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So I just had a woman come in that was eight sucky customers all in one. She didn't just do one annoying thing, she went for a record. I just had to share.
10:10-- Customer walks in with air cast on foot (this will be important later) and asks about a case for her phone. No problems so far. I show the customer the leather case and the plastic holster made specifically for her phone.
10:12-- Now annoying customer maneuvre number one (or ACM#1) rears its ugly head. Customer insists on removing each case from its packaging and physically putting each case on her phone, to "make sure they fit."
10:15-- Customer decides that the holster isn't as "protecting" as she would like. I could be petty and call the misuse of the word protecting ACM#2, but I'll move on to what is perhaps my least favorite ACM of all. ACM#2:Customer decides to relate to me that the reason she wants the case is that she is leaving for Branson, Missouri (a.k.a. Hillbilly Vegas and boy howdy will she fit right in), and needs something that will keep the phone strapped firmly to her purse strap. She then goes into extreme detail about why she is going to Branson (to see that Russian violin player), who she is going with (her daughter-in-law and grand-baby), and why she doesn't like our cellular carrier (no coverage in the Ozarks).
10:32-- ACM#3: Customer wanders over to the clearance rack and starts to randomly pick up cases priced significantly lower than the case she needs, and asking if they will fit on her phone. Upon being told, "Sorry, that case fits a discontinued phone, which is why they are being clearanced out," about seven times, she makes a *huff* noise and says, ACM#4: " The cheap ones won't fit my phone. How ironic."
10:34-- ACM#5: Customer takes down all the cases that look like they might conceivably fit on her phone, removes them all from the packaging, and tries unsuccessfully to put them on her phone. There was then a brief reprise on the "irony" of the situation.
10:40-- ACM#6: Customer sits on a stool, regarding the leather case that fits her phone balefully. She then looks up at me and says, "And I won't be able to find it anywhere else cheaper, will I?" At this point I'm thinking, "Now how the **** should I know?! Buy it, don't buy it, get the **** out of here you awful annoying woman!" ACM#7: Customer stares at the case silently, and when I ask if she wants to go with that case, says, "I'm thinking." Customer then continues to sit silently, until...
10:45-- Customer finally guts it out and purchases the case. I ring her up, take her money, and as we wait for the receipt to print she launches into ACM#8: Customer brings up past service issue resolved in another store. "I was in the hospital, getting surgery on my foot, and my phone just quit working. I was so mad. I went to the other store, the store where I bought the phone, and they said they wouldn't give me another one because I'd had it for over fourteen days! But I was in the hospital! I don't think that's fair! Do you think that's fair? I was mad! Then they fixed the phone, and now it works real good, but I still don't think it was fair what they did, because it wasn't my fault, I was in the hospital, and they should've given me another phone..." This goes on until...
10:55--Customer finally leaves, honest to gosh continuing her diatribe about the other store and how unfair it was that they discriminate against people who are in the hospital.
So. That is the sad story of the stupidest woman on earth, and how it took me 42 minutes to sell her a freaking case for her phone. Now I will sit here and decide whether to laugh or cry. And look for my salmon. Aah, there you are, dear salmon.
Note: My co-worker has just informed me that there is a new layer of stupidity at work here. Apparently, the Russian guy in Branson is a comedian-Yakov Smirnoff, and the violinist is Japanese- Shoji Tabuchi.
10:10-- Customer walks in with air cast on foot (this will be important later) and asks about a case for her phone. No problems so far. I show the customer the leather case and the plastic holster made specifically for her phone.
10:12-- Now annoying customer maneuvre number one (or ACM#1) rears its ugly head. Customer insists on removing each case from its packaging and physically putting each case on her phone, to "make sure they fit."
10:15-- Customer decides that the holster isn't as "protecting" as she would like. I could be petty and call the misuse of the word protecting ACM#2, but I'll move on to what is perhaps my least favorite ACM of all. ACM#2:Customer decides to relate to me that the reason she wants the case is that she is leaving for Branson, Missouri (a.k.a. Hillbilly Vegas and boy howdy will she fit right in), and needs something that will keep the phone strapped firmly to her purse strap. She then goes into extreme detail about why she is going to Branson (to see that Russian violin player), who she is going with (her daughter-in-law and grand-baby), and why she doesn't like our cellular carrier (no coverage in the Ozarks).
10:32-- ACM#3: Customer wanders over to the clearance rack and starts to randomly pick up cases priced significantly lower than the case she needs, and asking if they will fit on her phone. Upon being told, "Sorry, that case fits a discontinued phone, which is why they are being clearanced out," about seven times, she makes a *huff* noise and says, ACM#4: " The cheap ones won't fit my phone. How ironic."
10:34-- ACM#5: Customer takes down all the cases that look like they might conceivably fit on her phone, removes them all from the packaging, and tries unsuccessfully to put them on her phone. There was then a brief reprise on the "irony" of the situation.
10:40-- ACM#6: Customer sits on a stool, regarding the leather case that fits her phone balefully. She then looks up at me and says, "And I won't be able to find it anywhere else cheaper, will I?" At this point I'm thinking, "Now how the **** should I know?! Buy it, don't buy it, get the **** out of here you awful annoying woman!" ACM#7: Customer stares at the case silently, and when I ask if she wants to go with that case, says, "I'm thinking." Customer then continues to sit silently, until...
10:45-- Customer finally guts it out and purchases the case. I ring her up, take her money, and as we wait for the receipt to print she launches into ACM#8: Customer brings up past service issue resolved in another store. "I was in the hospital, getting surgery on my foot, and my phone just quit working. I was so mad. I went to the other store, the store where I bought the phone, and they said they wouldn't give me another one because I'd had it for over fourteen days! But I was in the hospital! I don't think that's fair! Do you think that's fair? I was mad! Then they fixed the phone, and now it works real good, but I still don't think it was fair what they did, because it wasn't my fault, I was in the hospital, and they should've given me another phone..." This goes on until...
10:55--Customer finally leaves, honest to gosh continuing her diatribe about the other store and how unfair it was that they discriminate against people who are in the hospital.
So. That is the sad story of the stupidest woman on earth, and how it took me 42 minutes to sell her a freaking case for her phone. Now I will sit here and decide whether to laugh or cry. And look for my salmon. Aah, there you are, dear salmon.
Note: My co-worker has just informed me that there is a new layer of stupidity at work here. Apparently, the Russian guy in Branson is a comedian-Yakov Smirnoff, and the violinist is Japanese- Shoji Tabuchi.
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