You want me to what?

[HorrorFrogPrincess]

This has happened more than once, and ALWAYS when the place is totally slammed and I have to shout to be heard over the noise. The conversation always goes somewhat like this:

SC: What toppings do you have.
Me: Just the standard pizza toppings.
SC: ....*looks expectant*
Me: ...you want me to read them?
SC: Yes.


UGH! It's PIZZA! Tell me what you normally get, and if we don't have it, I'll tell you so. So unless you're a total nitwit who orders Cheese Steak Pizza with extra Pork and Lobster with such frequency that you've completely forgotten the existence of such common fare as pepperoni and mushrooms, we probably have it. But, no. You, Precious Snowflake, want the list of the dozen or so items read out to you over extreme noise by a hassled employee whose voice is already failing her.

I hope you choke on your cheese steak.

[Sliceanddice]

dont oyu have boxtoppers or ads with a menu on it?

[HorrorFrogPrincess]

Yup. The menu is posted up on the wall, and we have a printout in front of every register.

[Jester]

I get this a lot.

IDIOT CUSTOMER: "What kind of rum do you have?" A fair question.
JESTER: "We have 120 different kinds of rum."
IDIOT CUSTOMER: "Which ones are good?"

Dude, look. You are in a bar that specializes in rum. We have more varieties of rum than anyone else within 150 miles, maybe more. We are Rum GODS!

Do you honestly think that only 2 or 3 of them are good, and the rest is all crappy fermented sugar water? Seriously?

Also remember, personal taste in rum varies. I love Pyrat XO Reserve. My coworker thinks it's terrible, and prefers Zacapa 23. My boss loves Atlantico. So I don't know what YOU would like. I know by your bearing, attire, general demeanor, and obvious lack of an abundance of brain cells you are NOT going to be getting either of our $50 per shot rums. So here, look at this list that tells you all about most of them, figure out what you want, and let me go help out the customers that know what they want and are not going to waste my time with idiotic questions.

[Calud]

You have 150 different kinds of rum?

Wow.

Which ones are good?


Don't hurt me.

[Evil Queen]

Can I have Rum on my pizza?

[Broomjockey]

What's your smoothest (least sharp?) rum at no more than $7/glass.

[HorrorFrogPrincess]

Can I have Rum on my pizza?

Well, since it's you...

*calls to CW* ANYONE GOT RUM? I only keep Scotch in my hip flask.

[Jester]

You have 150 different kinds of rum?

120 +, actually.

Which ones are good?

Don't hurt me.

See, you can ask me, as I am not swamped with scores of drunks needing beverages, but am sitting comfortably at home in my Guinness pajama pants, contemplating going to have a beer at Flirt's bar.

And I will list a few for you.

Pyrat Cask 1623, a 40 year blend. ($50/shot)
El Dorado 25 year. ($50/shot)

Those are the best I've ever had, but in the more sanely priced ones, we have the Appleton family (21 year, Reserve, Extra, VX), Vizcaya, Pyrat XO Reserve, Ron Zacapa 23 year, Atlantico, Matusalem Gran Reserva, the Brinley flavored rums, Zaya, Mt. Gay Extra Old, Bacardi 8, El Dorado 12 year and 15 year, Flor de Cana 18 year and 21 year, Pampero Anniversario, Ron Centenario XX....you get the idea.

What's your smoothest (least sharp?) rum at no more than $7/glass.

None. Our rums start at $6, and none of the ones in that range are sipping rums that I would describe as smooth. They are for mixing only. Not counting the $50 rums, most of our rums range up to $15, with a couple over $20. Most of the ones I mentioned above are about $9-$12.

You can have cheap. You can have good. You can't have both.

[Broomjockey]

None. Our rums start at $6, and none of the ones in that range are sipping rums that I would describe as smooth. They are for mixing only. Not counting the $50 rums, most of our rums range up to $15, with a couple over $20. Most of the ones I mentioned above are about $9-$12.

You can have cheap. You can have good. You can't have both.

Riiiiiiiiiiight, Key West prices. I keep forgetting. Geez, if I ever go on vacation and decide to cut loose, I'm going to have to email you and ask for a list of brands to stay away from, because I'd never know.

[Jester]

Shit, just ask the Bartender of wherever you are.

Besides, only a pisspoor jackhole of a bartender will have a customer order the $50/shot stuff and NOT make sure the customer knew the price tag on that one!

[Ironclad Alibi]

120 +, actually.

See, you can ask me, as I am not swamped with scores of drunks needing beverages, but am sitting comfortably at home in my Guinness pajama pants, contemplating going to have a beer at Flirt's bar.

Since I can ask you, I will. I have an unopened bottle of rum in my liquor cabinet. It is "Windward Puerto Rican Rum" with a US Internal Revenue tax stamp dated "Junio 1946." It also has a Maryland tax stamp. What might your assessment be of this particular item?

This bottle was part of a collection left by my wife's aunt when she passed away in 1983.

[Jester]

I am a rum afficionado, but by not means an expert, and do not recognize that particular brand name.

However, since that bottle is 63 years old, PLUS whatever aging it received initially, there are two possibilities.

1. It is utter crap, but now it is old crap, possibly even spoiled. Just like wine, rum can go bad, though not as easily.

2. It is going to be fantastic, the kind of thing you would open at a special occasion, like a wedding, anniversary, or public execution of an ex.

If I had to bet, I would bet on the latter....and would want to be there for the tasting.

Keep in mind, though, that if it was crap rum when it was first purchased, the aging within the bottle won't do much to change that crappiness of it. I would suggest researching the brand name online.

[Nyoibo]

IDIOT CUSTOMER: "What kind of rum do you have?" A fair question.
JESTER: "We have 120 different kinds of rum."
IDIOT CUSTOMER: "Which ones are good?"

Dude, look. You are in a bar that specializes in rum. We have more varieties of rum than anyone else within 150 miles, maybe more. We are Rum GODS!

So does this mean next time I'm in Florida I can get a Bundy and coke?

[Jester]

So does this mean next time I'm in Florida I can get a Bundy and coke?

Possibly, depending on where in Florida. But not in The Bar. I've never heard of Bundy rum, which means, of course, that we don't carry it. Yes, I know just by someone naming it whether or not we stock it. Yes, I am good.