Everybody's a Comedian.

[ThePhoneGoddess]

Mr. TMI

Me: I'm sorry, sir, I cannot complete your order without that information.
SC: All right, hang on. Don't want to sound crude, but lemme get my pants on.
Me: Ok, sir.
SC: I just need to get my pants on, and I'll go get that from my wallet for you. I got a coupla my sisters and their kids staying here so I can't wander about nekkid, you know?
Me: Mmm-hmm.
SC: Not like they're not used to it---my sisters, I mean. I grew up in a house with my Mom and 4 sisters. Man, I was pretty much raised as a woman! *loud guffaws* I'm like a female in a man's body. Yeah, that's it! I'm a lesbian in a man's body! *more loud guffaws* Where the hell are my pants?


*sigh* Everybody's a comedian.



Grumpy old Men

Me: Thank you for calling Bugaboo cell phones, my name is TPG, can I have the mobile number you're calling about?
SC: 123-456-7890.
Me: Thank you Ma'am, just---
SC: *in a super-cranky voice* I'M A HE!!
Me: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. You have a high pitched voice and I didn't realize you were a man. I apologize.
SC: *still more cranky voice* Well I'd have had a heart attack if you called me sir! Nobody ever calls me sir on the phone! They think I'm a woman, dammit!
Me: I'm sorry, sir. I apologize.
SC: Oh, quit apologizing and get me my minutes girl!
Me: Yes sir.


If I call you sir enough times, will you have a heart attack then?




Miss Anger Management

SC: THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR THIS! THIS IS BEYOND RIDICULOUS! THIS IS A PREPAID PHONE! HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO ME!
Me: Ma'am I---
SC: I WON'T STAND FOR THIS! THERE IS NO EXCUSE YOU CAN GIVE ME FOR THIS DELAY! THERE IS NO EXCUSE! I WANT MY MINUTES NOW GODDAMMIT!
Me: Ma'am I---
SC: WELL?! WHAT STUPID EXCUSE YOU GOING TO GIVE ME? I'M WAITING TO HEAR IT!
Me: Ma'am I---
SC: WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG! I HAVE IMPORTANT PHONE CALLS TO MAKE! I NEED TO MAKE THEM RIGHT NOW! WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG?! THIS IS BEYOND RIDICULOUS!
Me: IF YOU DON'T STOP YELLING AND LET ME HELP YOU I AM GOING TO DISCONNECT THIS CALL, DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR MA'AM?!
SC: *GAAAAASP* HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT!
Me: Ma'am I cannot help you if you won't let me---
SC: I DON'T CARE! HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT! DOES YOUR BOSS KNOW YOU TALK TO YOUR CUSTOMERS LIKE THAT! I BET YOU WON'T HAVE A JOB AFTER HE FINDS OUT! HOW DARE YOU! HOW DARE YOU! I DON'T CARE WHAT YOUR EXCUSE IS, YOU ARE NOT PERMITTED TO TALK TO ME LIKE THAT AND YOU KNOW IT!
Me: *speaking over her* ALL RIGHT, I AM DISCONNECTING THIS CALL NOW. HAVE A NICE DAY. *CLICK*


She called back and told the lead I had cussed at her and called her racist names. The lead, who was sitting 3 chairs down the whole time, laughed in her face.



Stupid Coworker: Hey Milky. Milky. Milky. Hey Milky!
Me: What?!
Stupid coworker: Do you think that girl named Jenny out on the call floor looks like Willow from Buffy?
Me: Ummm...Wha?
Stupid Coworker: You know, Willow from Buffy! Do you think she looks like Willow?
Me: I don't know, I've never seen Buffy.
Stupid Co-worker: I thought you were into movies and shit!
Me: I am.
Stupid Coworker: Well then why don't you know Buffy?
Me: Are you talking about the movie? You know, with Kristy Swanson and Donald Sutherland? "cause I've seen that. Wasn't very good, but I saw it once, long ago. There wasn't anybody named Willow in it, but it's mildly funny. Kind of a parody of horror films, you know?
Stupid Coworker: *deer in headlights look* .......Ohh...ohmm. No I'm talking about the TV show. I didn't know there was a movie.
Me: So then why did you think I'd know all about it? I'm into movies, man, not TV.
Stupid Coworker: Oh---I didn't know there was a difference.
Me: Trust me.

[edible_hat]

Stupid coworker: Do you think that girl named Jenny out on the call floor looks like Willow from Buffy?

I hope for her sake she doesn't look like Willow from Willow.

[smileyeagle1021]

I hope for her sake she doesn't look like Willow from Willow.

damn, you beat me to it.

oh and there are days I feel like the crotchety old man... very few people catch the fact that I'm a guy on the phone.

[Kittish]

Mr. TMI
SC: *in a super-cranky voice* I'M A HE!!
Me: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. You have a high pitched voice and I didn't realize you were a man. I apologize.

