Call/SC of the Season Nominations

[NightWatch]

My favorite calls are usually around winter time, because weather tends to cause mass stupids. So here are my favorites from the past 2 years.

Winter 2007
Me:911, how can I help you?
DumbDumb: Hi yeah...um... there's like ice on my windshield?? Yes, he said this as he was genuinely astonished. So I gave the only response that I could think of.
Me: Yes sir, it's December... And this is Utah. For those of you who know nothing about my state, our winters are rather epic as far as the ice and snow stuffs
DD: Oh.. well, like, what do I, like do? Look, I know mommy and daddy's butler always took care of these things, but I thought this fell into the general knowledge category.
Me: (proceeds to explain to DD how one removes ice from said windshield, trying not to snicker)

On a side note: Why the f&*% are you calling 911 for that?! Do you think magical little winter demons snuck into your driveway/dooryard during the night, giggling maniacally and frosted your vehicle with ice? Cuz seriously, that's still not a criminal matter... Although I know some very nice people in white coats who can assist you with that.

Winter 2008
Note I did not take this call, I merely dispatched it.
Man called in to complain the snow plows came by and left a mound of snow in front of his driveway.
After giving this call to a Deputy. Said Deputy asks me over the radio, "You're joking with me. Right?!"
Me: "No sir"
The Deputy was only at this guy's house for about 2 minutes. Which he apparently explained to him the proper method for shovelling ones driveway after the plows have come by.

So tell me guys, give me your best SC/call of the season. I'm curious!

[corporateslave]

DumbDumb: Hi yeah...um... there's like ice on my windshield??

On a side note: Why the f&*% are you calling 911 for that?! .

Wow. Wasting someone's time ..but calling 911 and wasting time? Can't they be charged with something for that?

[NightWatch]

With something like that, probably not. I just talked him through the process and he was happy. Typically we only try to press charges on people who are making prank calls. Calls like "there's someone in my house!" or "i have a gun!", ya know, with that malicious intent. The malicious intent part is important.

[Tito]

Wow. Wasting someone's time ..but calling 911 and wasting time? Can't they be charged with something for that?

I was thinking the same thing! That's clearly mis-using the 911 system, which I thought you could be arrested for?

I wonder if he's any relation to that lady who we were making fun of on here a few years ago, who called 911 over not getting a hamburger the way she wanted it at Burger King?

[malmalthekiller]

I was wondering the same thing, aren't people fined for calling 911 for anything but an emergency?

[Polenicus]

I was wondering the same thing, aren't people fined for calling 911 for anything but an emergency?

This sort of thing is unfortunately a double-edged sword, so they have to be careful.

If there's no malicious intent, and the person is just being stupid, chances are they will be gently informed that this is not an emergency. Only if they repeat and become a nuisance will they be charged.

Why? It's simple. The LAST thing they want is people who are in an actual emergency hesitating to call 911 because they're afraid it doesn't 'qualify', and they'll get in trouble.

So, theyu're really only gonna nail you if they know for certain YOU know you shouldn't have called, such as a prank call, or a chronic offender.

... doesn't mean the cop they sent to your house to show you how to shovel your driveway isn't going to make fun of you, though.

[smileyeagle1021]

Oooh... SC of the season nominations

Winter 2008
There are several, they can share the award
Mr/Mrs WhatDoYouMeanDeltaWon'tPayForMyMovies... yup... at least once a night I've had people upset that Delta won't provide them with a free pay per view movie... double points for the people who are upset that Delta won't provide porn. Same goes for long distance calls... no Delta is not required to pay for you to call relatives to let them know where you are... that is your responsibility... either pay the 15 cents a minute that we charge, use your cell phone, or call collect. No, I won't pay for it either... I"m not paid enough.

Winter 2007
Mr/Mrs WhyAmIBeingForwardedToCentral
Well, simple... the hotel's are running on a skeleton crew on Christmas day... so guess what... they are forwarding a lot of overflow to central reservations... you know what... in this situation, you should be grateful you got someone who speaks English, much less is actually at the hotel. Oh and you're calling asking about rates in June... two things, first this is not something urgent that absolutely has to be taken care of on Christmas day, second, the person at the hotel would tell you the exact same information that I will.

