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Nudity does not always make things better.
Hello you underpaid, overworked lovelies! After lurking for a few months, I decided that I finally have enough horror stories to post about.
I am a spa attendent. That means, I stand around the women's locker room and make sure it looks like no one has ever entered and you (the queen and most important client we will ever have) have everything that you need for your stay. It breaks down to being a janitor, waitress, tourguide, and salesperson.
Oh look, you're naked.
I know that working in a locker room means that I'll see a lot of naked women. I'm fine with that. No problem! However, when you start to hold 20 minute conversation with me while you're completely naked, watching yourself lotion... yourself... it gets a bit awkward. I'm glad you're comfortable with your body! I'm sure in the 1970's you were a hottie.. you just make me hope that plastic surgery is cheaper and more efficent when I get to your age.
Your child isn't charming.
I know is Europe nudity isn't as big of a deal as it is here in the States. You just threw down $350 dollars so you and your children could use the showers and steam room, so I want to make you comfortable. However, when I walk in and you have two children (under 13) standing naked while they sing an English(?) version of All-Star by Smashmouth
. I don't want to feel like a child predator and that made me feel dirty for days.
Bathtub fiasco. Super long, hoorah!
We have a hydrotherapy tub that you can add to a massage for an extra fee. It's a lovely experience, incredibly relaxing. Sadly, it's in the couples massage room. Everyone who works at the spa understands that couples are probably going to have sex in the tub. That's why we take extra care to make sure that the beds are made and that the person who has to clean gets and extra $10 bucks.
T - Massage Tech
SM - sucky male customer
SW - sucky woman
Me! -
SM & SW just got a couples massage. They now want to add a bath. No problem! They're already making out.. we know what's going to happen in the bath. I set it all up for them. T comes in and we make DAMN sure that both of the massage tables are made. We put as much crap on the top of them so SM & SW know that shouldn't go near them.
I take SM and SW to their bath. 25 minutes later, I go to knock to get them out. I walk away. T comes into the back room
T- They just asked for ten more minutes.
Me - Aw hell. That's no good.
I walk up and knock again. "I'm sorry sir, we're closing."
They leave the room. T and I walk in to assess the damage. There is water EVERYWHERE. It's a good 5 feet away from the tub. Only half the water is LEFt in the tub. The water aerobics must have been ASTOUNDING. They also took it upon themselves to completely ruin one of the beds. The sheets were everywhere. Maybe SW just needed to sit down to put her robe on
I start the clean up. (10 bucks here I come!) I know that I have two clients in the locker room, so I go to check and make sure they're okay. I walk in and a client is sitting there in shock. Two seconds later I hear someone moan from the shower. Right after that.. I hear a very deep, very masuline noise.
I ran my little butt to the back. I see T on the way.
Me - T... they're having sex in the shower.
T - No way.
Me - uh. yes.
T - call security.
Security comes in light speed time. I walk the female guard into the locker room. She's giggling the whole way. We walk in, SM is nowhere to be found. SW is combing her hair, completely naked, in front of the mirror. She looked like a proud lion. We go out to the reception desk. The Spa Director got wind from the poor client that was in the locker room and kicked SM out of the female's locker room.
SM then proceeded to tell the receptionist that he "didn't know" and tried to slip her 20 bucks. I guess reversing a lifetime ban isn't worth much nowadays.
I'm just glad we were closing and I didn't have to clean the shower.
I am a spa attendent. That means, I stand around the women's locker room and make sure it looks like no one has ever entered and you (the queen and most important client we will ever have) have everything that you need for your stay. It breaks down to being a janitor, waitress, tourguide, and salesperson.
Oh look, you're naked.
I know that working in a locker room means that I'll see a lot of naked women. I'm fine with that. No problem! However, when you start to hold 20 minute conversation with me while you're completely naked, watching yourself lotion... yourself... it gets a bit awkward. I'm glad you're comfortable with your body! I'm sure in the 1970's you were a hottie.. you just make me hope that plastic surgery is cheaper and more efficent when I get to your age.
Your child isn't charming.
I know is Europe nudity isn't as big of a deal as it is here in the States. You just threw down $350 dollars so you and your children could use the showers and steam room, so I want to make you comfortable. However, when I walk in and you have two children (under 13) standing naked while they sing an English(?) version of All-Star by Smashmouth
. I don't want to feel like a child predator and that made me feel dirty for days.Bathtub fiasco. Super long, hoorah!
We have a hydrotherapy tub that you can add to a massage for an extra fee. It's a lovely experience, incredibly relaxing. Sadly, it's in the couples massage room. Everyone who works at the spa understands that couples are probably going to have sex in the tub. That's why we take extra care to make sure that the beds are made and that the person who has to clean gets and extra $10 bucks.
T - Massage Tech
SM - sucky male customer
SW - sucky woman
Me! -
SM & SW just got a couples massage. They now want to add a bath. No problem! They're already making out.. we know what's going to happen in the bath. I set it all up for them. T comes in and we make DAMN sure that both of the massage tables are made. We put as much crap on the top of them so SM & SW know that shouldn't go near them.
I take SM and SW to their bath. 25 minutes later, I go to knock to get them out. I walk away. T comes into the back room
T- They just asked for ten more minutes.
Me - Aw hell. That's no good.
I walk up and knock again. "I'm sorry sir, we're closing."
They leave the room. T and I walk in to assess the damage. There is water EVERYWHERE. It's a good 5 feet away from the tub. Only half the water is LEFt in the tub. The water aerobics must have been ASTOUNDING. They also took it upon themselves to completely ruin one of the beds. The sheets were everywhere. Maybe SW just needed to sit down to put her robe on
I start the clean up. (10 bucks here I come!) I know that I have two clients in the locker room, so I go to check and make sure they're okay. I walk in and a client is sitting there in shock. Two seconds later I hear someone moan from the shower. Right after that.. I hear a very deep, very masuline noise.
I ran my little butt to the back. I see T on the way.
Me - T... they're having sex in the shower.
T - No way.
Me - uh. yes.
T - call security.
Security comes in light speed time. I walk the female guard into the locker room. She's giggling the whole way. We walk in, SM is nowhere to be found. SW is combing her hair, completely naked, in front of the mirror. She looked like a proud lion. We go out to the reception desk. The Spa Director got wind from the poor client that was in the locker room and kicked SM out of the female's locker room.
SM then proceeded to tell the receptionist that he "didn't know" and tried to slip her 20 bucks. I guess reversing a lifetime ban isn't worth much nowadays.
I'm just glad we were closing and I didn't have to clean the shower.
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