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This guy called in, and he was very polite, but he left me very confused as to what it is he needed.
ME: <opening spiel> this is NW.
SC: Yeah, hi, my name is turdnugget and I'm a student at the Univerisity and I live in (town that's 15-20 miles south of the school) and I live with my parents. I commute to school everyday usually in my car.
<insert more rambling on this topic>
So someone vandalized my mom's house and she wanted me to call and tell you that.
ME: um... wait. So what did all that stuff about your school have to do with your mom's house getting vandalized??? (I wasn't being rude, I was doing my best to figure out what sort of help I needed to get him...)
SC: oh.. well, um, uhhhh... well I just wanted... um, to tell you ... um, I dunno. See, I uh live with my mom but I um... Well nothing I guess.
Yeah... Let's stick to the topic buddy. MMkay?
It's a family affair!
So Rambo's failed twin wants to report a fight between him and another family member. Keep in mind he's telling me all of this in a very calm tone, as if he's explaining what flowers he plans to grow this year, til the last bit, then all hell breaks loose.
RFT: So my <family member> came up behind me and pushed me a little. So I turned around and I punched him a little. Then we fought a little. THEN HE THREW A CHAIR AT ME!!! (a little?)
Uh huh... No more steroids for you sir.
The following are a few weeks old. I just lost them somewhere and never posted them. So here you are.
D-bag of the day:
Yes, we got your call. Yes sir… yes sir, an officer is responding… No sir, the officer is not ignoring you… yes sir, the officer really is responding… OH FOR F&*%S SAKE WOULD YOU JUST GET OFF THE F*&%%^* PHONE SO THE FRIGGIN COP CAN CALL YOUR RETARD ASS?!
This special beast called us at least 15 times (no joke). At one point an officer had been assigned to his call for about half and hour, so I asked him to verify his number again to make sure we had the right one. It took me several minutes to coerce him into telling me. I had to talk over him as he used choice phrases such as: “I didn’t give you the wrong f*(&*$%number!” “F^&$ no! I was Lying!” “BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!!1!!!1!!!ELEVNTY!!!” “You’re all F^&%$^% stupid”
Yes, he really screamed blah over and over again at me like a petulant child. Our little friend also called one of my more aggressive female co-workers a bitch… That was a big mistake. She verbally ripped his head off and forcefully inserted it into his anus. The supervisor spoke to him at one point and made him feel like the youngster he is (he was 18 or 19 and thought he was god). Why was Mr. Cockwallet so upset? Well some sort of police-type agent (he kept changing his mind on what sort of police-type agent) called him from a grocery store and he thought they were impersonating an officer. He kept changing his mind on the gender and exactly how he came to the conclusion this was a false officer of the law. He also couldn’t make up his mind on what his name is. So I named him J.J. Dickwad.
J.J. Dickwad called in hours later to apologize for his behavior; stating he had been feeling “a little hot-headed”. This is when I concluded that J.J. Dickwad has problems with severe bi-polar disorder. Sometimes drugs ARE the answer.
Why should you have the day off?!
A lady (I use the term loosely) called in wanting a resident pass for one of the canyons. You have to go to a particular building to acquire said pass. Said building is open Monday thru Friday 9-5 and subject to closure on holidays.
Ass-Munchkin here happened to be trying to call them on a (well known) holiday and therefore no one was answering over at this building. She told me she found it hard to believe that not a single soul was in the building for such an important matter. Yes, this is one of those times where the phrase, “a lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine” fits in perfectly. And yes, I did say that to her. She then told me she didn’t appreciate my “flippant attitude”. It made her even more angry when I laughed at her for saying that to me.
Her excuse for why she waited until a Monday holiday to try and get this resident pass: “well it’s the only day I could get off during the week!” Hullo lady, it’s a HOLIDAY. That means everyone who can get away with it (which is obviously not me) is on vacation today. You FAIL!
This was spread of several, very long calls. I was unfortunate enough to have to talk to her each time.
And it is my Friday, so I now I hope I can coast through the rest of my night with as little trouble as possible. Then I will go home and nurse my broken elbow.
...I got in a fight with the pavement <.< >.> I lost, tragically. It was fairly humiliating.