Winter 2006
Mr. Sob Story
OK dude, I'm calling on behalf of Acura to check and see whether or not you were satisfied with your car repair and whether or not we needed to schedule a follow up appointment. This call should take 2 minutes... I'm expected to finish at least 12 of these an hour... including emailing the dealership to let them know your answer... please don't spend 45 minutes telling me about how your car got damaged in the first place and how you almost got killed in the process... a simple "yes, they fixed my car, it works great" or "no, it still has (insert problem here), I need you to schedule me a time to go in to finish the work" will do.

Winter 2005
I don't even have a name for this guy... other than asshole. You see that ambulance in back of the restaurant... he's there because our delivery driver slipped, fell, hit his head on a rock, is now unconscience with a concussion and is in critical condition (the paramedics had said had he not been treated in time he would have died). So no, I'm not concerned over the fact that you can't have your precious onion rings... they are on the truck still... you may have fries, crisscuts, or fried zuchinis... we still have some of each of that in stock still... oh no, you must have your onion rings... then sir, you need to take a right out of our parking lot, drive 5 miles down the road to the next Carls Jr and we will all pray to God that you hit a patch of black ice and get yourself killed on the way there.

[fireheart]

What about Mr. Mullet? I nominate him! *raises hand*

[calulu]

Winter 2006 sucky caller winner - Ms I'm-A-Big-Hollyweird-Producer-At-Disney-You-Moron!

She ordered her girlfriend one of our VDay packages online at 4:40 pm est blithely ignoring the blinking posted warning that due to the late nature of the order it could be delivered either VDay or the next day but it was NOT promised for actual Valentines Day. When she calls the next morning to complain it's not your garden variety angry caller stating forcefully, "I hate and despise you for ruining my special day." it's a whole new territory of "I'm important and you will do as I say RIGHT NOW!!!!!!" She claimed that the website said nothing about it being scheduled to be delivered either day and demanded we comp her entire order and deliver it to her sig-o in the locked nut hut at Cedars Sinai. Says we are the reason the girlfriend tried to kill herself the night before, because she was soooo disappointed not to get her roses and candies and teddy bears that she slashed her wrists. Well, ah gee, I'm sorry you're dating a psychopath but I'm not giving you your order for free today, you agreed to yesterday or today delivery. Then she started saying she would hunt me down and ruin my life like I was ruining hers before demanding 5K for pain and suffering and the fact that their first VDay together was RUINED for all time and eternity. Who did I think I was when she was big famous producer. I told her I'd offered her several options to resolve the problem and she refused to cooperate so there was nothing further I could or would do for her now that she was threatening me and I promptly hung up on the evil witch. She called back five more times and got me each time since I was highest in the queue. I kept hanging up on her.

Winter 2008 Sucky Caller Douchnozzle? - Well, I still have VD (Valentines Day) to get through before I crown a winner supreme but here are a few contenders to the crown.

Mr Last Fucking Second - Calls up mere minutes before Christmas Eve orders are to be cut off for the day wanting a delivery in the next half hour. Explain to him I can do a rush delivery within two hours but due to the lateness of his ordering I would have to have a higher ticket item and he would have to be okay with substitutions as well as agree to pay ten bucks rush delivery fee. He freaks out when I tell him how much, says he was only looking to spend twenty dollars total. I tell I cannot help him considering everything we got starts at forty before delivery. He grumbles, he bitches, he gripes, I point out he's ordering at the last possible second and well, you know, you have no room to complain about your own lack of planning. So eventually he stops moaning and orders a 40 dollar plant, I force him to okay substitutions on the plant depending on what stock the local florist has. We go ALLLLLLL the way through the order with me giving him running totals on things like shipping and taxes, etc, get his credit card info and then get to the last computer screen. I tell him the total and he flips out, yelling and screaming and carrying on again. I tell him he has no right to bitch about a high delivery fee because he is insisting on a delivery in the next few hours, it is what it is, he should have ordered last week when the fees were lower. So he tells me to cancel the order and that he's going to be watching his credit card statement and if there is any charges he doesn't remember he will be making sure I do jail time for stealing his credit card information. He starts trying to go off on me more in this vein and I just hang up on the asshole.

