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Return of VL, That's not my name #5million, and Screaming kids.

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  • Return of VL, That's not my name #5million, and Screaming kids.

    VL

    I have emerged from the much and goo of forever ago when VL had been vanquished by common sense. The previous adventure was an arguement where VL decided that napkins cost money, and would not believe they were free.

    The following occured over the phone:

    VL: I want some coupons, those coupons where you get free stuff.
    Me: The only ones we have now are our booklets, and they have the only free stuff coupons available.
    VL: Well I want those. Put those on my box.
    Me: Okay, that will add $20 to your order.
    VL: WHAAT?!?
    Me: That's right. They cost $20, but you get around $230 of free food, plus, bonus coupons with free items that guarantee you double your money if nothing esle is used.
    VL: ..wha. I want free coupons, they never made me pay before!

    On and on and on, I got her to understand that we had no free coupons.

    Me: Okay, so do you want the booklet or not?
    VL: NO, its too much. TOO MUCH! (you could hear her arms smack the table as she dropped them in outrage)
    Me: Okay, your order is $16.38.
    VL: Can I have some coupons with those? The box toppers?
    Me: ..we have no BOX TOPPERS, we have BOOKLETS.
    VL: No box toppers.
    Me: No.
    VL:...
    Me: ..........................................anything else I can get for you?
    VL: No, I'm doing okay. How are you?
    Me: I'm.. fantastic. Your total is $16.38.
    VL: Okay, I'll look for my coupons thank you bye bye.

    Not my name:

    I don't have a usual name, nor a name that is hard to pronounce. Let's pretend you know it, but be assured, none of the following is it. (C for customer)

    Me: Thank you for calling (pizza place), this is Unholy Pet, how may I help you?
    C: Hello Jason!

    Wha.. I'm female, and that's nowhere near correct.

    Me: Thank you for calling (pizza place), this is Unholy Pet, how may I help you?
    C:Hey Stasia..

    So I begin to think I say it too fast, and move at a slow pace.

    Me: Thank you for calling (pizza place), this is Unholy Pet, how may I help you?
    C:Hey (name), I'd like to order..
    Me: (Oh god.. someone got my name right!)Okay, and okay.. you ordered a large pepperoni and extra cheese pizza, an order of breadsticks with garlic butter, and a 2ltr of Coke?
    C: Yeah, that's right Susan.
    Me: =_= Okay, your total is BLAH. Have a nice day!
    C: You, too, Ariel!

    Me: Thank you for calling (pizza place), this is Unholy Pet, how may I help you?
    C: I want etc.etc.etc...
    Me: Okay, is that for a pick-up or delivery?
    C: Dine-in, Steve.

    WTF?! So now, I speak very slowly in the beginning, and continue a calm but assertive tone.

    Me: Thank you for calling (pizza place), this is Unholy Pet, how may I help you?
    C: Hey its Mike from the local furniture store.
    Me: (Ahh, a customer I've talked to for years) What can I get for you?
    C: And yeah, how much is it?
    Me: $10.50!
    C: Thanks, Shawn!
    This all in one day... it kept on for another hour until I got an angry one:

    Me: Thank you for calling (pizza place), this is Unholy Pet, how may I help you?
    C: WELL Sta-CY, I don't want burned food today.
    Me: I'm sorry? (You crazy bitch. You call here every week and order the same thing, the same way. We never burn it, and you are really pushing the management's limit, too. AND MY NAME IS NOT $*%*ING STACY)
    C: I want a CI-NA-MON BR-EA-D-STI-CCCKKK, OKAY? Cinnamon breadstick.
    Me: A cinnabread order?
    C: CI-NA-MON BR-EA-D-STI-CCCKKK

    Thank you, I am far from 5.

    Me: And would you like extra icing on, or on the side to dip?
    C: NO, Suzanne, I want the icing ON the CI-NA-MON BR-EA-D-STI-CCCKKK, ON IT.
    Me: ...all right, and anything else for you, ma'am?
    C: I don't want it burned! You burn it every week!
    Me: I'll make certain that doesn't happen.

    So after a while, she comes in. This week, we decided lightly toasting (a.k.a. cooking to non-raw limits) was best. Each week, we've cooked it less and less, a tiny bit each time, in hopes we meet her majesty's view of unburned confectionary treat.

    She comes in, taps her fingers on the counter, throws her credit card at me (which pisses me off), and demands I stand there while she inspects it.

    C: Well.. you finally got it right, Lashay.
    Me: Excuse me?
    C: You got it right, do I need to pronunciate that for you, too, Shiela?
    Me: My name is UNHOLY PET, ma'am.
    C: Okay.
    Me: UNHOLYPET.
    C: ....
    Me: UN-HO-LEE *BREATH* PE-TTTTTT.
    C: ... uh.

    So, I stare her down as she walks out, looking over her shoulder at me the whole way. Manager D came over and patted me on the back, saying," That'll do, pig."


    Screaming kids

    So, it was an odd thing to see some kids walking around during the day, but they were probably tooyoung for kindergarten.

