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I don't want to claim that my customers are patently stupid simply because what they're saying to me doesn't make any sense, but every once in a while I get a claim that makes me wonder just what world some of these people live in.
These come from last week. I was trying to come up with a small collection of them before beginning this thread, but I couldn't get as many as I wanted.
Wii Destroy Lives
Customer approaches me as I'm passing through the video games section.
SC: Excuse me.
Me: Yes, sir. What can I do for you?
SC: How long is the waiting list for a Wii?
Me: We don't have a waiting list. It's first come, first served.
SC: Oh. Do you have any then?
Me: No, sorry. We've been getting some about every two or three weeks, though. They usually show up Wednesday evenings or Sunday mornings.
SC: I can't come those days! I work for a living! Tell you what: you go start a waiting list and put my name at the top. It's "Sucky Customer."
Me: Sorry, Mr. Customer, I'm not able to do that. We've thought of doing waiting lists, but with the erratic stock of the item, the extremely high demand for it, the number of other stores in the area that also carry it, and the currently low staffing budget here, it's just not feasible.
Me: Well, I can see you're planning to ruin yet another Christmas in the Customer household! I'll be back on Black Friday, and you'd better have a Wii for me!
So, if I understand this guy correctly, he's been trying to get a Wii since they released back in '06. His family's been wanting one for Christmas since then, and he hasn't been able to get one. He refuses to actually try to get one when they're available and would rather make demands of retail peons. And he expects to show up on Black Friday to find me waiting patiently for him, a Wii in my arms? We're lucky to have even the unpopular video games in stock at the end of Black Friday, let alone any kind of console!
And thank you, Mr. Customer, for insinuating that I don't work for a living. I don't know whether you mean that I don't work or that I don't live, but you've insulted me either way, and you can be sure I will do my best to ruin yet another Christmas in your household by selling every Wii we get to your neighbors and not to you.
Incomplete Research
Now I'm in our networking section helping a lady pick out a router. Another customer approaches and waits patiently for me to finish. (Short explanation of technical terms for those unfamiliar with them: RJ-11 = Phone Cord, RJ-45 = Ethernet Cord) When I send the router woman on her way to the register...
Me: And what can I help you with, sir?
SC: I need an RJ-11 to RJ-45 adapter.
Me: ... RJ-11 to RJ-45? You need a phone to Ethernet adapter?
SC: Yes.
Me: (Having had similar conversations before about other cable types, I've come up with a pretty good way to deal with them. It didn't work with this guy, though.) I'm not sure if I have that. What are you trying to connect?
SC: No, I think you do have it. I need an RJ-11 to RJ-45 adapter.
Me: Just to make sure I understand, what are you trying to connect, sir?
SC: *BIG SIGH!* (condescendingly) I just signed up for DSL service. That's high-speed internet that comes through the phone line. I need to connect my computer to a DSL box called a "modem" that the phone company sent me.
Me: And just an Ethernet cable won't work for that?
SC: Of course not! Why do you think I'm here? I need an RJ-11 to RJ-45 adapter because my computer doesn't have Ethernet!
Me: Ah, I see.
SC: I called the phone company, but they're a bunch of idiots. I have a modem in my computer, but apparently I have to use their modem. But that Ethernet thing's too fat to fit in my modem, so I need an adapter to make it fit.
Me: It won't work that way, sir. You need to have either an Ethernet or a USB connection between your computer and the DSL modem. If you don't have an Ethernet port, you can get one. (I pick up a PCI network card. It's $20 and easy to install for anyone who's ever played with LEGOs.)
SC: No, not that. Like this! (He shows me a phone cord coupler--a little piece of plastic that connects two phone cords to each other to make them longer.) Only with RJ-45 on one side.
Me: I don't think that exists, sir.
SC: Yes it does! And I'm going to find it!
