Dolly the sheep has a brother out there somewhere.

[ThePhoneGoddess]

I would like to introduce my new friend, Dolly.


Me: Can I have your name please sir?
SC: *very deep, masculine voice* My name is DOLLY. And I am a Ma'am, not a sir.
Me: Yes Ma'am. Is this your credit card?
SC: Yes it is.
Me: All right, to finish your order we just need to complete a security verification. I need to call your bank and have them verify some security information with you, all right?
SC: *click*

You're gonna have to try harder than that if you want to scam the likes of me.

*again*
SC: *very deep, masculine voice* Yes, my name is Dolly. I was trying to place an order, and the last representative hung up on me.
Me: No, actually, sir, you hung up on me. Are you ready to speak to your bank now?
SC: *click*

Dude, you're not learning from your mistakes here.


SC: Yes, my name is Dolly. I have been trying to place an order with my credit card for over an hour now and you people are giving me the run around. I want my phone refilled now!
Me: Okay, sir, I need to call your banka nd have them verify some security information with you.
SC: Okay, fine. But hurry up, I haven't got all night!

*I call the bank, then 3-way the call and the bank rep starts asking the customer security questions*

Bank rep: Sir, is this your wife's card?
SC: My name is DOLLY, and I am a Ma'am!
Bank rep: Okay, MA'AM. Can you tell me the date and amt of your most recent deposit please?
SC: Why would I tell you that?!
Bank rep: The merchant is trying to complete security procedures on this card, MA'AM. That is a standard security question.
SC: Well I don't remember. Can't you ask something else?
Bank rep: Ok, can you tell me your Mother's birthdate please.
SC: My date of birth is January 1, 1934.
Bank rep: No, MA'AM, I need your Mother's dob, not yours.
SC: How the hell would I know my Mother's date of birth?!
Bank rep: It is a standard security question, MA'AM. You gave it to us when you opened your account.
SC: Well how the hell am I supposed to remember shit like that?!!!
Bank rep: MA'AM, if you cannot answer the security questions, we wll not be able to successfully verify you.
SC: Well FUCK YOU, you stupid whore! You're all a bunch of stupid whores! *click*
Bank rep: Well, that was fun.
Me:




No phone for you. Go stand in the corner until you can act like an adult.

SC: I can't belieeeeeeeve this! I want my phone on! I need it on right now! I gots important phone calls to make! I don't belieeeeeve this!
Me: I am sorry, Ma'am, I cannot process an order on your card at this time.
SC: WAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! ARGGGHHHHH!!!!! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO HERE! *pant, foam at mouth, huff, pant and whine some more*
Me: *mute* I think this woman is actually having a tantrum right now. I can hear her kicking!
new co-worker: No shit!! I wanna hear! *coworker unplugs from his phone and plugs into the spare jack on mine*
Me: Ma'am?
SC: WHAT?!!
Me: Is there anything else I can do for you?
SC: PUT MINUTES ON MY PHONE, BITCH!
Me: I already told you, I cannot do that with this card. And do not cuss on my line, Ma'am.
SC: *starts sobbing* I want my minutes! I need those minutes! I have no phone! How am I supposed to call anyone? I'm all alone here!
Me; I'm sorry, Ma'am, but I am not able to process this order for you at this time.
SC: *still sobbing* You don't care! You don't care because I'm a prostitute! You just don't care! Nobody cares! *trails off incoherently*
Me: Ma'am, you can also go to a convenience store and purchase a prepaid card to add minutes.
SC: *still sobbing incoherently* ...don't care!! Nobody cares!!! ...just a hooker!!.....................................*clic k*
New coworker: Wow.
Me: You still like this job?
New coworker: Man, people are fascinating! Even when they're all messed up!
Me: I think you'll do just fine here.



Genius has it's limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
---Elbert Hubbard

SC: How dare you charge my card! I will have you all shut down for this!
Me: It looks like somebody called into our automated system and punched your card number in, Ma'am.
SC: I don't care how you did it, you had no right to charge my card!
Me: Ma'am, we didn't do anything. It looks like somebody has gotten your card number and is spending your money.
SC: Yeah! With you! Which makes it your fault!
Me: Are there any other charges on your bank statement from businesses other than us?
SC: Yes. Lots of them!
Me: Okay. You might want to call them as well and let them know the charges are unauthorized.
SC: Why would I want to do that?!
Me: Well, one, so they can stop any more charges from going through. Two, they may be able to give you more information about who is making these charges than I have been able to.
SC: What? So I now have to call each and every one of these businesses and find out why they are charggng my card! Why should I have to do any work on this! This is not MY fault!
Me: You don't have to if you don't want to, Ma'am. It was just a suggestion. You definitely need to call your bank, though, and let them know about this so they can shut the card down.
SC: I can't have the card shut down! I have 11 different bills set up on an automatic withdrawal on this card!
Me: Well, Ma'am, if you don't shut the card down, whoever is using your card number will be able to continue to spend your money with other merchants.
SC: God! This is so ridiculous! I shouldn't have to do any of this!
Me: You're right, Ma'am, you shouldn't have to do this. Unfortunately, somebody has gotten your financial information and you need to let the bank know so they can protect you. I know it sucks, but it needs to be done. I'm sorry.
SC: *sigh* You know what? I'll just call the bank and order them to take care of all this crap. I am way too busy to worry about any of this!
Me: *shakes head*

[KhirasHY]

That last one is the wrong shade of magical..."Someone's stealing from me! I'm too busy to deal with it though, so it's off to dump it in someone else's lap!"

Queue fanfare.

Seriously folks, if someone has stolen from you, it ain't always the company's fault, especially if it's an automated system...

[BaristaTrav]

So.. "Dolly" didn't even try to disguise its voice? Brazen I must say.. Perhaps a new category of fail. The "Brazen Fail."

[ThePhoneGoddess]

Nope, didn't even try. And in this particular case, I didn't even disguise the name. He actually tried to tell us his name was "Dolly". As in Dolly Parton.

[MiddleofNowhere]

I bow to the Phone Goddess

you know Elbert Hubbard. One of my favorites! And perfectly used, also!

P.S. At least you didn't have to see the 'hooker' face to face!

[Becks]

So.. "Dolly" didn't even try to disguise its voice? Brazen I must say..

To be fair, I have dealt with my fair share of women with deep voices.

[Pezzle]

To be fair, I have dealt with my fair share of women with deep voices.

I'm one of em'. I hate my voice with a passion.

[smileyeagle1021]

I'm one of em'. I hate my voice with a passion.

in that case can I trade you voices... mine apparently sounds feminine on the phone, so if you have a masculine sounding voice on the phone I'd gladly take it off your hands.

[powerboy]

Once I called the Dr's office to make an appointment. And they called me ma'am.

[Fire_on_High]

Well, I'm sure once they got you there and in the gown they realize the mistake, right?

[BlackIronCrown]

That last one is the wrong shade of magical..."Someone's stealing from me! I'm too busy to deal with it though, so it's off to dump it in someone else's lap!"

HA! And what will happen? Very little, if said person is not willing to put some effort into it. These are called 'people who have more money then they need or can handle'.

[Primer]

I'm another deep-voiced female. I actually don't mind my voice, as higher pitches tend to hurt my ears. I think that might make me unconsciously drop my voice even more. So, yes, I've been called "sir" more than once. Oh well.