    Kid: MOMMY!.... MOMMY!....MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM--
    Mom: What is it dea-
    Kid: MOM MOM MOM I WANT A SIMPSONS TOY FOR THE QUAAARTTTEEEERRRAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

    And from there we can only imagine the brains of the other customers bleeding from the glass-like noise, it was so very sharp. However, he soon got his quarter, and Mommy went back to her cellphone, ignoring the boy, as went to the pasta well.

    Sadly, before management could get to him, he touched the 140 degree metal (how he climbed his way onto the counter, we will never know... its very well secured from kids), and burned his finger.

    He looked around... we looked at him.. he looked at his mother, and:
    Kid: FUUUCCCCKKKKK!!!!!

  • #2
    Dear lord... Do you need me to take you out back and put you out of your misery?
    "I'm working for popcorn - what I get paid doesn't rise to the level of peanuts." -Courtesy of Darkwish

    ...Beware the voice without a face...

    Comment


    • #3
      Quoth unholypet View Post
      C: I want a CI-NA-MON BR-EA-D-STI-CCCKKK, OKAY? Cinnamon breadstick.
      Me: A cinnabread order?
      C: CI-NA-MON BR-EA-D-STI-CCCKKK
      I would not be able to help myself but to deliberately play at being stupid with this "person". Kudos for you to handling it so well. I'm just glad you were able to get your revenge in the end

      Comment


      • #4
        Out of what misery? I'm always the one who tops in the end... be it free food from work, or a sweet realm of revenge =p

        Quoth Chanlin View Post
        I would not be able to help myself but to deliberately play at being stupid with this "person". Kudos for you to handling it so well. I'm just glad you were able to get your revenge in the end
        Thank you very much!

        Comment


        • #5
          Quoth unholypet View Post
          Me: A cinnabread order?
          C: CI-NA-MON BR-EA-D-STI-CCCKKK
          WEEEEEE DON'T HAAAVE CI-NNA-MON BR-EA-D-STI-CCCCKKKSSS! We have CI-NNA-BR-EA-D!
          "I call murder on that!"

          Comment


          • #6
            Magnum: TC, you fly the chopper around the island. I'll go talk to the beautiful women. And Tattoo here will keep an eye out for the kidnappers.

            Unholypet: Unholypet.

            Magnum: We'll need to have security unlock the gate for me out front. Okay, Tattoo?

            Unholypet: It's Unholypet.

            Magnum: What?

            Unholypet: The name is Unholypet.



            Magnum: What's your name?

            Unholypet: Tattoo!






            *ducks*
            "We guard the souls in heaven; we don't horse-trade them!" Samandrial in Supernatural

            RIP Plaidman.

            Comment


            • #7
              Ooohhh... you'd best be glad I can't toss this um.. Aveeno unscented lotion bottle through the computer! lol

              Comment


              • #8
                Quoth unholypet View Post
                He looked around... we looked at him.. he looked at his mother, and:
                Kid: FUUUCCCCKKKKK!!!!!


                I'm sorry, I just found the visual and aural of a 4-year-old saying The Word to be really funny.
                Last edited by Ree; 11-21-2008, 07:36 PM. Reason: Excessive quoting
                Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

                Comment


                • #9
                  Quoth unholypet View Post
                  VL
                  He looked around... we looked at him.. he looked at his mother, and:
                  Kid: FUUUCCCCKKKKK!!!!!
                  OH DEAR GOD!!!!!!!!! I nearly DIED I was laughing so hard! That must have been the funniest thing ever!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    OH yes, there was much laughter to be had. XD

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I'm now really curious as to what Unholypets name is and why it's so hard for people to get right.

                      I'm also cracking up at the 4 year old.
                      If I dropped everybody who occasionally said something stupid from my list of potential partners, I wouldn’t even be able to masturbate

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Why do i have "that's not my name" by the Ting tings stuck in my head now?
                        The report button - not just for decoration

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Quoth unholypet
                          So, I stare her down as she walks out, looking over her shoulder at me the whole way. Manager D came over and patted me on the back, saying," That'll do, pig."
                          For some reason that cracked me up. -.-

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I have a very common name too. Only when I worked for Dominos (I'm sorry, I could only make it for ONE DAY) I kept getting calls like that. Never was my name correct.

                            At least when I was a waitress, I could be mouthy and tell them my name ain't sugar but if you're nice I'll let you call me pookie. (Garfield's' teddy bear)
                            Ridiculous 2009 Predictions: Evil Queen will beat Martha Stewart to death with a muffin pan. All hail Evil Queen! (Some things don't need elaboration.....) -- Jester

                            Ridiculous 2010 Predictions: Evil Queen, after escaping prison for last years prediction, goes out and waffle irons Rachel Ray to death. -- SG15Z

                            Ridiculous 2011 Prediction: Evil Queen will beat Gordon Ramsay over the head with a cast-iron skillet. -- FireHeart

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Quoth Nyoibo View Post
                              I'm now really curious as to what Unholypets name is and why it's so hard for people to get right.
                              Same here

                              Is it similar to Stacy, but with a different ending? If so, I think my coworker shares names with ya.
                              Pit bull-

                              There is no breed of dog more in need of our compassion; in need of our call to arms on their behalf; and in need of what should be the full force of our enduring sanctuary.

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