I commend the guy for doing his research. He knew what his problem was, and he knew the terms for the hardware associated with his problem, and he even came up with an idea for a solution. However, he never bothered to find out if his solution would work; he just assumed it would and demanded that I facilitate it. I actually saw him back the next day buying that PCI network card from my co-worker, so I guess he redeemed himself a bit there.
It's a Magical Printer Fairyland!
I spent about 20 minutes showing printers to an older gentleman. He was not exactly friendly, but he was polite. He wanted a new printer primarily for making black-and-white copies and printing off an occasional letter. I showed him some of our three-in-one models and settled on two that I thought would be best. I won't call him an SC because he wasn't sucky. I will call him PC for Printer Customer instead.
Me: In your situation, I think I would suggest either this Canon inkjet at $110 or this HP laserjet at $340.
PC: Hmmm... Do you know how many prints I'd get out of the cartridges?
Me: I can give you a pretty good estimate.
PC: And how much they cost?
Me: Sure. With the Canon, the black cartridge will run you about $22 and should run about 300-400 pages of text, but it's an inkjet so it is possible that the ink would dry out if you let it sit for long enough. With the HP, the toner cartridges are more expensive at $65 each, but HP expects approximately 2500 pages of text per toner, and because it's a powdered ink, it will never dry out.
PC: Hmmm...
Me: With the Canon, your costs are lower up front. With the HP, you'll get more prints for your dollar in the long run.
PC: Y'know, I think I'll just keep looking elsewhere. I don't see anything I really like here.
Me: Well, keep an eye on our weekly ads, then. These printers do go on sale from time to time.
PC: It's not that. See, the only reason I'm in here is that my current HP printer died. It was a great printer, too. I paid about $80 for it back in 2002. I could buy ink for it at $7 for a brand new cartridge, and they'd give me about 1000 pages each. So I'm going to keep looking for another printer like that. Or maybe even a better one. Thanks for your time!
And he left. I just want to know where this guy managed to get such a printer! I want to pay $7 for 1000 pages! And here I thought I was doing pretty good at $19 for about 400 or so.
Keep dreaming, customers! If your dreams don't come true, at least they'll keep me entertained.
These come from last week. I was trying to come up with a small collection of them before beginning this thread, but I couldn't get as many as I wanted.
Wii Destroy Lives
Customer approaches me as I'm passing through the video games section.
SC: Excuse me.
Me: Yes, sir. What can I do for you?
SC: How long is the waiting list for a Wii?
Me: We don't have a waiting list. It's first come, first served.
SC: Oh. Do you have any then?
Me: No, sorry. We've been getting some about every two or three weeks, though. They usually show up Wednesday evenings or Sunday mornings.
SC: I can't come those days! I work for a living! Tell you what: you go start a waiting list and put my name at the top. It's "Sucky Customer."
Me: Sorry, Mr. Customer, I'm not able to do that. We've thought of doing waiting lists, but with the erratic stock of the item, the extremely high demand for it, the number of other stores in the area that also carry it, and the currently low staffing budget here, it's just not feasible.
Me: Well, I can see you're planning to ruin yet another Christmas in the Customer household! I'll be back on Black Friday, and you'd better have a Wii for me!
So, if I understand this guy correctly, he's been trying to get a Wii since they released back in '06. His family's been wanting one for Christmas since then, and he hasn't been able to get one. He refuses to actually try to get one when they're available and would rather make demands of retail peons. And he expects to show up on Black Friday to find me waiting patiently for him, a Wii in my arms? We're lucky to have even the unpopular video games in stock at the end of Black Friday, let alone any kind of console!
And thank you, Mr. Customer, for insinuating that I don't work for a living. I don't know whether you mean that I don't work or that I don't live, but you've insulted me either way, and you can be sure I will do my best to ruin yet another Christmas in your household by selling every Wii we get to your neighbors and not to you.
Incomplete Research
Now I'm in our networking section helping a lady pick out a router. Another customer approaches and waits patiently for me to finish. (Short explanation of technical terms for those unfamiliar with them: RJ-11 = Phone Cord, RJ-45 = Ethernet Cord) When I send the router woman on her way to the register...
