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And you just hit me, violently and repeatedly. 
I know it's Back to School, but I must say I am getting alarmed at the amount of crayons we are selling. Seriously, I get at least 24 packs requested in every pull request I download. You can't tell me they are all being purchased by parents of schoolchildren. This town ain't that big. Methinks the inhabitants are restocking their supplies of their favorite writing implements.
And now for something completely different:
More Notebook Nincompoopery
Among the people completely and totally trashing the seasonal Back To School department were a group of genetic dead-ends. I mean, seriously, I looked at these people and the banjo theme from Deliverance cranked right up. The mother (at least I assume that's who she was) had a rat tail snaking down her back from her otherwise short hair, and about 4 teeth in the stinkhole she calls a mouth. Gramma was decked out in some kind of a stained nightgown/housedress and one of the kids was wearing a wifebeater and (I think) boxer shorts with the, ahem, barn door left open.
Communicating almost exclusively in "fucks", "shits", and "gawdammits", they traipsed throughout the department tearing apart the stacks of notebooks looking for the ever-elusive notebook with an orange cover.
Mom: Fahk! They's no orange ones! Y'all need an orange one fer ya math class! Hey you! (referring to me). Where's your orange notebooks at?
Me: I'm afraid they don't make them for the 10-cent ones, but we've got some back here with an orange plastic cover. They are more expensive though.
And so I showed her where they were.
Mom: Gawdammit! I dowanna pay that much for a notebook!
Kid: I wan' this one! (holding up a notebook with Kyle Busch(
) on the cover)
Mom: NO! You need an orange one! I got one! I'll take this one, but next year they should make orange ones fer 10 cents!
And thus their chewing tobacco budget was evidently shot to hell, but at least she had her orange notebook. I'll pass along her concerns to the Mead Corporation--not.
Overheard from the Electronics Department As I Was Giving The Employee There His Things To Fill
Customer: Where are your cellphone covers?
Electronics Guy: Cell phone covers? Right here in the corner. (shows customer, a female, where they are)
Customer: Do you have any camo ones? Especially pink ones. I'd like a Pink camo cell phone cover.
Me:
WHYISIT?
Whyisit all the carryouts come in when I'm responsible for them?
Shit, we were dead for over two hours with no carryouts, and then the guy assigned to carryout went on break, and then BOOM! Two big carryouts, which I was responsible for. A bedroom set being the first one, and the second a massive, massive Tramapoline! Trampopoline!
As I was bringing the trampoline up to the front, some guy evidently summoned me to help him, not by saying "Excuse me" or anything, but by waving his thumb past his head as if to say "Come hither wage peon!" I saw him do this out of the corner of my eye, but I shifted my gaze away so I could pretend I didn't see him.
It turned out the person buying the trampoline had second thoughts, so I got to schlep the damn thing back to the backroom, and along the way I ran into...the guy who wanted me to help him.
Guy: HEY! I asked you for help!
Me:
No you didn't.
Guy: Yes you did! You saw me motioning to you!
Me: No I didn't. If you wanted help you should've said something and I'd have been happy to help you.
Guy: Don't get cocky with me! I'm reporting you!
And so he stormed up to the service desk to report me or something, which means I will get off scot-free because the service desk people don't pass customer complaints like that on to management. They just stand there and let them vent and say anything to get them the hell out of their faces.
Numbnuts Lies Again
While doing various big important receiving things with the stock crew, I noticed Numbnuts pulled one SKU in one hour and seemed to be treating the store as his personal labyrinth as usual:
Me: What are you doing right now?
NN: Autopull.
Me: Want to try again? I saw you pull one sku one hour ago and nothing other than that.
NN: That's not true! There were like 10 in there.
Me: Oh, that's so much better. You are supposed to be doing pulls and you are supposed to be filling out your log. I notice you aren't doing either of those things. Fix that.
And off he went. Three hours later, when he left, he hadn't pulled anything else or downloaded any more pulls, so that was left for me to do instead. On my lunch break I glanced at his autopull log and he wrote that he downloaded and filled 41 skus in one hour, 52 the next, and 32 an hour after that.
Whatever. I saw he didn't do shit again today. Oh well, he'll be found out when our manager downloads the autopull report and sees that none of these supposed pulls were even requested, let alone filled.
