one from the security center archive...

[Brighid45]

Found this when I was cleaning out my old Livejournal account. This is from one night's work and is fairly typical of what we dealt with all shift long. Enjoy

INCIDENT #1:

Me: I'm calling in a commercial BA (burglar alarm).

Chicago dispatcher: Residence or business?

Me: *internal sigh* Business.

CD: Business name?

Me: Fishman--

CD: What?

Me: Fishman--

CD: F-O-C-H-M-I-N?

Me: No, f-i-s-h-

CD: Wait, wait. Don't go so fast. F . . . you say I?

Me: *trying not to laugh* Ma'am, it's the word 'fish' and the word 'man'.

CD: Huh?

Me: F. I. S. H. M. A. N.

CD: You say Fitchman?

Me: NO ma'am. F . . . I . . . S . . . H . . .

CD: I got it, I got it. Is this a residence or a business?

INCIDENT #2:

(calling someone on an emergency contact list to let them know a burglar alarm has gone off at the client's house. Time is app. 3 a.m.)

Me: Good morning, this is Brighid45 with ABC Security, I'm calling because we've received an alarm at Ms X's home--

Contact: I don't f****** believe you're calling me at this hour! I don't want a system! *hangs up*

Me: (after calling back) Sir, I'm not a telemarketer--

Contact: *shrieking* I can't believe you called me back! *slams down the phone*

Me: *valiant third effort* Sir, I'm telling you, there's a BURGLAR ALARM going off at Ms X's house!

Contact: *brief silence* Well, this isn't her house.

Me: Yes sir, I understand that. I'm calling to let you know the alarm is going off because I couldn't reach Ms X and you are on her emergency contact list. Could you meet the police at her house?

Contact: *grudgingly* Yes . . . I guess.

Me: Could you please tell me how long it will take you to get there?

Contact: *offended silence, then:* I live right next door. *said as if this was the most obvious fact in the world to anyone with one functioning brain cell*

Me: Thank you, sir. Could you tell me what color jacket you might be wearing? If I can describe you to the police, they won't think you're an intruder.

Contact: *icy tones* I'll be in my pajamas.

INCIDENT #3:

Me: Good evening, this is Brighid45 with ABC security services. We've received a fire alarm from your location, is everything okay?

Person who answered the phone: Yeah, we're all right.

Me: May I please speak with Mrs X?

Person: Hold on. *consults with someone in the room, then back to me:* She's not available.

Me: Ma'am, it's really important that I speak with Mrs X.

Person: Hold on. *yells into the room* She needs to talk to you! *arguing back and forth with other person, then back to me:* She's asleep right now.

Me: All right ma'am, may I please have your personal identification code or password?

Person (insulted): I don't know what that is. How would I know that? Why are you asking me that? No one's ever asked me that before!

Me: If I'm unable to get a valid identification code I'll have to call the fire company, ma'am.

Person: Hold on. *more yelling and arguing with other person, then:* Everything's okay here.

Me: Ma'am, I need a personal identification code please.

Person (angrily): I told you I don't know that!

Me: I understand ma'am. May I please have your first and last name?

Person: Hold on. *more yelling and arguing, then:* The alarm isn't working right. You need to send someone here to fix it.

Me: Ma'am, I am not allowed to do that. You need to call us to set up a work order or talk with a technician.

Person (very angry now): What do you mean you can't do that! First you ask me a bunch of stupid questions and now you won't fix the damn alarm!

Me: Ma'am, I'm asking you for your name and your personal identification code for your own safety.

Person: Hold on. *yells at the other person in the room:* This bitch won't help me! You should have answered the phone! *To me* Just have a technician come out now to fix this mess. *hangs up*

[friendofjimmyk]

To which I would've promptly sent the emergency services.

[pbmods]

To which I would've promptly sent the emergency services.

Yeah, ditto on that last one. Sounds like somebody broke in to throw a party, and they accidentally set off the fire alarm

I believe that I would have to call police, fire, national guard and anybody else that would be pissed off to find out that they got called over early in the morning 'cause the customer was too dumb to listen to the person responsible for her safety!

[protege]

To which I would've promptly sent the emergency services.

