Your Existence Enrages Me

[CiggyStoreClerk]

SC: “You know like a STORE OR SOMETHING! REAL GREAT BUSINESS YOU GUYS ARE RUNNING! <click>”

….wha…bu….th…..holy flying waffle batter in a wind tunnel you are goddamn STUPID. Period. Seriously. I have no clever anecdote, metaphor or simile to describe it. You are just simply an utterly and fantastically idiotic human being and I am both surprised and awed you were even let out of your cage in the basement long enough to reach a phone and paw at it until you reached me. Do they need to fit you with some sort of special gloves to protect your knuckles from dragging on the ground? Do they at least give you a helmet with a mouth guard? Because by gods there’s not much up there, you’d better protect every last precious ounce of it from the daily impacts I’m pretty sure you inflict upon yourself while conducting even the most rudimentary activities.

Not saying anything bad about Americans, here. I love some of my neighbours to the south, but I started working in a Canadian call centre that deals exclusively with American clients. Good god.... Some of the things that come out of these peoples mouths seriously make me worry. I can feel my brain cells committing suicide as I'm listening to these people....

Makes me wanna cry

[depechemodefan]

My thought exactly...How is it people like that find someone and I, a perfectly nice, normal human begin, am still single?

How do you know his wife is normal? She might be the one in the family who goes to the corner store with her own hotdogs, put them in the hotdog wheely thingy to cook, and when it takes 2 turns decides that it's cook enough, she can't wait, and uses the stores condiments.

[Supermarket Slave Girl]

Voodoo Magic

SC: “The woman in 105 keep’s lighting incense and it keeps setting off the fire alarm. This is the 6th time the fire dept has been down here for it.”
Me: “Oh, ok-“
SC: “I’m allergic too it too. I live right next to her and it comes in under my door. She’s always setting them off in her little rituals. The fire dept has better things to do then to come down here at her pleasure with her smells.”
Me: “….”
SC: “She has two cats and this incense. There’s something off about here. She has two cats. She’s from Ethiopia so she’s not right in the head.”

I think my 2 year old son could help you with that one, his sister have taught him to say shut up, so just put him on the phone.

SC "Ramble, ramble, blah blah blah, she's from Ethiopia, not right in the head."
Him "Shut up, SHUT UP"

He'll say what you can't

[prb]

404 . Brain not found.

[Shironu-Akaineko]

I’m not kidding either. I can quite easily envision you losing an eye while trying to brush your teeth. So maybe you should look into some goggles or something too.

My Dad did that a couple of years ago.
The day after that? Nearly stabbed himself in the throat.

[SG15Z]

Random Encounter

Me: “Good evening, <company>”

Drunken Caller appears!

SC: “Yeah, can I get a cab?”

Drunken Caller attacks you with her Flawed Listening Skills!
You block the attack!

Me: “You have the wrong number.”

You hit Drunken Caller with your Blatantly Obvious for 64 damage! Drunken Caller was defeated!
You gained 43 experience!

SC: "…….”
Me: “….hello?”

Your target is already dead.

SC: “……”
Me: “Hellllo?”

Your target is already dead.

You search the corpse…..
You received Wallet!
You received Half Eaten Bag of Doritos!
You received Coupon for Chuck E Cheese!
You received 75 silver and 3 copper!
You use skinning knife….
You received 6 scraps of tattered leather!

OMG! That was fraking hilarious!! I was laughing so hard I started to tear up!

I know everyone's told you this already, but you really need to publish a book with all these stories one day. I would so buy it and hand them out to every stupid customer I encounter. They may not be able to read it but I'm sure some good Samaritan that has yet to lose his faith in humanity will read it for him. Maybe by the time they've realized that they've done nearly half the things the people you've encountered have done they'll realize just how stupid they are and I dunno maybe they'll go out and try to become unstupid or something. I dunno I think I'm being way to optimistic about it. More likely they'll write (or god forbid call!!) you and yell and scream because you insulted them.

Yeah never mind I won't had out the book, but I'll still read it for my own personal pleasures! Because people's unhappiness makes me happy.

[Becks]

So I will dutifully pass your concerns on to the office: “Tenant in 106 reports that tenant in 105 is an Ethiopia cat herder whose voodoo rituals are setting off fire alarm. Tenant in 106 is allergic to voodoo and would like the issue addressed.”. That sound about right?

Jobu's never around when he's needed anymore...

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

I can think of something to embroider on to that Pink Camo thing:

Gravekeeper's #1 FAN

[RootedPhoenix]

I can think of something to embroider on to that Pink Camo thing:

Gravekeeper's #1 FAN

That's fantastic.

And all through Gravekeeper's post I was laughing so much.

[Madhatter_67_85]

Jobu's never around when he's needed anymore...

Its because a live chicken is not being sacrificed.

[Gothmog]

How is it people like that find someone and I, a perfectly nice, normal human begin, am still single?

I believe it has something to do with :
1) your lack of will to settle for the first approximately human thing seeming to be of the appropriate gender
2) excessive expectations in a mate - literacy, personal hygiene, sentience, absence of pink camo clothing...

[Becks]

Its because a live chicken is not being sacrificed.

But PLENTY of KFC.

[Slytovhand]

GK... I had one closing in on your last tonight..

Doing a payment, get credit card number, and when getting to the expiry date, says she doesn't have the card in front of her, and is taking the number off the statement. (card was broken a couple of days ago..).

And, because I can't do a payment without the expiry date, guess who's fault it is... and who goes all ranty and ravey about how difficult everything is???

[Racket_Man]

My God I hit a stupid one last night....ugh ><



Spell. It.

Me: “Ok, and your name please?”
SC: “Farazel.”
Me: “Alright, how do you spell that?”
SC: "Farazel."
Me: “….....yes, but how do you spell it?”

Unless they added a whimsically named 27th letter to the alphabet recently you’re going to have to give it up and demonstrate basic literacy to my satisfaction.

RAaagghhHhh~!

to quoteth George Carlin in an "In the News routine:

sciencetists have discovered a new number today. the number is Bleen. and it belongs between 6 and 7

[protege]

Its because a live chicken is not being sacrificed.

Well, one was sacrificed to the Prince of Darkness (aka Lucas) earlier...