soon as we can. Mainly because we consistently DO get back to them as soon as we can.The best karma is letting a jerk bash himself senseless on the wall of your polite indifference.
The stupid is strong with this one.
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Quoth RetailActress View PostYou're not the only one on duty. Let your co-workers deal with them.
What are your best ways for sneakily avoiding interactions with annoying customers?
Some suggestions:
1. Keep a vigilant eye on the parking lot, and who's getting out of cars and approaching your store, especially if they're carrying your logo bags which means RETURNS!
2. Detect an annoying customer appoaching? Go to the ladies'/men's room.
I'm always the one to keep an eye out the front door. If I see a car pull up without anyone else knowing, I will usually decide that I'm going to take out boxes or something else in the back. It works quite well.My Fur Affinity Page:https://www.furaffinity.net/user/thetigress/
My Weasyl Page: https://www.weasyl.com/profile/thetigress
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