....who would have charged them $300 for a false alarm call...

*locally, that is*

[friendofjimmyk]

Yup, then I bet they'd come to the phone next time...unless money is not an object to them.

[Brighid45]

Somehow it was always our fault if alarm batteries ran low or someone put a smoke detector right over an oven or stove, or walled up a doorframe with half an alarm contact still on the frame (which did happen more than once). It was even our fault if the customer couldn't remember their passcode and we wouldn't give them hints. One customer was so irate with me over that one that finally I said in exasperation, "Sir, if you were a burglar and I gave you a hint so you could guess the passcode, wouldn't you be just a little upset with ABC?" "But I'm NOT a burglar! I swear!"

Granted, our techs sometimes pulled some really dumb stunts with installation or repair, and then the customer was fully justified in being furious--but expecting psychic consultations on whether or not you're really the customer, expecting alarm batteries to last forever (or suppled gratis by the company when they did die), expecting someone to come out and punch in your passcode at 3 a.m. on a Sunday morning in Podunk Junction because you're too drunk to do it yourself . . . nope. Ain't gonna happen.

At the time I was working this job, most townships and municipalities were just beginning to impose fines. Customers would scream at us for false alarms, but never take responsibility for preventing them. Then when they did finally want a tech in to repair problems, they wanted someone in IMMEDIATELY--as in the tech sent to their place via transporter. Sorry, no can do.

I always loved it when a customer would tell me "I KNOW you can turn off my system from your computer!" Yeah sure. Let me pull this special string that runs from my monitor clear to your house. *YANK*

[Tria]

....who would have charged them $300 for a false alarm call...

*locally, that is*

Heh, I live in apartment complex with a a bunch of tenants who think the fire alarm is a kitchen timer.... And like to cook at three AM.... Saddly this is a common occurance.

[trunks2k]

I could understand the guy at 3AM. If you call me at 3AM for any reason, don't expect me to be too pleasant or really understand what the hell is going on. If the phone rings at 3AM and wakes me up, I normally miss the call because I'm too busy trying to figure out what the hell that strange noise coming from my dresser is and almost break my alarm clock in the process.

[Brighid45]

I was usually pretty patient with people at that hour for that reason. The problem with the emergency contact list was generally that the customer who put people on the list never told them s/he had done that, so a call from a security company in the middle of the night was a total surprise. The people who knew they were on the list were a lot more aware of course, and didn't tend to assume I was some demented telemarketer.

[gijoecam]

Heh, I live in apartment complex with a a bunch of tenants who think the fire alarm is a kitchen timer.... And like to cook at three AM.... Saddly this is a common occurance.

There was an elderly Italian lady that didn't speak a lick of English who lived below me when I lived in my condo a few years back. She was very sweet, and a great cook.... when she didn't fall asleep with food on the stove. Yes, it was a weekly occurrence, and it averaged three times in two weeks for about a year and a half. What's really funny is that if you go to http://local.live.com (windows Live Local) and do a bird's eye view of my condo, in one of the views, there is a fire truck and an ambulance parked in front of the building. The images were clearly taken after I moved out, but I just found it amusing when I saw it.

(Yes, myself, my neighbors, and the condo association wanted the family to put her in an assisted living facility, not the condos, but after consulting with an attorney, it was determined that there was nothing we could do until some loss was actually incurred due to her negligence. It was an unfortunate situation, and I'm just glad I moved!!)

[Tria]

There was an elderly Italian lady that didn't speak a lick of English who lived below me when I lived in my condo a few years back. She was very sweet, and a great cook.... when she didn't fall asleep with food on the stove. Yes, it was a weekly occurrence, and it averaged three times in two weeks for about a year and a half.

But did she do it at 3AM?

[repsac]

I remember several times when I worked in corrections having to explain to the police department that yes, I know the alarm went off, no I don't know why it went off, the building is empty on that side and I have the only key, further more I'm not a burgular and if I was I'd not be dressed in a uniform from the corrections office complete with spray, badge, handcuffs and pepper spray. However, if they would like to come in and look around I could unlock the door for them as long as they wouldn't mind turning their firearms over to me and having them locked in the safe.