Me: And what can I help you with, sir?
SC: I need an RJ-11 to RJ-45 adapter.
Me: ... RJ-11 to RJ-45? You need a phone to Ethernet adapter?
SC: Yes.
Me: (Having had similar conversations before about other cable types, I've come up with a pretty good way to deal with them. It didn't work with this guy, though.) I'm not sure if I have that. What are you trying to connect?
SC: No, I think you do have it. I need an RJ-11 to RJ-45 adapter.
Me: Just to make sure I understand, what are you trying to connect, sir?
SC: *BIG SIGH!* (condescendingly) I just signed up for DSL service. That's high-speed internet that comes through the phone line. I need to connect my computer to a DSL box called a "modem" that the phone company sent me.
Me: And just an Ethernet cable won't work for that?
SC: Of course not! Why do you think I'm here? I need an RJ-11 to RJ-45 adapter because my computer doesn't have Ethernet!
Me: Ah, I see.
SC: I called the phone company, but they're a bunch of idiots. I have a modem in my computer, but apparently I have to use their modem. But that Ethernet thing's too fat to fit in my modem, so I need an adapter to make it fit.
Me: It won't work that way, sir. You need to have either an Ethernet or a USB connection between your computer and the DSL modem. If you don't have an Ethernet port, you can get one. (I pick up a PCI network card. It's $20 and easy to install for anyone who's ever played with LEGOs.)
SC: No, not that. Like this! (He shows me a phone cord coupler--a little piece of plastic that connects two phone cords to each other to make them longer.) Only with RJ-45 on one side.
Me: I don't think that exists, sir.
SC: Yes it does! And I'm going to find it!
I commend the guy for doing his research. He knew what his problem was, and he knew the terms for the hardware associated with his problem, and he even came up with an idea for a solution. However, he never bothered to find out if his solution would work; he just assumed it would and demanded that I facilitate it. I actually saw him back the next day buying that PCI network card from my co-worker, so I guess he redeemed himself a bit there.
It's a Magical Printer Fairyland!
I spent about 20 minutes showing printers to an older gentleman. He was not exactly friendly, but he was polite. He wanted a new printer primarily for making black-and-white copies and printing off an occasional letter. I showed him some of our three-in-one models and settled on two that I thought would be best. I won't call him an SC because he wasn't sucky. I will call him PC for Printer Customer instead.
Me: In your situation, I think I would suggest either this Canon inkjet at $110 or this HP laserjet at $340.
PC: Hmmm... Do you know how many prints I'd get out of the cartridges?
Me: I can give you a pretty good estimate.
PC: And how much they cost?
Me: Sure. With the Canon, the black cartridge will run you about $22 and should run about 300-400 pages of text, but it's an inkjet so it is possible that the ink would dry out if you let it sit for long enough. With the HP, the toner cartridges are more expensive at $65 each, but HP expects approximately 2500 pages of text per toner, and because it's a powdered ink, it will never dry out.
PC: Hmmm...
Me: With the Canon, your costs are lower up front. With the HP, you'll get more prints for your dollar in the long run.
PC: Y'know, I think I'll just keep looking elsewhere. I don't see anything I really like here.
Me: Well, keep an eye on our weekly ads, then. These printers do go on sale from time to time.
PC: It's not that. See, the only reason I'm in here is that my current HP printer died. It was a great printer, too. I paid about $80 for it back in 2002. I could buy ink for it at $7 for a brand new cartridge, and they'd give me about 1000 pages each. So I'm going to keep looking for another printer like that. Or maybe even a better one. Thanks for your time!
And he left. I just want to know where this guy managed to get such a printer! I want to pay $7 for 1000 pages! And here I thought I was doing pretty good at $19 for about 400 or so.
Keep dreaming, customers! If your dreams don't come true, at least they'll keep me entertained.
did you get the model number from him, if such a machine did exist I want one 
I accepted that though hehe...
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