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Tales from the Crypt

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  • Tales from the Crypt

    I've read over the site for awhile, and thought I'd add some of my experiences from various forms of hell over the years. Stupidity knows no borders, nor does it know age limits.

    A long time ago, I interned at Disney World. Was a blast, and back then, really gave you insight on how to treat people right. I'm working overtime in attractions one day, on Dumbo. Now Dumbo requires you to line up, split into two holding areas, get a 'pass', and get on, because there are limited seats. So I'm wondering why we've got a family of four screwed out of an elephant, and some weasel has let his kids and wife in through the exit line. I asked him, Sir, your family has to go through the line to get on. This is an exit. Oh, I'm handicapped, I can get them on any ride they want. No sir, YOU are allowed special circumstances where we will help YOU and YOUR family get on, but you have to go through the line and let us know. No, I'm a customer, I am handicapped, and my family is getting on this ride. Really? (Last ride of the day) So I call security, I've got a family of 4 screwed, and this guy being a pain. Turns out security had been looking for him. a) he wasn't handicapped, b) he'd been pulling this scam at every ride, and c) he's been an asshole to everyone he's come into contact with. So his family gets one last ride around the world, lovely pictures of daddy arguing with security, so forth. They get off, all of their tickets are asked for, and shredded in front of them. The handicapped card they've been using also goes in the garbage. When I inquired about it later, they were also thrown out of their hotel and off property. I do love organizations that have rules for a reason.

    When i got back from El Paso, I started working for General Cinemas. When Twister came out, we got loads of emails saying, The movie is louder than the furnaces in hell, advise customers of loud noise. So we posted at least 15 of these signs all over the building, and we're a building of 6 screens, 3 of which are for Twister, and roughly 5 concession stands, two box offices and a door box. You'd have to be certifiable not to see them. Sure enough, this evil hag comes in, and complains about the sound during the trailers. For those of you who don't know, trailers back then were almost always mono only, meaning they were loud to start with in a 300 seat theater. I told her, ma'am, the sound on this movie is loud, it's how they recorded it, and the trailers are loud because of the sound format. It will correct and be fine. So off she goes. Now, Twister is a DISASTER movie, ie it's going to be loud when a tornado shows up on screen and moves neighborhood b to city a. She watches the entire thing, and I go to clean up. I barely make it in the theater, and I get screamed at. Every word in the book. I'm going to sue you, I've lost my hearing, I don't want any excuses, blah blah. So I take this for 15 minutes solid, and not a single coworker goes to get a manager. After she leaves, I look at everyone in the theater, and proudly say, Thank every fucking one of you for not going to get me help. I walked out, grabbed a large broom handle, went outside, and shattered it numerous times over a concrete barricade.

    Another suckass at the theaters was this loser. Man in his early 50's. My friend, who happened to be black, ran track for the local university, and from Connecticut and never really had problems of being singled out for it. This loser comes up, from a good 20 feet away, bucket of empty popcorn in his hands, coke cups, trash, and shoves it right in his chest. "You can take care of this, right boy?" My friend looked at him, same as you'd look at a mosquito before killing it. "You hear me ok boy? I asked you to take care of this" " He didn't say what I think he just said, did he?" I answered, loud enough to be clearly heard "Yes, that ignorant, white trash supremacist said EXACTLY what you thought he did".

    This one was recent, last year. Goes to show ANY idiot can work for the federal government. I was working for an office supply company, local, that did a vast majority of work with the local and federal government. We were minority and disabled owned. It got us a lot of work. One of our biggest clients was the Veterans Affair's offices, not just local, but all. We usually got their order, got the supplies from Phoenix, packed them and shipped them ourselves. The main office in Washington DC ordered roughly $700 worth of supplies. We sent it, in 2 boxes. One got there, the other didnt. Lo and behold, the one with the $500 worth of stuff in it didn't get there. We looked high and low, all over UPS and the office trying to find it. Then the customer calls me back, after I've already been torn a new one by the VA claiming never to do business with us again and my boss' three eyed bitch of a wife. The customer says, we have a box here, it's a chair, can you have it picked up. I'm like, what the hell? We never sent you a chair. How big is it? Oh, the picture on it looks like a small reception chair. How big is it? Oh, about 2 feet by 2 feet and about 8 inches tall. <Ding> Ma'am, did you open the box? No, it's a chair. I didn't order a chair, why would I open it. For 3 THREE days i beg this woman, can you open the box? No, if I open it, I can't send it back. ma'am, I'm the service manager here. If I say we'll take it back if it's a chair we will(also thinking if it's a chair we shipped I'll walk to Washington, pack it up my own ass and walk back with it). Oh, would you look at that? It's our office supplies. Gee, who would have thought? We recycle boxes and send out 140 items YOU ordered in one big box, instead of marking each one with a label and sending them to you one by one.
    Last edited by MadMike; 02-25-2009, 01:31 AM.

