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**Amina516** · 01-31-2009, 12:24 AM

Quoth cloudiko View Post

Countermelody: (Also known as “painful theme #2”)

Me: Thank you for calling the Pit, how can I help you?
Caller: …*sounds of a TV turning channels* And I told my friends about Super Prostate Magic! It makes your testicles at least 15% more attractive than before! Try it today for only $19.95!
Me: …Hello?
Caller: …Plus shipping and handling! Try Prostate Magic Today! It makes you look and feel younger!
Me:…Anyone? Hello?
Caller: …
Me: Thanks for sharing a hint about “Younger Looking Testicles”. However, I’m a woman. Sorry to burst your bubble. Good bye. *click*

I dont think anything could make those things more attractive.....

Quoth cloudiko View Post

You Confuse Me, Strange Lady Customer

Girl: Okay, check this out: imagine lying in a big, open field where everyone likes to sunbathe. Then, imagine that suddenly you’re covered in a tall, dark shadow. You look up and see a huge piece of crap – or, more accurately – and pardon my language, shit. It’s tall and phallic and brown. With a gold plaque that says something about collaboration between science and the arts. It’s UGLY! I mean, why did they have to put something SO horrible in the middle of a field that everyone used to sunbathe in?

Me: *jawdrop*

That must be where they put the memorial for IPF's soon to be departed coworker, Numbnuts.

**DGoddessChardonnay** · 01-31-2009, 01:31 AM

Quoth Amina516 View Post

I dont think anything could make those things more attractive.....

No, but for some a peanut shell and a rubber band do make good cover . . .

That must be where they put the memorial for IPF's soon to be departed coworker, Numbnuts.

And here I'd have thought that was a temple for guys to go and wish for bigger and better things.

Silly me.

**Summerfly413** · 01-31-2009, 01:48 AM

The first one sounds like someone's phone dialed without them realizing. Sometimes I'll get voicemails of just garbled noise and people talking.

**Boozy** · 01-31-2009, 01:14 PM

Quoth cloudiko View Post

Guy: I want the “You Choose It” appetizer.
Me: Okay, what would you like on it?
Guy: …
Me: …
Guy: I want the “You Choose It” appetizer.
Me: Yeah, I gathered that. What did you want on the appetizer?
Guy: …
Me: You have to tell me what you want on it. I don’t know what you want to eat...
Guy: OH!!!! You choose it!!! Hah!

Why does the simple task of ordering a meal confound so many people? That was my biggest pet peeve from my waitressing days.

I'd get people ordering an omelet, and then when I'd ask what they'd like in it, they'd say something like, "Just a basic omelet." Not "plain". "Basic". How am I supposed to know what that means?

Or I'd say, "White or whole wheat" and they'd say, "Yes."

**VComps** · 02-01-2009, 05:41 AM

Quoth cloudiko View Post

Me: You have to tell me what you want on it. I don’t know what you want to eat...
Guy: OH!!!! You choose it!!! Hah!

Wow. Just... wow.

**smileyeagle1021** · 02-01-2009, 06:59 AM

Quoth Amina516 View Post

That must be where they put the memorial for IPF's soon to be departed coworker, Numbnuts.

Numbnuts will never leave... he is like John McCain, he has always been there and he will never leave

(no offense to John McCain, he's a great guy, he just seems to be everywhere now).

Quoth Summerfly413 View Post

The first one sounds like someone's phone dialed without them realizing. Sometimes I'll get voicemails of just garbled noise and people talking.

I've done that... had my phone dial in my pocket without realizing it

**Jester** · 02-01-2009, 04:38 PM

Quoth Summerfly413 View Post

The first one sounds like someone's phone dialed without them realizing. Sometimes I'll get voicemails of just garbled noise and people talking.

I often get ghost calls from various friends, where their phone dials my number without the phone's owner realizing it. It's not as bad these days with so many phones being either flip phones or having a keyboard lock, but still.....

Quoth Boozy View Post

I'd get people ordering an omelet, and then when I'd ask what they'd like in it, they'd say something like, "Just a basic omelet." Not "plain". "Basic". How am I supposed to know what that means?

There are two I get a whole lot of.

THEM: "I'd like a beer."
ME: "Any particular flavor?"

Also.....

THEM: "I'll have a burger, plain please."
ME: "So you want nothing on it, just the meat and bread?"
THEM: "Well, cheese too."
ME: "Anything else?"
THEM: "Well, yeah, lettuce tomato and mayo. You know....plain."
ME: "In other words, not plain, but with cheese, lettuce, tomato, and mayo."
THEM: "Yeah, I guess that's not plain."

ME: "Would you like bacon as well?"
THEM: "Of course."

Of course.

**Broomjockey** · 02-01-2009, 06:00 PM

Quoth Jester View Post

THEM: "I'll have a burger, plain please."
ME: "So you want nothing on it, just the meat and bread?"
THEM: "Well, cheese too."
ME: "Anything else?"
THEM: "Well, yeah, lettuce tomato and mayo. You know....plain."
ME: "In other words, not plain, but with cheese, lettuce, tomato, and mayo."
THEM: "Yeah, I guess that's not plain."

ME: "Would you like bacon as well?"
THEM: "Of course."

Of course.

See, that would almost make sense if they'd said "plain bacon cheeseburger."

And you were hit in the head several times with a tire iron.

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