I spent yesterday bitching, whining and moaning that I had to work today because usually the day after a major floral holiday is imbued with a special kind of suck, like people placing online orders at 3pm on holiday eve moments before florists cut off all ordering for the day yet outraged that the florist refused to take their order out, not understanding that their total lack of planning is not a (to use PFB exaggerations) 'tragedy', 'horrible experience' or a 'disaster' for anyone but in their own selves. (damn, longest run on sentence I've written for anything outside of a newspaper..) I just knew it would suck the worst ass possible, that the day would be filled with screaming people having hysterics. But it didn't, most people were not pissed, admitting sheepishly that they knew they were ordering impossibly late and accepting redelivery today with a discount. All except one brilliant Ozarkian coconut.
Let me preface my tale by stating I really don't hold it against anyone for being on public assistance. Things happen, life ain't perfect and there are reasons some folks can't work.
SWL: Sucky Welfare Lady
Me: Friendly Floral Consultant
Me - "Blah, blah, blah, opening spiel, state your name and your bidness.."
SWL - spoken with a thick hillbilly accent not inappropriate at a tractor pull, "Yeah, yous can gives me my mun-nee backs what for what you ain't delivered."
Me - "Do you have your order number?"
SWL - "Nope, throwed that away"
Me - "Your name at least?"
SWL - "Velma Jean Ledbetter"
Me - "Ah yes! Your order was canceled and billing has been instructed to drop the hold on your credit card on the twenty fourth. The bank has been told to drop the hold and your money should be freed up sometime today or tomorrow, depending on your banks policy and how they are working their holiday hours."
SWL - "Yew put that damn mun-nee backs on mah card right now! I needs to get some smokes"
Me - "Ma'am, your bank has been told that we are releasing the hold. It's now on their end to complete the release. There's nothing more I can do."
And as I'm looking at the notes and the history of this thing I see what I'm telling her is correct, hold released on our end on the credit card about 4pm on Christmas Eve, meaning it's going to drop off any moment now, either today or tomorrow. The bank has it.
SWL - "You gots to do bettah than that! I needs mah Newports and mah man needs beer mun-nee! What'n duh hell you takin' mah order in the fust place iffen you don deliver up the side of Crippled Crick Mountain up in the wash an' in the holllah? You ad in the phone book don say nuthin' bout you not goin' on dirt roads in hollah.. False advertisin'... now you gonna gibbe mah mun-nee back or iffen I gonna have to call up the A-Turn-Nee Gerneals office in Lil' Rock to get mah mun-nee back?"
Me - "Ma'am, your bank has been told that we are releasing the hold. It's now on their end to complete the release. There's nothing more I can do."
More indecipherable humanoid noises gobblty-gook...
Me - "Ma'am, your bank has been told that we are releasing the hold. It's now on their end to complete the release. There's nothing more I can do."
More begging, pleading and some threatening thrown in with more indecipherable humanoid noises gobblty-gook...
Me - "Ma'am, your bank has been told that we are releasing the hold. It's now on their end to complete the release. There's nothing more I can do."
Lather, rinse and repeat...
More indecipherable humanoid noises gobblty-gook...
Me - "Ma'am, your bank has been told that we are releasing the hold. It's now on their end to complete the release. There's nothing more I can do. If you call the bank and get their fax number I will see if I can get someone in accounting to fax over a release of funds letter so that they will drop the hold today for absolutely sure."
SWL - "It ain't even a credit card and I ain't got no bank."
Me - "Then what kind of card did you use to place your purchase?"
SWL - "It was mah Welfare check Visa Deb-Bitt cawd. You bettah give me that mun-nee rat nowh!!"
So she spent part of her taxpayer funded welfare check buying flowers? Smartttt...
Me - "Ma'am, I cannot help you any further. Have a nice day.' Click
Let me preface my tale by stating I really don't hold it against anyone for being on public assistance. Things happen, life ain't perfect and there are reasons some folks can't work.
SWL: Sucky Welfare Lady
Me: Friendly Floral Consultant
Me - "Blah, blah, blah, opening spiel, state your name and your bidness.."
SWL - spoken with a thick hillbilly accent not inappropriate at a tractor pull, "Yeah, yous can gives me my mun-nee backs what for what you ain't delivered."
Me - "Do you have your order number?"
SWL - "Nope, throwed that away"
Me - "Your name at least?"
SWL - "Velma Jean Ledbetter"
Me - "Ah yes! Your order was canceled and billing has been instructed to drop the hold on your credit card on the twenty fourth. The bank has been told to drop the hold and your money should be freed up sometime today or tomorrow, depending on your banks policy and how they are working their holiday hours."
SWL - "Yew put that damn mun-nee backs on mah card right now! I needs to get some smokes"
Me - "Ma'am, your bank has been told that we are releasing the hold. It's now on their end to complete the release. There's nothing more I can do."
And as I'm looking at the notes and the history of this thing I see what I'm telling her is correct, hold released on our end on the credit card about 4pm on Christmas Eve, meaning it's going to drop off any moment now, either today or tomorrow. The bank has it.
SWL - "You gots to do bettah than that! I needs mah Newports and mah man needs beer mun-nee! What'n duh hell you takin' mah order in the fust place iffen you don deliver up the side of Crippled Crick Mountain up in the wash an' in the holllah? You ad in the phone book don say nuthin' bout you not goin' on dirt roads in hollah.. False advertisin'... now you gonna gibbe mah mun-nee back or iffen I gonna have to call up the A-Turn-Nee Gerneals office in Lil' Rock to get mah mun-nee back?"
Me - "Ma'am, your bank has been told that we are releasing the hold. It's now on their end to complete the release. There's nothing more I can do."
More indecipherable humanoid noises gobblty-gook...
Me - "Ma'am, your bank has been told that we are releasing the hold. It's now on their end to complete the release. There's nothing more I can do."
More begging, pleading and some threatening thrown in with more indecipherable humanoid noises gobblty-gook...
Me - "Ma'am, your bank has been told that we are releasing the hold. It's now on their end to complete the release. There's nothing more I can do."
Lather, rinse and repeat...
More indecipherable humanoid noises gobblty-gook...
Me - "Ma'am, your bank has been told that we are releasing the hold. It's now on their end to complete the release. There's nothing more I can do. If you call the bank and get their fax number I will see if I can get someone in accounting to fax over a release of funds letter so that they will drop the hold today for absolutely sure."
SWL - "It ain't even a credit card and I ain't got no bank."
Me - "Then what kind of card did you use to place your purchase?"
SWL - "It was mah Welfare check Visa Deb-Bitt cawd. You bettah give me that mun-nee rat nowh!!"
So she spent part of her taxpayer funded welfare check buying flowers? Smartttt...
Me - "Ma'am, I cannot help you any further. Have a nice day.' Click
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