Oooh, I've done that! I've done it enough times that if I get a call that seems even a little ambiguous one way or the other I'll *ask* the caller's name right up front for that little extra clue. Though, admittedly, I've still been wrong a couple of times even with the extra hint. And sometimes callers make getting that extra hint as tough as they can-

Me: Could I get your name, please?
Caller: Jones
Me:...
Caller:...
Me: First name please?
Caller: The name on the account is Mike.
Me: Am I speaking with Mr. Jones, then?
Caller: No, I'm his (wife/secretary/best bud/5th cousin twice removed so it was ok for me to marry his sister).
Me: What is YOUR name please?
Caller: Why do you need my name?

Arrrghh!

Where I'm at now, it's much easier. Most of the time callers will tell me their name right at the beginning. What makes that funny to me is that 97% of the time where I'm working now, I don't need to know a caller's name and couldn't repeat it back 30 seconds later; when I was in Omigawd at (Gourmet Food Company) I had to have a caller's name for anything more than 'what do you sell?' calls, and people were reluctant to tell me about half the time.

[tollbaby]

Me: Could I get your name, please?
Caller: Jones
Me:...
Caller:...
Me: First name please?
Caller: The name on the account is Mike.
Me: Am I speaking with Mr. Jones, then?
Caller: No, I'm his (wife/secretary/best bud/5th cousin twice removed so it was ok for me to marry his sister).
Me: What is YOUR name please?
Caller: Why do you need my name?

I have this conversation about 20 times a day. *grumble* I hate people, I really do. LOL If I have my doubts that I'm speaking to the account holder, I'm entitled to ask for their social insurance number (SSN for the yanks) in order to verify who I'm speaking to... at that point, I often get sheepish admissions of, "well, I'm his father/mother/wife/brother".... do NOT try to pass yourself off as another person and expect me to help you. *growl* I once spoke to a woman who swore up and down on a stack of Bibles that her name was Stanley Hutchison. *rolls eyes*

[ThePhoneGoddess]

Yes, I do too. It's enough to make you wanna hurl yourself out the plate glass window next to your desk.

[BroSCFischer]

oh and there are days I feel like the crotchety old man... very few people catch the fact that I'm a guy on the phone.

Same here. But I use it as my Telemarketer detector. Anyone I want to talk to knows who I am, and therefore that I am a guy.

SC

[crazylegs]

SC: THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR THIS! THIS IS BEYOND RIDICULOUS! THIS IS A PREPAID PHONE! HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO ME!
Me: Ma'am I---
[Rinse Lather Repeat snip]

Quite how she expects anybody to help her over her self indignant squawking is anyones guess.

[Imogene]

I'm like a female in a man's body. Yeah, that's it! I'm a lesbian in a man's body!

As someone who actually feels that way, sir, I'm afraid my urge to stab you is rising, and you've just lost any chance of me helping you. Now get the hell off my phone.

[wanderingjoe72]

I am guilty of getting the wrong gender on a call. I figure on a bad connection it is very possible to make a mistake. I apologise for it and most people are cool. Some just never get over the insecurity and will tear into anyone that doesn't guess right.

I never understood the Buffy fixation so many people have. The show isn't very interesting. I love sci fi and horror and Joss Whedon has done so much interesting stuff that I can forgive him for giving Sara Michelle a career. Buffy lasted for how many seasons and FireFly got cancelled? There is no justice. (which is probably why SCs get away with so much)

[rts]

Mr. TMI

Me: I'm sorry, sir, I cannot complete your order without that information.
SC: All right, hang on. Don't want to sound crude, but lemme get my pants on.
Me: Ok, sir.
SC: I just need to get my pants on, and I'll go get that from my wallet for you. I got a coupla my sisters and their kids staying here so I can't wander about nekkid, you know?
Me: Mmm-hmm.
SC: Not like they're not used to it---my sisters, I mean. I grew up in a house with my Mom and 4 sisters. Man, I was pretty much raised as a woman! *loud guffaws* I'm like a female in a man's body. Yeah, that's it! I'm a lesbian in a man's body! *more loud guffaws* Where the hell are my pants?


*sigh* Everybody's a comedian.

Leave the big jobs to the professionals! Amateur comedians are the worst, and don't laugh at your own jokes. You're usually the only one that is!

[XCashier]

SC: I just need to get my pants on, and I'll go get that from my wallet for you. I got a coupla my sisters and their kids staying here so I can't wander about nekkid, you know?
Me: Mmm-hmm.
SC: Not like they're not used to it---my sisters, I mean. I grew up in a house with my Mom and 4 sisters. Man, I was pretty much raised as a woman! *loud guffaws* I'm like a female in a man's body. Yeah, that's it! I'm a lesbian in a man's body! *more loud guffaws* Where the hell are my pants?

:sigh: What made him think that's acceptable conversation? Why not just say, "Let me get my wallet"? Doesn't anybody have a functioning brain-to-mouth filter anymore?

[Evil Queen]

Stupid coworker: Do you think that girl named Jenny out on the call floor looks like Willow from Buffy?

Your stupid Co-worker sounds like my SO. He likes red-heads.

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

One of my female friends has a very deep voice and is constantly mistaken for a man on the phone, the funny thing is when I talk her, even on the phone, I can pick up the female even if the voice is deep.

Maybe it's because I know her better.