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VL
I have emerged from the much and goo of forever ago when VL had been vanquished by common sense. The previous adventure was an arguement where VL decided that napkins cost money, and would not believe they were free.
The following occured over the phone:
VL: I want some coupons, those coupons where you get free stuff.
Me: The only ones we have now are our booklets, and they have the only free stuff coupons available.
VL: Well I want those. Put those on my box.
Me: Okay, that will add $20 to your order.
VL: WHAAT?!?
Me: That's right. They cost $20, but you get around $230 of free food, plus, bonus coupons with free items that guarantee you double your money if nothing esle is used.
VL: ..wha. I want free coupons, they never made me pay before!
On and on and on, I got her to understand that we had no free coupons.
Me: Okay, so do you want the booklet or not?
VL: NO, its too much. TOO MUCH! (you could hear her arms smack the table as she dropped them in outrage)
Me: Okay, your order is $16.38.
VL: Can I have some coupons with those? The box toppers?
Me: ..we have no BOX TOPPERS, we have BOOKLETS.
VL: No box toppers.
Me: No.
VL:...
Me: ..........................................anything else I can get for you?
VL: No, I'm doing okay. How are you?
Me: I'm.. fantastic. Your total is $16.38.
VL: Okay, I'll look for my coupons thank you bye bye.
Not my name:
I don't have a usual name, nor a name that is hard to pronounce. Let's pretend you know it, but be assured, none of the following is it. (C for customer)
Me: Thank you for calling (pizza place), this is Unholy Pet, how may I help you?
C: Hello Jason!
Wha.. I'm female, and that's nowhere near correct.
Me: Thank you for calling (pizza place), this is Unholy Pet, how may I help you?
C:Hey Stasia..
So I begin to think I say it too fast, and move at a slow pace.
Me: Thank you for calling (pizza place), this is Unholy Pet, how may I help you?
C:Hey (name), I'd like to order..
Me: (Oh god.. someone got my name right!)Okay, and okay.. you ordered a large pepperoni and extra cheese pizza, an order of breadsticks with garlic butter, and a 2ltr of Coke?
C: Yeah, that's right Susan.
Me: =_= Okay, your total is BLAH. Have a nice day!
C: You, too, Ariel!
Me: Thank you for calling (pizza place), this is Unholy Pet, how may I help you?
C: I want etc.etc.etc...
Me: Okay, is that for a pick-up or delivery?
C: Dine-in, Steve.
WTF?! So now, I speak very slowly in the beginning, and continue a calm but assertive tone.
Me: Thank you for calling (pizza place), this is Unholy Pet, how may I help you?
C: Hey its Mike from the local furniture store.
Me: (Ahh, a customer I've talked to for years) What can I get for you?
C: And yeah, how much is it?
Me: $10.50!
C: Thanks, Shawn!
This all in one day... it kept on for another hour until I got an angry one:
Me: Thank you for calling (pizza place), this is Unholy Pet, how may I help you?
C: WELL Sta-CY, I don't want burned food today.
Me: I'm sorry? (You crazy bitch. You call here every week and order the same thing, the same way. We never burn it, and you are really pushing the management's limit, too. AND MY NAME IS NOT $*%*ING STACY)
C: I want a CI-NA-MON BR-EA-D-STI-CCCKKK, OKAY? Cinnamon breadstick.
Me: A cinnabread order?
C: CI-NA-MON BR-EA-D-STI-CCCKKK
Thank you, I am far from 5.
Me: And would you like extra icing on, or on the side to dip?
C: NO, Suzanne, I want the icing ON the CI-NA-MON BR-EA-D-STI-CCCKKK, ON IT.
Me: ...all right, and anything else for you, ma'am?
C: I don't want it burned! You burn it every week!
Me: I'll make certain that doesn't happen.
So after a while, she comes in. This week, we decided lightly toasting (a.k.a. cooking to non-raw limits) was best. Each week, we've cooked it less and less, a tiny bit each time, in hopes we meet her majesty's view of unburned confectionary treat.
She comes in, taps her fingers on the counter, throws her credit card at me (which pisses me off), and demands I stand there while she inspects it.
C: Well.. you finally got it right, Lashay.
Me: Excuse me?
C: You got it right, do I need to pronunciate that for you, too, Shiela?
Me: My name is UNHOLY PET, ma'am.
C: Okay.
Me: UNHOLYPET.
C: ....
Me: UN-HO-LEE *BREATH* PE-TTTTTT.
C: ... uh.
So, I stare her down as she walks out, looking over her shoulder at me the whole way. Manager D came over and patted me on the back, saying," That'll do, pig."
Screaming kids
So, it was an odd thing to see some kids walking around during the day, but they were probably tooyoung for kindergarten.
Kid: MOMMY!.... MOMMY!....MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM--
Mom: What is it dea-
Kid: MOM MOM MOM I WANT A SIMPSONS TOY FOR THE QUAAARTTTEEEERRRAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH
And from there we can only imagine the brains of the other customers bleeding from the glass-like noise, it was so very sharp. However, he soon got his quarter, and Mommy went back to her cellphone, ignoring the boy, as went to the pasta well.
Sadly, before management could get to him, he touched the 140 degree metal (how he climbed his way onto the counter, we will never know... its very well secured from kids), and burned his finger.
He looked around... we looked at him.. he looked at his mother, and:
Kid: FUUUCCCCKKKKK!!!!!
