Saturday Asshattery (WARNING: LANGUAGE!)

[MiddleofNowhere]

To: The Privileged Bitch

From: MiddleofNowhere

Re: How much you suck...

Well, excuse the FUCK out of me! I'm not sorry that you've visited our store five times waiting for some jacket to go on sale. Last time I checked, our red tag on that jacket meant exactly that - it was on sale! Ohhhh, you thought you, the special snowflake you are, deserved a better price because it was the last one? So, what, bitch? Everyone else in the area gobbled up that coat at our regular sale price. That coat will be gone within an hour of you hurling it at my head and me placing it back on the sale rack. I hope you die, bitch.

cc: My file of asshole customers

To: The Infinitely Creepy Asshole

From: MiddleofNowhere

Re: Why I Didn't Help You Today

Here's the deal, creepy fuckface. You walking up behind me, well within my personal space was one thing I can forgive. *think close enough to know my 'real' haircolor'* And you know what, I did look a bit odd wearing light gloves inside the store, but just a reminder - it's fucking 0 degrees outside, our store faces north, there is a howling north wind, so yeah, one side of our store is drastically cooler than the other. I got tired of shoving my hands in my pockets, so I put on gloves. Deal with it. But NOOO, you decided to be the big funny asshole with a mouth who walks up and smiles at me with your creepy pedophile smile and ask, 'What's with the gloves, you got diseased hands or something? Oh, and where are the swim goggles?' You deserved mine, and my managers look of utter disgust and I rightly turned away and walked away from you. No, I will not be admonished by my manager. And yes, I hope you freeze to death in a snowbank.

[Chanlin]

you got diseased hands or something?

So do you? *runs and hides*

Seriously though, some people just have no tact.

Yes sir, I have anthrax, now how may I help you today

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Must be something in the air today . . . which probably means I need to pay better attention to the weather forecast. *sigh*

Went to pick up a couple of packs of cigs at the Quick Stop on the way home. While in line, a guy sitting behind the counter at the far end starts trying to get my attention.

At first I tried to ignore him, but then he got louder "HEY PRETTY LADY!"

I turned around. "Excuse me?" I asked.

"Where'd you get that pretty gray hair from?"

I gave this one a "go to Hell" look and simply replied back "It's not gray. It's NATURAL!."

Young guy behind the counter shook his head and tried to apologize for the other one. "He doesn't know the difference."

I tell him what smokes I want and made the comment "Probably not. Besides, it's rather rude to ask a lady that kind of question." I got my smokes, handed over some cash and wished the guy behind the counter luck (he had just started for the day and had a 10 hour shift ahead of him. Poor fellow.)

I suspect that moron hiding in the corner was related to the second jerk in the OP. Cousins at the very least.

Either way, anybody who thinks insulting a female is a good idea needs a good whack - or several.

[Chazzie]

"My hands, stomach and fronts of my legs were burned horribly in a fire half a year ago saving my nephew's life. In that fire I was not able to save my sister, only her son. I've never gotten over the physical, and emotional scarring, and people couldn't stop asking, so I covered up. Thank you for reminding me. Now how can I help you?"

[Snowbird]

Either way, anybody who thinks insulting a female is a good idea needs a good whack - or several.

Remember how elementary school boys were on the playground at recess? The girl they liked most was usually plagued horribly by their misguided attempts for attention. This guy, and the guy from the OP, just haven't matured past that stage. I can't imagine that it works though, but some folks just don't and won't get it.

I think I'll add my 'if I could say anything without getting fired' thought too: "My gloves? Oh, I'm wearing them because I got terrible blisters from pimp slapping the last person who got up in my space and asked insulting, tactless questions. Is there anything I can help you find?"

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

I hope you die, bitch.

That reminds me of a song:

You must die I alone am best.

I hope ya flip some guy the bird
He cuts you off and you're forced to swerve
In front of the Beatles' tour bus
A Bookmobile and a Mack truck
Hauling hazardous biological waste
The light turns red you have no brakes
And Hard Copy gets it all on tape
So you can see the look on your face

Die die die die die die die
Die die die die die die die

I hope your Pinto begins to spin
Takes out a disabled Vietnam veteran
Mows down a Nobel Peace Prize winner
And maybe some orphans having Christmas dinner
Perhaps even the British Royal Family
And the Rabbi that's clutching the bottle-fed puppy
And we can't forget the newlyweds
And those Jerry's Kids are as good as dead

I hope this helps to emphasize
I hope this helps to clarify
I hope you die

I hope your cellmate thinks he's God
But C.N.N. refer to him as Bowling Ball Bag Bob
Serving time again for abuse of a corpse
Only this time the victim's a Clydesdale horse
While he masturbates to photos of livestock
He does the Silence Of The Lambs dance to Christian Rock
Eats feces and quotes from Deliverance
And fights with his imaginary playmate Vince

Die die die die die die die
Die die die die die die die

I hope he grins like Jack Nicholson
And forces you to play a game called Balls On Chin
And whatever happens next is all a blur
But you remember fist can be a verb
And when you finally regain consciousness
You're bound and gagged in a wedding dress
And the prison guard looks the other way
'Cause he's the guy ya flipped the bird the other day

I hope this helps to emphasize
I hope this helps to clarify
I hope you die

I hope you die

-Bloodhound Gang, I Hope You Die