National Lampoon's trip to Heaven

[Voldine]

Hello forumites. Yes, I'm new here but believe me I am far from untarnished. Any idealism I had was whipped out LONG ago so I now feel free to share these pearls of suck from a nearly two-year stint at a Wal-Mart (Wally World) Supercenter Deli.

Note that these are just the best examples of the plethora I have, more will follow based on reaction.

#1 Now celebrating Mother's Day 13 times a year!

The deli I worked at had a special name for the first of the month: Mother's Day. This is because in CT, people that depend on the W.I.C. program get their vouchers at the beginning of the month. Invariably, the two most common orders on or around the first are: One pound of white (american) cheese. One pound of (badly mispronounced) 'domestic*' ham.

The problem arises in that in order for their food stamps to work at the register, the items have to be either exact weight or under at the register. How often do you think people decided to mention this to us when ordering? If you said 10% of the time, I applaud your optimism.

How often do you think cashiers had to stop ringing people and send CSM's to the deli to get a WIC-order item re-weighed? Something like 50 times a day, often with repeat offenders.

#2 I'm on my phone and ignoring you but don't you dare take someone else.

DS = Dipshit on cell phone
Me = Self-descriptive

DS: I want one pound of (random beef item)
Me: Alright sir, that'll be just a minute, we only have one slicer for beef because many beef products are a bit messy. Would you like anything else while I wait for that slicer to be available for use?
DS: Uhh, yeah. Half a pound of (something else).
Me: Okay.
*slices both second item and then the beef as customer takes 'super important' phone call*
Me: Will there be anything else today, sir?
DS: *chatting on phone, ignoring me completely*
Repeat three times.

Me: Number (next number after Now Serving #)
DS: I wasn't done yet!
Me: I'm sorry sir, I asked three times if you needed anything else. You ignored me while taking what I had already sliced. You're going to have to take another number and wait your turn.
DS: But I'm in a hurry!
Me: I'm sorry, I can't help you with that problem. Have a nice day Sir.


#3 There's other types of cheese?

NR = Northern Redneck
Me = As above

NR: I want one pound of cheese.
Me: What kind of cheese would you like ma'am?
NR: White cheese. (Me mentally: Not another moron!)
Me: Okay, will that be cheddar, swiss, havarti, lorraine, or american?
NR: Whaddaya mean with all them choices? I just want a pound of cheese!

Me: Well I could let you try a slice of each to see which one you like?
NR: Oh nevermind, Just gimme that Land O Lakes over there that you have.
Me: Will that be Land O Lakes baby swiss, american, naturally slender (lower fat) american, or pepperjack?


*For those of you that have never been involved in this situation on either side, when they ask for domestic ham as if it were an actual type of ham, they mean that rectangular shit that Hormel and other companies make that looks nothing like a real cut of ham does and tastes like rubbery salt dipped in ham-flavored-water. This despite the fact that domestic simply means 'not imported' and thus any ham that is not labeled an import would be considered acceptable.

[Wade]

Welcome aboard!

[depechemodefan]

oh, hee. I guess you don't see the use of telling them that they can't get a domestic that isn't that crap.

[Balgram]

Welcome, welcome! I love the Wal Mart deli, keep letting me know what it's like on the other side, though. Mebbe next time I stop by I'll give the attendant a hug.

[Voldine]

oh, hee. I guess you don't see the use of telling them that they can't get a domestic that isn't that crap.

More like I saw no point in asking people that were pronouncing it as 'dough-messy ham' if they wanted the crap kind, or something more edible.

Even worse were the people that would then ask for 'the messy ham' when they heard this.

Happily, I no longer work there but have many MANY stories I could share about true holes that tend to shop there.

[corporateslave]

Even worse were the people that would then ask for 'the messy ham' when they heard this.

Oh jeez..

Welcome aboard.

[Shpepper]

*For those of you that have never been involved in this situation on either side, when they ask for domestic ham as if it were an actual type of ham, they mean that rectangular shit that Hormel and other companies make that looks nothing like a real cut of ham does and tastes like rubbery salt dipped in ham-flavored-water. This despite the fact that domestic simply means 'not imported' and thus any ham that is not labeled an import would be considered acceptable.

Oh G#D The curse of cooked ham.. That's what it's called out here. I hated that stuff when I worked deli.

[mattm04]

When I was a bagger I can't even count the number of times I had to go back to the deli to get it at the 1lb mark. You would think they would realize this after the first time, but no.

[tollbaby]

Maybe it's just me.... but if you KNOW that the first is WIC day, then why aren't you just careful to weigh the cheese out to just below a pound to begin with? Just seems like common sense to do it right the first time rather than cause the customer more hassle than necessary. (and please don't say something like "they should ask" because that's tantamount to saying it's the principle of the thing).

[Voldine]

Maybe it's just me.... but if you KNOW that the first is WIC day, then why aren't you just careful to weigh the cheese out to just below a pound to begin with? Just seems like common sense to do it right the first time rather than cause the customer more hassle than necessary. (and please don't say something like "they should ask" because that's tantamount to saying it's the principle of the thing).