Reverend Piggly-Wiggly - Calls yesterday to ask why her money had not been refunded back onto her credit card from her canceled nondelivery on Christmas Eve. I explain that we don't actually charge anyone's card until we get word from the florist that the delivery has been made, it's just a hold and it drops off in a few days. She gets very nasty, insisting I flip a magical switch and make this happen RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!! I explain we already told her bank on Christmas Eve to release the hold and it's on their end now. She needs to call her bank. She then informs me she knows from her online reading that my company is a rip off so she's been recording all of her convos with customer service and she's forwarding the tapes to the Attorney General of her state and will be suing us for everything we have over her money not being returned immediately after the order was returned. I explain again the procedure and explain that I can have someone from the financial office here fax her bank a letter authorizing immediate release as most banks keep the hold on for a few days just to verify that we will not need to rerun the charge after all. She really erupts then, calling it a 'shell game' and saying that she knows for a fact that our company is making interest on her money on those few days the hold is on there and it's her money she should have it back immediately. When she starts taking God's name in vain I hang up on her.

I hung up on four people yesterday for twatwafflyness goodness. The day after Christmas wasn't bad, but yesterday brought out the hateful folks.

[Calud]

Winter 2005
I don't even have a name for this guy... other than asshole. You see that ambulance in back of the restaurant... he's there because our delivery driver slipped, fell, hit his head on a rock, is now unconscience with a concussion and is in critical condition (the paramedics had said had he not been treated in time he would have died). So no, I'm not concerned over the fact that you can't have your precious onion rings... they are on the truck still... you may have fries, crisscuts, or fried zuchinis... we still have some of each of that in stock still... oh no, you must have your onion rings... then sir, you need to take a right out of our parking lot, drive 5 miles down the road to the next Carls Jr and we will all pray to God that you hit a patch of black ice and get yourself killed on the way there.

I do understand the urgent need for ones food, but not even worrying the slightest about the life of a human being, is just sad. People like that should be flown to a country where water is fetched from a well some miles away.

[StanFlouride]

On a side note: Why the f&*% are you calling 911 for that?!

Tonight on the news I caught a little item about new laws for 2009 in California. I wasn't paying close attention so I can only guess that they were laws about something like "No texting, weaving tapestries, or having carnal knowledge with more than one other person while operating a motor vehicle" and the like but I did catch this one:
Starting on January 1st you can be fined $250.00 making a frivolous 911 call. That's $250 for each one!"
I doubt if they'll enforce it very rigorously or that they'll announce the possible penalty during the recording at the beginning of the call but we can dream, can't we?

[Geek King]

Probably the one that still gets talked about by my friends:

GK: Your Ever-Lovin' Geek King
BB: Brain Breaker, Foe of Logic.


GK: <picks up the phone> IT Help Desk, this is Geek King.

BB: Hi! My mouse pad is broken.

GK: <Sound of gears grinding to a halt in my head> Bwuh? Your mouse pad is broken? How did it break?

BB: Oh, the color doesn't match the rest of my computer.

GK: <very nearly> SpRoInG! I'm sorry, your query has broken the IT Help Desk Represenative. His mind is currently in the process or recovering from a fatal error. Please call back another time.

[friendofjimmyk]

So tell me guys, give me your best SC/call of the season. I'm curious!

Okay, this is not a well known fact, so I ALMOST can't blame the members...but it feels better if I do.

Not all tow trucks have four wheel drive. As a matter-of-fact, MOST don't have that feature. The policy for my company also states that if your vehicle is snowbound the MEMBER has to clear the snow BEFORE we can send our trucks. So, if you were parked on the streets and the plows came by and buried your precious little vehicle in the snow...it's actually not covered by our service to come and pull you out UNTIL you clear the large mounds of snow.

With this in mind, if your car is stuck in snow or on ice calling a tow truck will not help. I don't care if the area next to it is not covered in snow or ice. If you are stuck, chances are the truck will get stuck too. No amount of whining, bitching, moaning, or griping to the supervisor will make a contractor go out and risk getting stuck himself. I don't care how long you've had our service...none of it matters to me. I'm sorry that they didn't tell you that when you placed the call, they are call takers and not dispatchers, unfortunately, we are the only ones who are aware of what is going on in real time.

Oh, and another thing, IT'S SNOWING, it's snowing so much that highway patrol has stopped allowing service vehicles in certain areas. STAY HOME!