  • #2
    Quoth chernabog View Post
    ma'am, I'm the service manager here. If I say we'll take it back if it's a chair we will(also thinking if it's a chair we shipped I'll walk to Washington, pack it up my own ass and walk back with it). Oh, would you look at that? It's our office supplies. Gee, who would have thought? We recycle boxes and send out 140 items YOU ordered in one big box, instead of marking each one with a label and sending them to you one by one.
    the fail is strong with that one...goes to show that common sense is vanishing no matter where you go these days.

    In other news, welcome to

    EQ should have the cookies, and your personal lifetime supply of brain bleach should arrive in a few days. Welcome home
    Your true character is who you are when no one is looking.
    --Unknown

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    • #3
      Those were some interesting stories. Good for Disney management for showing that guy who's in charge.

      Quoth karath View Post
      EQ should have the cookies, and your personal lifetime supply of brain bleach should arrive in a few days. Welcome home
      I never got my lifetime supply of brain bleach and I've been here for several months. Is there someone I can call?
      Low lie the Fields of Athenry/ Where once we watched the small free birds fly/ Our love was on the wing/ we had dreams and songs to sing/ It's so lonely around the Fields of Athenry

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      • #4
        It's probably on a Pallet about to fall on I.P. Freiligh's head, depending on how Cracktarded his Dist. Centre is being.

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        • #5
          I would like to order a good 3 months supply of Brain Bleach please.
          Fixing problems... one broken customer at a time.

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          • #6
            *leaves pizza for bog* oy for the last one

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            • #7
              Quoth chernabog View Post
              The customer says, we have a box here, it's a chair, can you have it picked up. I'm like, what the hell? We never sent you a chair. How big is it?

              ...

              It's our office supplies. Gee, who would have thought? We recycle boxes and send out 140 items YOU ordered in one big box, instead of marking each one with a label and sending them to you one by one.
              We repack boxes constantly and recently got a couple of pallets of nappy boxes.

              Mostly the response has been 'we didnt order nappies' with the occasional 'you repack boxes don't you' and one awesome 'the nappies for the boss are here'
              It's like trying to get laid by showing a girl your resume.
              Look, I was good at Biology and Woodwork.
              So I know where stuff is and I'm good with my hands.

              - Dan, The Gruen Transfer

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              • #8
                Quoth Salted Grump View Post
                It's probably on a Pallet about to fall on I.P. Freiligh's head, depending on how Cracktarded his Dist. Centre is being.
                *boxes of brain bleach fall on IPF's head and the back of his legs and leak, ruining his clothes.

                Owie. Anybody got some aspirin?
                Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

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                • #9
                  *hands aspirin and a shot of good Scotch* That ought to help.
                  A man can be stupid and not know it, but not if he is married.

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                  • #10
                    *hands IPF a note*

                    The note says. When you have the time, I will take a pallet of Brain Bleach. There is a $20 in it for you
                    Under The Moon Paranormal Research
                    San Joaquin Valley Paranormal Research

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                    • #11
                      Quoth Blade_Raver View Post
                      I would like to order a good 3 months supply of Brain Bleach please.
                      I've got at least a 3 months supply but I don't know how good it is...I'll give it to you for half price...
                      I don't go in for ancient wisdom
                      I don't believe just 'cause ideas are tenacious
                      It means that they're worthy - Tim Minchin, "White Wine in the Sun"

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                      • #12
                        Quoth chernabog View Post
                        A long time ago, I interned at Disney World.

                        <snip>

                        So his family gets one last ride around the world, lovely pictures of daddy arguing with security, so forth. They get off, all of their tickets are asked for, and shredded in front of them. The handicapped card they've been using also goes in the garbage. When I inquired about it later, they were also thrown out of their hotel and off property. I do love organizations that have rules for a reason.
                        My daughter was assualted by another patron at Disney World and we ended up in the security office behind Main Street giving a statment to the Orange County sheriff. What you described is EXACTLY what the Disney security chief told us would happen to the shitstain if they ever found him. Off the property (which means the hotel, even if it's the middle of the night). NO REFUND. Followed by a lifetime ban.

                        Sadly, they never found the jerk.
                        The best karma is letting a jerk bash himself senseless on the wall of your polite indifference.

                        The stupid is strong with this one.

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