#1 We didn't always get the same people at the same time.
#2 The same server didn't always get the same WIC customer.
#3 There are other people in the store, not on WIC, ordering meat and cheese at the deli.
#4 We never assume that people who ask for a pound of anything need it to be exact without them stating such. If it is something like .05 over we usually say that it's a little over and ask if it's okay. (Note that .05 is 1/20th of a pound, a little less than an ounce. [1/16th]) If they then say that it has to be exact we simply wipe the overage in the system before printing out the price sticker.
#5 We did have a fair set of regulars that DID know and care about how the system worked and would specifically state at the beginning of their orders that the weights had to be exact. We would occasionally give these people that were likely having a hard enough time making ends meet up to a quarter of a pound FREE for being honest about needing it to 'weigh' only a pound and not a bit over.
#6 We were generally very nice people in the deli and thus took it with a grain of salt when we would get cashiers, baggers, or CSM's running back to the deli and going "This needs to be a pound or less. They said they told you that." If no other customers were around they would then expand with: "But we know that you listen and they're lying through their tooth."
#7 This was a Supercenter Deli on a main road right off a highway. A busy day could see us attempting to handle 300+ customers an hour in the entire deli between the hot fried food and cold sliced food sides. This is with an average of four slicers (one likely on a lunch), one hot food cooker, and one, maybe two people serving from the hot food and cold salads cases. Seven people. You try playing 'follow the known WIC-ed of the East Coast' when you're making barely $10 an hour to handle a ton of crap from self-important uptight CT snobs, and catching the few nice people that filter through a waiting line sometimes half an hour long at peak times, and THEN catching crap from management about people complaining about slow service because management refuses to hire more people that are willing to work the hours that you NEED more people.

[PepperElf]

One pound of white (american) cheese.

i hate american cheese, white or yellow. bleh.

[Catwoman2965]

i hate american cheese, white or yellow. bleh.

Oooh, and I thought I was the only one! I detest American cheese....I think because my mom never liked it, and growing up, when everyone and their mother bought Kraft singles, she bought real cheddar. It's funny; i like pretty much ANY kind of cheese, except American.

[tollbaby]

#1 We didn't always get the same people at the same time.
#2 The same server didn't always get the same WIC customer.
#3 There are other people in the store, not on WIC, ordering meat and cheese at the deli.
#4 We never assume that people who ask for a pound of anything need it to be exact without them stating such. If it is something like .05 over we usually say that it's a little over and ask if it's okay. (Note that .05 is 1/20th of a pound, a little less than an ounce. [1/16th]) If they then say that it has to be exact we simply wipe the overage in the system before printing out the price sticker.
#5 We did have a fair set of regulars that DID know and care about how the system worked and would specifically state at the beginning of their orders that the weights had to be exact. We would occasionally give these people that were likely having a hard enough time making ends meet up to a quarter of a pound FREE for being honest about needing it to 'weigh' only a pound and not a bit over.
#6 We were generally very nice people in the deli and thus took it with a grain of salt when we would get cashiers, baggers, or CSM's running back to the deli and going "This needs to be a pound or less. They said they told you that." If no other customers were around they would then expand with: "But we know that you listen and they're lying through their tooth."
#7 This was a Supercenter Deli on a main road right off a highway. A busy day could see us attempting to handle 300+ customers an hour in the entire deli between the hot fried food and cold sliced food sides. This is with an average of four slicers (one likely on a lunch), one hot food cooker, and one, maybe two people serving from the hot food and cold salads cases. Seven people. You try playing 'follow the known WIC-ed of the East Coast' when you're making barely $10 an hour to handle a ton of crap from self-important uptight CT snobs, and catching the few nice people that filter through a waiting line sometimes half an hour long at peak times, and THEN catching crap from management about people complaining about slow service because management refuses to hire more people that are willing to work the hours that you NEED more people.

Not one of those reasons explains why deli staff didn't simply weigh those items to come in just under a pound. I mean, yeah, it's possible that someone NOT on WIC would buy that stuff on the specified date, but it's far more likely that they were WIC customers - just seems like common sense to assume that they are and make everyone's life a little bit easier.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not misunderstanding deli life or anything. I spent three years working in a grocery store deli and slicing for the unwashed masses. I just can't see why this would even be an issue if it's a known problem with such a simple solution.

[Voldine]

Not one of those reasons explains why deli staff didn't simply weigh those items to come in just under a pound. I mean, yeah, it's possible that someone NOT on WIC would buy that stuff on the specified date, but it's far more likely that they were WIC customers - just seems like common sense to assume that they are and make everyone's life a little bit easier.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not misunderstanding deli life or anything. I spent three years working in a grocery store deli and slicing for the unwashed masses. I just can't see why this would even be an issue if it's a known problem with such a simple solution.

Then you have obviously never had the following conversation over what is and is not a pound of cheese.

SC: Excuse me, I said I wanted a pound of cheese, you only gave me .98.
CW: Miss, you also said that you wanted me to take off the last slice when it came to 1.03.
SC Right, I wanted you to take that slice off and make it a pound, not .98, that's not a pound.
CW: Well I could get another slice and re-weigh it and take off the little bit it's going to be over.
SC: Alright. Hey! You said you'd take off what was over!
CW: I did, I took off the small amount of weight over a pound in the system.
SC Now it's over a pound though! I want you to take off the cheese that makes it over a pound! Are you really that stupid?
Me: *no but it looks like you are* "Miss, please take your POUND of cheese and go to the register. We do have other customers to take care of today. I can assure you that your pound of cheese will ring up at only one pound at the register and not one cent over the price for one pound of cheese."

Remember kids, this is a Wal-Mart deli, thus you get both normal people and Grade-A dipshits shopping there.

[VComps]

NR: Oh nevermind, Just gimme that Land O Lakes over there that you have.
Me: Will that be Land O Lakes baby swiss, american, naturally slender (lower fat) american, or pepperjack?

That, my friend, is full of win.