A sad little shoplifting story

[AFpheonix]

So, I wander into the office after clocking out tonight, and notice a photo of a kid who looks like a lobotomized nerf-herder. I snicker, because those can only mean that someone got caught shoplifting. I asked the manager in the office at the time about it. Apparently this boy and his friend have been loitering in our store at all hours of the night the last few nights. This manager had confronted them at one point, because they'd been it at 3 am and came back at 7, and apparently they had lied to their parents about their whereabouts and had stayed at the gym located behind us all night long. He suspects they had stolen some candy, but he couldn't prove it.

The next night however, a different manager entered the restrooms after these boys had left, and found an empty condom box. He confronted them again after they got through the doors and asked to see a reciept for the candy they were eating. The boys couldn't and fessed up to stealing it and handed over the stolen condoms, too.

Standard OP, they were brought into the office to hang until they could get a parent in to take care of them after police were called and pic taken to put on the shoplifter wall of shame.

Now comes the sad part.
The manager called the mom first, and she stated that she didn't want anything to do with him. Apparently his grandfather is his gardian. So, the manager called his grandfather who wouldn't come down either.

How in the hell do people expect their kids to turn out all right if they can't be bothered to take responsibility for them when they screw up? How can they possibly expect him to give a damn about anything if they can't be bothered to give a damn about him? This kid was a product of his environment, and it saddens me. Here's to hoping that he can overcome all that negative conditioning and become a decent adult, but I fear that he's not going to.

[marcus]

I would imagine you know almost zero of their family dynamics. It's easy to make sweeping statements about how inadequate parents are etc etc etc

Yes, the root cause of bad kids behaviour is often traced back to this or that or whatever, but at what point do kids break away from parental influence? I tell you, EARLY.

To be truthful? If the shop called me 'cos my kid had shoplifted, I'd tell them to call the cops. Leaving the kids to stew in the copshop is a make or break junction and if the kids didn't straighten after that, cut the 'tards loose

[Mongo Skruddgemire]

Regardless of whether or not we know about the family dynamics, there still lies something called parental/Guardian responsibility. This child you brought into the world is their responsibility and they should deal with the problem as opposed to "I don't want anything to do with him".

Frankly I don't consider the comments of AFPheonix to be far from the mark. I know that there are parents who have a hard time reaching the children, but if they can't do it then they should find a way to get help.

Saying "I don't want anything to do with him" sends a message to the child that they have no worth in the eyes of the parental figures.

Besides, at the very least they let the child wander loose, the child shoplifted, as the legal guardian they are at the VERY least are responsible for the damages the kid caused from the simple stand point that they are the legal guardian.

M

[friendofjimmyk]

I have to agree that this is a sad situation. Yes, there was a broad, general statment made about these boys families, one thing is for sure, the legal guardian did not want to legally guard this child and that is sad and says a WHOLE lot for this family's dynamics...mom said "no way" and guardian said, "No way" - speaks volumes about them and the child.

[AFpheonix]

Marcus, I can tell you if it were my child, I would have not only come down to the store, but I would also insist that the police be called. I would NOT pass off the responsibility of my offspring onto other adults, no matter what. I would want to be involved in this, if nothing else than to figure out what I as a parent needed to do differently to keep anything like this from happening again.
Did I make a broad statement? Yes, yes I did. But I am also a believer in the fact that humans' behavior is rooted in the things that happen to the organism as they grow and gain experience, therefore making it possible to have a cause and effect link. Behavioural studies and psychiatry tell us this. I definitely think that this kid's behavior was definitely linked to the lack of supervision and care by his biological mom and grandfather.

[kibbles]

I would imagine you know almost zero of their family dynamics. It's easy to make sweeping statements about how inadequate parents are etc etc etc

I think it's pretty safe to make a sweeping judgement when the parents say I'm not bothering with them. It'd be a whole different story if the parent said call the cops, let them sit for a while and I'll pick them up, but that wasn't the case here at all. So I'd say the parents sound pretty inadequate.

How old were the boys in this case? And talking about just cutting kids loose, I think that's just giving up too quickly and not taking responsibility of your children. This is what seems to be the case in this story.

Kibbles

[Gypsy-Rose]

Truthfully, I don't know the full background of this child, so it is hard for me to pass judgement. I can tell you about a friend of mine though, she has a daughter that is nothing BUT trouble, the girl will eventually drive them to their grave.

