Ultimate Pwnage!

[Wade]

Yesterday's thread brought forth a slew of repressed nightmares from my stint in the mortgage industry. God help me. Maybe I need therapy.... or a beer.

Back when I was a loan coordinator for a rather large wholesale lending firm (which is no longer in business - surprise), I left a message for one of my clients (a retail broker) to please provide some documentation requested by the underwriter. No problem, right?

Couple of hours later, the underwriter (Teri - really sweet lady, known her for years) calls me to her desk to listen to a voice mail left by said customer. She was ranting on and on about why am I asking for this, !!!ELEVENTY!!!, and please call her, as maybe Teri would "be smarter about it than Wade."



Alright, off come the gloves. Teri looks at me cautiously, because I'm about to explode.

Teri: Honey? Don't take it personally.

So, I breathe, count to ten, and get one gem of an idea.



Me: Don't worry, Teri - I'll call her.
Teri: Wade....
Me: It's alright. Nothing bad's gonna happen.

So, I go back to my desk and dial.

Me: Hi, Antichrist, it's Wade.
SC: Oh, hi Wade.
Me: Teri told me you left her a voicemail regarding my earlier message for documentation?
SC: Oh, yes -
Me: Well, unfortunately, Teri agrees this documentation is required.
SC: Oh, okay -
Me: So, go ahead and get that over and I'll have Teri look at it immediately.
SC: Alright.
Me: And hey, who knows? Maybe Teri will be smarter about it than I am.

Silence.

Oh, sweet, sweet victory.

SC: Uh.... uh....
Me: Okay, just get that over. Thanks!

<click>

Couple of hours later, I get a call from our company's account manager.

Dirk: Hey, Wade! How's it going, today?
Me: Meh. Livin' the dream.
Dirk: Hey, I got a call from Antichrist. She seemed really embarrased, and indicated she may have offended you?
Me: What? Nah! Everything's fine here!
Dirk: Well, okay. Just wanted to make sure everything's cool on your end.
Me: Yep. Everything's just right as rain!

This makes it even funnier, 'cause I can only imagine Dirk going back to Antichrist to say, "No, Wade's fine." And then, Antichrist was stewing in her humiliation even further, 'cause I indirectly did not accept her pathetic attempt at an apology. Seriously, why not just call me to say you're sorry?

[IT Grunt]

Silence.

Oh, sweet, sweet victory.

SC: Uh.... uh....
Me: Okay, just get that over. Thanks!

<click>

I could just hear her train of thought de-railing with a shriek of brakes and the sound of wrenching metal as it slammed head on into the oncoming train of reality.

[MannersMakethMan]

Oh YES! Bullseye! Just goes to show how it's always worth counting to ten before you do anything.

A story to bring tears to your eyes *****

[Severen13]

Me: And hey, who knows? Maybe Teri will be smarter about it than I am.

Silence.

Oh, sweet, sweet victory.

SC: Uh.... uh....
Me: Okay, just get that over. Thanks!

<click>

That was beautiful. *sob*

[lordlundar]

Maybe I need therapy.... or a beer.

What's the difference? Apart from the beer being cheaper of course.

[Mongo Skruddgemire]

What's the difference? Apart from the beer being cheaper of course.

As the old song goes...I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. I might be drunk, but at least I'm not insane.

[taxguykarl]

What's the difference? Apart from the beer being cheaper of course.

And probably more effective than the excuse for a psychotherapist that I convinced my wife to quit seeing.

[Becks]

Becks Seal of Approval©.

[Apathy]

Excellent work.
Let's hope it'll be a lesson to that bitch. Probably not.

[Jay 2K Winger]

That was, indeed, Ultimate Pwnage. I salute you, sir!

[tropicsgoddess]

That was the most beautifully executed pwnage ever!!!

[UncleImpy]

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

Oh man, now I gotta go dig up my Dr. Demento disks again, thankyouverymuch