ME: <opening spiel> this is NW.
SC: Yeah, hi, my name is turdnugget and I'm a student at the Univerisity and I live in (town that's 15-20 miles south of the school) and I live with my parents. I commute to school everyday usually in my car.
<insert more rambling on this topic>
So someone vandalized my mom's house and she wanted me to call and tell you that.
ME: um... wait. So what did all that stuff about your school have to do with your mom's house getting vandalized??? (I wasn't being rude, I was doing my best to figure out what sort of help I needed to get him...)
SC: oh.. well, um, uhhhh... well I just wanted... um, to tell you ... um, I dunno. See, I uh live with my mom but I um... Well nothing I guess.
Yeah... Let's stick to the topic buddy. MMkay?
It's a family affair!
So Rambo's failed twin wants to report a fight between him and another family member. Keep in mind he's telling me all of this in a very calm tone, as if he's explaining what flowers he plans to grow this year, til the last bit, then all hell breaks loose.
RFT: So my <family member> came up behind me and pushed me a little. So I turned around and I punched him a little. Then we fought a little. THEN HE THREW A CHAIR AT ME!!! (a little?)
Uh huh... No more steroids for you sir.
The following are a few weeks old. I just lost them somewhere and never posted them. So here you are.
D-bag of the day:
Yes, we got your call. Yes sir… yes sir, an officer is responding… No sir, the officer is not ignoring you… yes sir, the officer really is responding… OH FOR F&*%S SAKE WOULD YOU JUST GET OFF THE F*&%%^* PHONE SO THE FRIGGIN COP CAN CALL YOUR RETARD ASS?!
This special beast called us at least 15 times (no joke). At one point an officer had been assigned to his call for about half and hour, so I asked him to verify his number again to make sure we had the right one. It took me several minutes to coerce him into telling me. I had to talk over him as he used choice phrases such as: “I didn’t give you the wrong f*(&*$%number!” “F^&$ no! I was Lying!” “BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!!1!!!1!!!ELEVNTY!!!” “You’re all F^&%$^% stupid”
Yes, he really screamed blah over and over again at me like a petulant child. Our little friend also called one of my more aggressive female co-workers a bitch… That was a big mistake. She verbally ripped his head off and forcefully inserted it into his anus. The supervisor spoke to him at one point and made him feel like the youngster he is (he was 18 or 19 and thought he was god). Why was Mr. Cockwallet so upset? Well some sort of police-type agent (he kept changing his mind on what sort of police-type agent) called him from a grocery store and he thought they were impersonating an officer. He kept changing his mind on the gender and exactly how he came to the conclusion this was a false officer of the law. He also couldn’t make up his mind on what his name is. So I named him J.J. Dickwad.
J.J. Dickwad called in hours later to apologize for his behavior; stating he had been feeling “a little hot-headed”. This is when I concluded that J.J. Dickwad has problems with severe bi-polar disorder. Sometimes drugs ARE the answer.
Why should you have the day off?!
A lady (I use the term loosely) called in wanting a resident pass for one of the canyons. You have to go to a particular building to acquire said pass. Said building is open Monday thru Friday 9-5 and subject to closure on holidays.
Ass-Munchkin here happened to be trying to call them on a (well known) holiday and therefore no one was answering over at this building. She told me she found it hard to believe that not a single soul was in the building for such an important matter. Yes, this is one of those times where the phrase, “a lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine” fits in perfectly. And yes, I did say that to her. She then told me she didn’t appreciate my “flippant attitude”. It made her even more angry when I laughed at her for saying that to me.
Her excuse for why she waited until a Monday holiday to try and get this resident pass: “well it’s the only day I could get off during the week!” Hullo lady, it’s a HOLIDAY. That means everyone who can get away with it (which is obviously not me) is on vacation today. You FAIL!
This was spread of several, very long calls. I was unfortunate enough to have to talk to her each time.
And it is my Friday, so I now I hope I can coast through the rest of my night with as little trouble as possible. Then I will go home and nurse my broken elbow.
...I got in a fight with the pavement <.< >.> I lost, tragically. It was fairly humiliating.
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