There are a few things at work that I just hate to hear. Mostly because it’s the same moronic dribble I hear from customers all day long. Some people thing they’re being clever, that I haven’t yet heard their completely original attempts at being funny, and others just don’t think before they speak. But enough chatter, let me give you some prime examples…
Are you kidding?
Me: ok that reservation to fly from Anchorage Alaska to Miami Florida during Spring Break will cost $1,000.00.
SC: Are you kidding?!?!
Sigh…no I am not kidding. As much as I love to kid around just like everyone else I can assure you that when I quote a fare it is indeed the truth. I am not pulling some random number out of thin air hoping that it will piss you off just enough that you ask me if I’m kidding then I can say, “Haha! Yeah I’m just kidding, it’s actually free because you caught me!”
Now I won’t pretend to be completely oblivious to the fact that plane ticket prices have sky rocketed so I know they’re getting harder and harder to actually afford, but I promise I am NOT kidding when I quote a fare.
I’ll use yours!
Me: and what kind of credit card will you be using today?
SC: Well I’ll just use yours! Hyuck Hyuck!
How very clever sir, I haven’t heard that one yet today.
I’m not listening…lalala….I’m not listening
Me: and if I could have the passengers LAST name please.
SC: Julie
Me: ok, and if I could have their first name.
SC: Oh, that was their first name.
Or…
Me: and if I could have the passenger’s LAST name please.
SC: Julie Escalante.
Me: ok, and their first name?
SC: wait, didn’t I already give that to you?
If I ask a question please, please, PLEASE, for the love of all that’s Holy just give me the damn answer! Why is it so hard to listen for one second and tell me what I asked for? If I ask where you’re flying from don’t tell me what date you’re traveling, if I ask for your phone number don’t give me your mileage plan account, and for crying out loud if I ask for your first name give me your FIRST NAME!
But I already paid
Me: Ok to make this change it will be a $100.00 change fee and $25.00 difference in fare.
SC: But I already paid to change my reservation once.
Me: Yes I see you changed your reservation 2 months ago, but you are changing it again. If you change again you have to pay again.
SC: But I already paid once!
This is kind of along the lines of the kidding about the fare thing. Again I know it costs a lot to change reservations, I don’t pretend I don’t see that. But just because gas prices cost a lot can I go to the gas station and say, “But I paid last week I don’t have to pay again!” NO! I cannot. Because much like booking a ticket when I purchase gas I agree to everything that comes with purchasing gas such as PAYING FOR IT!
I can’t read your mind
Me: (opening line) Thank you for calling Airline this is Sapphire how can I help you.
SC: Yes I have a reservation.
Me: …
SC: …
Believe it or not I cannot read minds, and for that I am eternally grateful. Calling me and stating the simple fact that you have a reservation will reward you with only my silence until you realize that what you have said does not warrant a response. Sure I could say, “Well done!” or “Bravo!” which might be what you’re looking for, but until you give me more to go off of I shall remain silent. Of course this always ends with the ever-popular SC response, “Are you still there?”
Well those are my examples. I hope you enjoy them! Thanks for reading.
Are you kidding?

Me: ok that reservation to fly from Anchorage Alaska to Miami Florida during Spring Break will cost $1,000.00.
SC: Are you kidding?!?!
Sigh…no I am not kidding. As much as I love to kid around just like everyone else I can assure you that when I quote a fare it is indeed the truth. I am not pulling some random number out of thin air hoping that it will piss you off just enough that you ask me if I’m kidding then I can say, “Haha! Yeah I’m just kidding, it’s actually free because you caught me!”
Now I won’t pretend to be completely oblivious to the fact that plane ticket prices have sky rocketed so I know they’re getting harder and harder to actually afford, but I promise I am NOT kidding when I quote a fare.
I’ll use yours!

Me: and what kind of credit card will you be using today?
SC: Well I’ll just use yours! Hyuck Hyuck!
How very clever sir, I haven’t heard that one yet today.
I’m not listening…lalala….I’m not listening

Me: and if I could have the passengers LAST name please.
SC: Julie
Me: ok, and if I could have their first name.
SC: Oh, that was their first name.
Or…
Me: and if I could have the passenger’s LAST name please.
SC: Julie Escalante.
Me: ok, and their first name?
SC: wait, didn’t I already give that to you?
If I ask a question please, please, PLEASE, for the love of all that’s Holy just give me the damn answer! Why is it so hard to listen for one second and tell me what I asked for? If I ask where you’re flying from don’t tell me what date you’re traveling, if I ask for your phone number don’t give me your mileage plan account, and for crying out loud if I ask for your first name give me your FIRST NAME!
But I already paid

Me: Ok to make this change it will be a $100.00 change fee and $25.00 difference in fare.
SC: But I already paid to change my reservation once.
Me: Yes I see you changed your reservation 2 months ago, but you are changing it again. If you change again you have to pay again.
SC: But I already paid once!
This is kind of along the lines of the kidding about the fare thing. Again I know it costs a lot to change reservations, I don’t pretend I don’t see that. But just because gas prices cost a lot can I go to the gas station and say, “But I paid last week I don’t have to pay again!” NO! I cannot. Because much like booking a ticket when I purchase gas I agree to everything that comes with purchasing gas such as PAYING FOR IT!
I can’t read your mind
Me: (opening line) Thank you for calling Airline this is Sapphire how can I help you.
SC: Yes I have a reservation.
Me: …
SC: …
Believe it or not I cannot read minds, and for that I am eternally grateful. Calling me and stating the simple fact that you have a reservation will reward you with only my silence until you realize that what you have said does not warrant a response. Sure I could say, “Well done!” or “Bravo!” which might be what you’re looking for, but until you give me more to go off of I shall remain silent. Of course this always ends with the ever-popular SC response, “Are you still there?”
Well those are my examples. I hope you enjoy them! Thanks for reading.

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