She has good parents, she is better off then most kids her age. However, even the cops have now said the girl needs an ass-whipping, and I agree.

She has a history of lying, of stealing, of running away. Every time this girl does something, mom and dad are right there besides her.

Truthfully, even mom in this case is about had it and wished the State would just take her, and I KNOW that sounds horrible. However, there comes a time when parents have no choice but to let go. Don't give me this boys age thing either, for at 13 I was already just about on my own, and most 13 year olds today are smarter then one gives them credit for.

Because we don't know this childs full background, the replies by his mom and grand-father could have been said in complete frustration and dispair. As for seeking medical help for these kids...lol, good grief, good luck, my friend went this route also.

Sadly, the best she could do for her daughter is exactly what this parent did. Sometimes, kids need a harsher reality check, that next time mommy says I will not bail you out, she means it.

Though in this boys case, if the opposite is to be found, then mommy and grand-daddy need their butts whipped.

On a side note though....my ex's one brother was sent to a boys home when he was a teenager, my ex's parents though asked for him to be sent to a certain one, after they researched them. Today? Out of all 4 of the kids, he is the most mature, intelligent hardworking man, who has enough medals and of service then you can imagine.

[AFpheonix]

He looked about 13ish from the pic. Like I said, he wasn't out and about for 1 night only, this was over the course of several nights that his guardian had no clue where he was.

I don't know this kid, I didn't deal with him directly. But something is wrong when someone of this age is consistently out overnight, is stealing, (at the very least), and no one will take responsibility for him. Passing him off onto store management is not adequate.
The fact that his mom was not his primary guardian also throws up a big fat warning flag for me, too. Gypsy-Rose, your friend's mom was still there for her, even though she was having a lot of problems.
This boy's mom wasn't. Neither was his grandfather.

[karma_gypsy]

Saying "I don't want anything to do with him" sends a message to the child that they have no worth in the eyes of the parental figures.

I agree with that statement, you shouldn't deny your children even a ride home. Besides, they've been hanging around the store and the gym behind it for nights - so do they have anywhere to go?

Just like AFPhoenix said, you shouldn't leave the responsibility of your children up to another adult, the police is one thing (you know, to scare them a little), but to leave them with the clerks and managers of the store is something else. What happened to the kids after that?

How old were the boys in this case? And talking about just cutting kids loose, I think that's just giving up too quickly and not taking responsibility of your children. This is what seems to be the case in this story.

Age plays a role also, 16-17, even 15ish - the kids will already be set in their minds of what their gonna do and are (mostly) unimpressionable, no matter what you say or do. 10 year olds and around that age, you don't deny your kid.

My husband would never, ever say that to his 9 year old son if he was caught in that situation, I wouldn't either. He would definately be getting an earful when he got home though!!



And another thing, what the heck were they doing with condoms?

[FenigDurak]

Does anyone else find it odd that they were only stealing candy and condoms? I'm thinking here that the condoms were going to be used for a plethora of other types of amusement than what they were designed for.

What I'm getting at is that the fact they were going after the more juvenile targets, ie candy and 'toys' also speaks to their situation. I mean, if they were in truly dire straits wouldn't they be stealing items that could fetch a dollar or two? -=shrug=- Speculation.

[Ringtail Z28]

They were probably only stealing for the cheap thrill. It happens quite a bit from what I've seen.

[batmoody]

I have a sister who was a runaway. The only times my mom would even know she was still alive was when she would get that phone call. She did go and pick her up at least a dozen different times, and my sister would be off and running again the next day. It got to the point where my mom just couldn't do it anymore. It was an emotional rollercoaster for her, and like another poster said, she just had to let it go. When she got the phone calls, she would tell them that she wasn't coming to pick her up, that she was on her own. I'm sure to the person at the other end, my mother sounded heartless, but she had already been there done that too many times. My sister was 13. (pregnant by 14....)

It does sound sad, and maybe you think that parent was the worst parent in the world. But to a kid who has no empathy, no respect, they just keep expecting someones going to bail them out. They wont take responsibility, and they don't learn. Its hard to put yourself out there, thinking this is it. This time she's learned her lesson. She's coming back home. And all the while, she's telling you she will change, she wants to come home. Only to take off again within the week. The head games. Over and over and over. It was heartwrenching to see my mom go through that.
My sister is 26 now. My mother has custody of her 3 kids. She's still going through it.