I have emerged from the much and goo of forever ago when VL had been vanquished by common sense. The previous adventure was an arguement where VL decided that napkins cost money, and would not believe they were free.
The following occured over the phone:
VL: I want some coupons, those coupons where you get free stuff.
Me: The only ones we have now are our booklets, and they have the only free stuff coupons available.
VL: Well I want those. Put those on my box.
Me: Okay, that will add $20 to your order.
VL: WHAAT?!?
Me: That's right. They cost $20, but you get around $230 of free food, plus, bonus coupons with free items that guarantee you double your money if nothing esle is used.
VL: ..wha. I want free coupons, they never made me pay before!
On and on and on, I got her to understand that we had no free coupons.
Me: Okay, so do you want the booklet or not?
VL: NO, its too much. TOO MUCH! (you could hear her arms smack the table as she dropped them in outrage)
Me: Okay, your order is $16.38.
VL: Can I have some coupons with those? The box toppers?
Me: ..we have no BOX TOPPERS, we have BOOKLETS.
VL: No box toppers.
Me: No.
VL:...
Me: ..........................................anything else I can get for you?
VL: No, I'm doing okay. How are you?
Me: I'm.. fantastic. Your total is $16.38.
VL: Okay, I'll look for my coupons thank you bye bye.
Not my name:
I don't have a usual name, nor a name that is hard to pronounce. Let's pretend you know it, but be assured, none of the following is it. (C for customer)
Me: Thank you for calling (pizza place), this is Unholy Pet, how may I help you?
C: Hello Jason!
Wha.. I'm female, and that's nowhere near correct.
Me: Thank you for calling (pizza place), this is Unholy Pet, how may I help you?
C:Hey Stasia..
So I begin to think I say it too fast, and move at a slow pace.
Me: Thank you for calling (pizza place), this is Unholy Pet, how may I help you?
C:Hey (name), I'd like to order..
Me: (Oh god.. someone got my name right!)Okay, and okay.. you ordered a large pepperoni and extra cheese pizza, an order of breadsticks with garlic butter, and a 2ltr of Coke?
C: Yeah, that's right Susan.
Me: =_= Okay, your total is BLAH. Have a nice day!
C: You, too, Ariel!
Me: Thank you for calling (pizza place), this is Unholy Pet, how may I help you?
C: I want etc.etc.etc...
Me: Okay, is that for a pick-up or delivery?
C: Dine-in, Steve.
WTF?! So now, I speak very slowly in the beginning, and continue a calm but assertive tone.
Me: Thank you for calling (pizza place), this is Unholy Pet, how may I help you?
C: Hey its Mike from the local furniture store.
Me: (Ahh, a customer I've talked to for years) What can I get for you?
C: And yeah, how much is it?
Me: $10.50!
C: Thanks, Shawn!
This all in one day... it kept on for another hour until I got an angry one:
Me: Thank you for calling (pizza place), this is Unholy Pet, how may I help you?
C: WELL Sta-CY, I don't want burned food today.
Me: I'm sorry? (You crazy bitch. You call here every week and order the same thing, the same way. We never burn it, and you are really pushing the management's limit, too. AND MY NAME IS NOT $*%*ING STACY)
C: I want a CI-NA-MON BR-EA-D-STI-CCCKKK, OKAY? Cinnamon breadstick.
Me: A cinnabread order?
C: CI-NA-MON BR-EA-D-STI-CCCKKK
Thank you, I am far from 5.
Me: And would you like extra icing on, or on the side to dip?
C: NO, Suzanne, I want the icing ON the CI-NA-MON BR-EA-D-STI-CCCKKK, ON IT.
Me: ...all right, and anything else for you, ma'am?
C: I don't want it burned! You burn it every week!
Me: I'll make certain that doesn't happen.
So after a while, she comes in. This week, we decided lightly toasting (a.k.a. cooking to non-raw limits) was best. Each week, we've cooked it less and less, a tiny bit each time, in hopes we meet her majesty's view of unburned confectionary treat.
She comes in, taps her fingers on the counter, throws her credit card at me (which pisses me off), and demands I stand there while she inspects it.
C: Well.. you finally got it right, Lashay.
Me: Excuse me?
C: You got it right, do I need to pronunciate that for you, too, Shiela?
Me: My name is UNHOLY PET, ma'am.
C: Okay.
Me: UNHOLYPET.
C: ....
Me: UN-HO-LEE *BREATH* PE-TTTTTT.
C: ... uh.
So, I stare her down as she walks out, looking over her shoulder at me the whole way. Manager D came over and patted me on the back, saying," That'll do, pig."
Screaming kids
So, it was an odd thing to see some kids walking around during the day, but they were probably tooyoung for kindergarten.
Kid: MOMMY!.... MOMMY!....MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM--
Mom: What is it dea-
Kid: MOM MOM MOM I WANT A SIMPSONS TOY FOR THE QUAAARTTTEEEERRRAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH
And from there we can only imagine the brains of the other customers bleeding from the glass-like noise, it was so very sharp. However, he soon got his quarter, and Mommy went back to her cellphone, ignoring the boy, as went to the pasta well.
Sadly, before management could get to him, he touched the 140 degree metal (how he climbed his way onto the counter, we will never know... its very well secured from kids), and burned his finger.
He looked around... we looked at him.. he looked at his mother, and:
Kid: FUUUCCCCKKKKK!!!!!
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