I know it's Back to School, but I must say I am getting alarmed at the amount of crayons we are selling. Seriously, I get at least 24 packs requested in every pull request I download. You can't tell me they are all being purchased by parents of schoolchildren. This town ain't that big. Methinks the inhabitants are restocking their supplies of their favorite writing implements.
And now for something completely different:
More Notebook Nincompoopery
Among the people completely and totally trashing the seasonal Back To School department were a group of genetic dead-ends. I mean, seriously, I looked at these people and the banjo theme from Deliverance cranked right up. The mother (at least I assume that's who she was) had a rat tail snaking down her back from her otherwise short hair, and about 4 teeth in the stinkhole she calls a mouth. Gramma was decked out in some kind of a stained nightgown/housedress and one of the kids was wearing a wifebeater and (I think) boxer shorts with the, ahem, barn door left open.
Communicating almost exclusively in "fucks", "shits", and "gawdammits", they traipsed throughout the department tearing apart the stacks of notebooks looking for the ever-elusive notebook with an orange cover.
Mom: Fahk! They's no orange ones! Y'all need an orange one fer ya math class! Hey you! (referring to me). Where's your orange notebooks at?
Me: I'm afraid they don't make them for the 10-cent ones, but we've got some back here with an orange plastic cover. They are more expensive though.
And so I showed her where they were.
Mom: Gawdammit! I dowanna pay that much for a notebook!
Kid: I wan' this one! (holding up a notebook with Kyle Busch(
) on the cover)Mom: NO! You need an orange one! I got one! I'll take this one, but next year they should make orange ones fer 10 cents!
And thus their chewing tobacco budget was evidently shot to hell, but at least she had her orange notebook. I'll pass along her concerns to the Mead Corporation--not.
Overheard from the Electronics Department As I Was Giving The Employee There His Things To Fill
Customer: Where are your cellphone covers?
Electronics Guy: Cell phone covers? Right here in the corner. (shows customer, a female, where they are)
Customer: Do you have any camo ones? Especially pink ones. I'd like a Pink camo cell phone cover.
Me:
WHYISIT?
Whyisit all the carryouts come in when I'm responsible for them?
Shit, we were dead for over two hours with no carryouts, and then the guy assigned to carryout went on break, and then BOOM! Two big carryouts, which I was responsible for. A bedroom set being the first one, and the second a massive, massive Tramapoline! Trampopoline!
As I was bringing the trampoline up to the front, some guy evidently summoned me to help him, not by saying "Excuse me" or anything, but by waving his thumb past his head as if to say "Come hither wage peon!" I saw him do this out of the corner of my eye, but I shifted my gaze away so I could pretend I didn't see him.
It turned out the person buying the trampoline had second thoughts, so I got to schlep the damn thing back to the backroom, and along the way I ran into...the guy who wanted me to help him.
Guy: HEY! I asked you for help!
Me:
No you didn't.Guy: Yes you did! You saw me motioning to you!
Me: No I didn't. If you wanted help you should've said something and I'd have been happy to help you.
Guy: Don't get cocky with me! I'm reporting you!
And so he stormed up to the service desk to report me or something, which means I will get off scot-free because the service desk people don't pass customer complaints like that on to management. They just stand there and let them vent and say anything to get them the hell out of their faces.
Numbnuts Lies Again
While doing various big important receiving things with the stock crew, I noticed Numbnuts pulled one SKU in one hour and seemed to be treating the store as his personal labyrinth as usual:
Me: What are you doing right now?
NN: Autopull.
Me: Want to try again? I saw you pull one sku one hour ago and nothing other than that.
NN: That's not true! There were like 10 in there.
Me: Oh, that's so much better. You are supposed to be doing pulls and you are supposed to be filling out your log. I notice you aren't doing either of those things. Fix that.
And off he went. Three hours later, when he left, he hadn't pulled anything else or downloaded any more pulls, so that was left for me to do instead. On my lunch break I glanced at his autopull log and he wrote that he downloaded and filled 41 skus in one hour, 52 the next, and 32 an hour after that.
Whatever. I saw he didn't do shit again today. Oh well, he'll be found out when our manager downloads the autopull report and sees that none of these supposed pulls were even requested, let alone filled.
(Although, I must admit, he was lucky, he doesn't have the image emblazoned on his brain).
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