The Good, The Bad, And The OOOOGLY (Language and Long)

[SilverOrb]

So since working this new job, I've had a bit of a hodge- podge of stories, both from work and the bus. Rather than come up with a dozen threads, I'll just combine them in no particular order.

S- Always your beloved Silver, ha ha
L- Loser of the moment, different for each story
Please note, unspoken thoughts/ background appear in italics

You got what stuck WHERE?
S- Thank you for calling Blah Brother's Plumbing, how may I help you?
L- Yo, I got a problem with my *mumble mumble*
S- I'm sorry? Can you please repeat that?
L- Yeah my *mumble* is not working.
S- Your what sir?
L- My toilet. My toilet ain't working.
The companies we work for like to have as much info as possible
S- What is wrong with it sir? Is it plugged, leaking, is it now flushing?
L- I got my *penis* not the word he used stuck in the drain!
S- Sir, I have caller ID, and I am reporting you to the police.
L- *hasty click*

Here's an idea
So it's 9 at night and you really really need a lawyer to go to court with you in the morning? You reaaaaally reaaaaally need to talk to the attorney? Will we give you his home number?
No.
But-
No.
But it's reall-
No.
Sucks to be you. That number is unlisted for a reason.

Too bad I can't you through the phone
Now this drives me INSANE. One call I can handle, But I get several of these, almost word for word, a WEEK.
Now 24 hour service means that you will ALWAYS talk to the service. ALWAYS. You wanna talk to the owner? Leave a message with us, otherwise.... tough shit. 1 AM? Us. 1 PM? Us. Period.
S- Thank you for calling Joe's Pool Hall. How can I help you today?
L- Hello. May I please speak to the owner of the company?
They ALWAYS start off with this line
S- I'm sorry, they are not in at the moment, may I please take a message?
L- Oh, I'll try back.
S- Sir? Just a moment, Sir?
L- Yes?
S- We are actually a 24 hour service for Joe's. If you want to speak with Joe, you need to leave a message with me.
L- I'll just call back when the owner is in
S- Sir, we always answer the phones, he is never going to answer your call.
L- When will the owner be in?
S- He is never going to be in.
L- All right then, I'll try back later.
S- No, sir. He is never going to be in here. Never. We answer his phone 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. You are never never NEVER going to talk to him without leaving a message with me. You need to leave a message.
L- Oh... well I can't receive incoming calls. I'll call back.
*click*
Doofus

Bus dummies
So the bus is uber crouded? Barely a seat to sit? Make sure and take up more than one seat. Bonus points if you take up more that one space just with your body and then cop an attitude with me when I ask to sit down.

To the idiot downtown that keeps complimenting me and staring? You are creepy. Apparently you love my skirt, shawl, and laugh. Stop following me around. Seriously. You creep me out. And no I don't wanna know where you are headed. Even creepier, you are OBVIOUSLY 20 years older than me.

Wicked Awesome Bus Driver
Bus signs for my town all are pretty obvious, and say NO PARKING in huge letters. Not that people care
The bus pulls up a light, and the bus driver sees a delivery driver sitting in the stop. The driver then opens the door and proceeds to yell.
"Hey IDIOT! See the sign there? The big NO PARKING. BUS STOP. That means that you are parked not ONLY in a bus stop, BUT also in a no parking zone. I can't get into MY BUS STOP. Read the sign IDIOT!"
Man, that driver ROCKS.

Manners? WHAT?
So I get on the bus the other day, and yet again it's crowded. Eventually, every single seat is taken. This elderly gentleman gets on, and looks around for a seat. I'm about to get up so he could sit down, when a teenage boy, UNBIDDEN, UNASKED, stands up and gives the guy his seat. Wow. Some kids DO have manners these days!

One Liners
Oh. Is this the answering machine?
What do you MEAN the lawyer isn't in at 9 PM on a Saturday?

Ok, I'm tired of writing. I'll add part 2 later.

[DevilBoy]

Too bad I can't you through the phone
[I]Now this drives me INSANE. One call I can handle, But I get several of these, almost word for word, a WEEK.

I get the same thing where I work.
I work for a very small company, and my boss is the owner, president, CEO, founder, top of the line person. She isn't particularly sucky or a shitty boss, but due to other obligations, she just isn't around the office much. She is in and out, never really here for more than 10 - 20 minutes at a stretch.
She does keep in contact via emails and is very responsive to customer emails and messages.
Really, the only thing she does that we can't is process payments for orders and sign my paycheck. Outside of those two things, we can handle any other issue that would come up. 99.9% of the time, we can handle the issue and customers have absolutely no reason or pressing need to talk to her.

Yet , people call all the time and insist that they want to talk to her.

1. Person calls and asks for boss.
2. We'll explain that she isn't in and offer to assist.
3. They say they'll call back later.
4. We explain again that she isn't in, she is gone for the day. Again we offer to assist.
5. They ask for her voicemail.
6. We explain that there is no voicemail system here, and again ask if there is anything we can help them with.
7. They say they'll call back tomorrow.
8. We ask them yet again, if there is anything that we can help them with, so they don't have to wait unnecessarily for a response.
9. They refuse and say they will just call back tomorrow.
10. We advise them that she does have a Blackberry with her and we always direct people to email her if they have a concern that they feel she and only she can address. We explain that emailing her is the fastest, most reliable way to contact her and it is also her preferred method of contact. If a customer still feels that they must talk to her, we advise them to leave a callback number in the email they send to her, along with an explanation of the issue. She will then respond to them and if a call is needed, she will do so.
11. They just say that they will call back tomorrow.

Tomorrow comes.
Repeat steps 1-11 for about 2-3 days (2-3 weeks in some cases)... until the person finally breaks down and allows us to assist them... only to find out that they had a simple question that we not only could have answered on the phone... but was also answered in the "FAQ" section on our website.... the very same website that they procured the phone number to call us in the first place.

[Summerfly413]

S- He is never going to be in.
L- All right then, I'll try back later.

Quite the optimistic customer

[Yfandes]

Urk - we get the same calls for the captains and engineers of our research vessels. They work on the BOATS. There might be 10 hours a year where they are near the main phone and I can "pass you to them". I can take a message, I can give you the boats cell phone (but if they are out, they are probably out of range), you can email them. But the chances of any of them being in the building when you "try back later" are about nil.

[iradney]

*applauds the teenage boy* Go you! Your mom must be super proud

As for the others - especially the "I must talk to Joe ZOMG BBQ!" - has a serious case of canttakeahintalitus....

[persephone]

S- Sir, we always answer the phones, he is never going to answer your call.
L- When will the owner be in?
S- He is never going to be in.
L- All right then, I'll try back later.
S- No, sir. He is never going to be in here. Never. We answer his phone 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. You are never never NEVER going to talk to him without leaving a message with me. You need to leave a message.
L- Oh... well I can't receive incoming calls. I'll call back.

I used to get that all the time when working at a law firm. Nine times out of ten? It was some sales person or cold call telemarketer. Hence the "I can't take incoming calls". The guy probably doesn't want to talk to them anyway.

[SilverOrb]

Something I probably should add, especially since I'll post more stories tonight... Unless it is integral for the story, all business names and TYPES are made up and changed... Even the greetings I use are changed. Even if it is integral it is made anonymous... Only way I can get around my confidentiality thing, per my boss... LOL

And yes, I figure that these idiots are telemarketers.

Guess who the WORST offenders are? Let's just say that it's a nationwide phone company who's name is 3 letters long with a "&" thrown in. Idiots.