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Ok, so a few more stories that I can remember from the last few weeks. What’s that you say? Procrastinating on studying for my exam? Ha! Hardly! I find the insinuation to be---ok, you know what, let’s just get on with it, shall we…? 
Story the First: Ask not what the scammer can do to you, but what you can do to the scammer!
Had this guy come in, trying to sell back textbooks. No big deal, I ask for his ID, and get told he doesn’t have one because his wallet was stolen. And he swears up and down that he was able to do a buyback the day before without ID. Now, as an aside, I watched this guy come in, watched him wander around with an EMPTY messenger bag, go to the ropes blocking off the textbook section, and wander over to the law book supplement section instead. And miraculously, he’s coming up with books to sell?
Um, no. Lupo’s NOT stupid thankyouverymuch.
So, I smile sweetly, and tell him I’m sorry, but I can’t help him without an ID. HE swears my manager did it before without one the day before, and hey, he left his wallet on the counter, could we check lost and found for him?!?!
…
I’m as confused as you are…since his wallet was stolen.
So, I play it nice and innocent, and tell him I’ll check, and that I’ll try to buy the books back in the back room by looking up his SSN. He gives me his name and SSN!! I go to the back room, check inventory on the two titles and send a CW to get a floor count while we call campus police. See, our tags note, if you know how to read them, when the books were put on the floor. He comes in February, and the books have a tag for jan/feb on them. He claims he (and at times his sister) used them last summer…
Right then.
Long story short, he DID steal them from us. But he waltzed out before the cops got there, missed them by minutes!!
I was irked…but I had his social security number! Gave it to the police, thinking he was still scamming us, but the nice officer came back two days later with a mug shot line up and asked me to pick the guy out. I did. Turns out his social WAS valid, and it led to all kinds of interesting info on him, like his 3 aliases, and the fact that he hits up various stores around the campus, selling stolen books.
So, holy fark, I scammed a scammer, and now all the stores around here know about him!
Go me!!
Still amazed he gave me his real social, though. But stupid is as stupid does…
Story the second: “Well, I have to go peroxide my eyeballs now, thanks so much…”*
*the quote is a rough quote from a conversation EQ and I had once, ‘twas amusing, and I was looking for the perfect moment to use it, and here it be!!
So, girl comes in to buy a textbook, and she’s a rather…colorful…character… she’s dressed in clothing at least 3 sizes too small, smells like she hasn’t bathed in weeks and instead covers it up with Eau de (latest music star’s fragrance) and clouds of cigarette smoke. This is all complete with glittery gold lame thong peeking out from under her far too tight jeans.
The book she’s purchasing is roughly $150 and some change. She asks if she can pay part cash, part credit, I say sure.
She pulls out the cash, and it’s a WAD of crinkled ones. We’re talking about $60 here…
And then I try to run her card, and it’s declined. Repeatedly. And she starts shrieking that my machines are stupid, of COURSE she has money, etc etc, you all know how it goes.
She then heaves this huge put upon sigh and drags out her wallet again…and gives me some twenties and tens. I add it up and she’s about $20 short. Does she give me one of the twenties still in her hand? Or the tens sticking out of her wallet?
Oh no, no she doesn’t. She reaches into parts of her body both above and below the equator to pull out still MORE ones, yammering on and on about how she just HATES to spend her hard earned tips.
I valiantly take the money, stuff it in the bottom of my drawer and wait until she’s gone before I slather my hands and arms with antibactierial gel, the entire time chanting, “Please be a waitress! Please be a waitress! Please, oh, PLEASE be a waitress!”
My mind stalwartly refuses to process any other occupations that involve tipping in singles and that…that…
Ok, where was I?
Ah, yes!
It’s called POLICY for a reason!!
This guy comes in, asking if he can exchange a sweatshirt, and he does have his receipt. Newbie cashier says ok, and he toddles off to find something to exchange it with. Cashier then gets a good glimpse at the receipt, and sees that it’s dated DECEMBER 15th!!
Our return policy, (which takes up the bottom half of the receipt, very CLEARLY states for clothing and GM merchandise, there is a 30 day period only for refunds and exchanges.
Thirty days.
NOT 3 months. So, I tell her to apologize, say we can’t do it because it’s against policy, and apologize for not reading the receipt at first, but there’s really nothing she can do. And if he gets testy, call the textbook manager, who’s acting manager, and NOT me, cuz it’s not my job to deal with him.
Of COURSE he got snippy. Claimed she lied to him, promised him he could exchange, and then LIED. He ripped the poor girl a new one by the time textbook manager came out, and swore that he WAS going to exchange the sweatshirt because we’re all a bunch of liars and heathens!!!11!!!!! (Yes, he called us heathens)
He was supposed to come back to talk to store manager, but I left before seeing if he ever did. I’ll find out what happened eventually, I hope…
Phone time fun!
Just a few of the phone gems I took.
Me: <opening spiel>
SC: Yes, I’m looking for Joe?
Me: I’m sorry, there’s no one here by that name, ma’am, I think this is the wrong number.
SC: Nonsense! Put Joe on the line.
Me: Ma’am, I’m sorry, but—
SC: That’s it! I demand your manager!
Me: Um, ok… <Puts her on hold> But he’s not Joe, either…
Me: <Opening spiel>
SC: Stop calling me!!! <Click>
Me: …
Me: <Opening spiel>
SC: Yeah, uh..where am I calling again…?
Me: Um…My Bookstore…
SC: Oh…so…you probably can’t help me with my taxes…
Me:
Uh…
SC: <Sighs> It’s so hard to find HELP… <Click>
Me: All righty then…
AAaaaaaand, that’s all for now, folks. Too tired to type anymore. Gonna finish my pear cider, and crawl into bed. Night night!!
In our next episode, Lupo will detail what REAL hell was! Having NO ICS systems up because corporate decided to switch servers in the middle of the week. The computers were down for TWO DAYS, no textbook look up, inventory info, nothing but straight up cash registers. <Shudder> The horror is still too fresh...
Story the First: Ask not what the scammer can do to you, but what you can do to the scammer!
Had this guy come in, trying to sell back textbooks. No big deal, I ask for his ID, and get told he doesn’t have one because his wallet was stolen. And he swears up and down that he was able to do a buyback the day before without ID. Now, as an aside, I watched this guy come in, watched him wander around with an EMPTY messenger bag, go to the ropes blocking off the textbook section, and wander over to the law book supplement section instead. And miraculously, he’s coming up with books to sell?
Um, no. Lupo’s NOT stupid thankyouverymuch.
So, I smile sweetly, and tell him I’m sorry, but I can’t help him without an ID. HE swears my manager did it before without one the day before, and hey, he left his wallet on the counter, could we check lost and found for him?!?!
…
I’m as confused as you are…since his wallet was stolen.
So, I play it nice and innocent, and tell him I’ll check, and that I’ll try to buy the books back in the back room by looking up his SSN. He gives me his name and SSN!! I go to the back room, check inventory on the two titles and send a CW to get a floor count while we call campus police. See, our tags note, if you know how to read them, when the books were put on the floor. He comes in February, and the books have a tag for jan/feb on them. He claims he (and at times his sister) used them last summer…
Right then.
Long story short, he DID steal them from us. But he waltzed out before the cops got there, missed them by minutes!!
I was irked…but I had his social security number! Gave it to the police, thinking he was still scamming us, but the nice officer came back two days later with a mug shot line up and asked me to pick the guy out. I did. Turns out his social WAS valid, and it led to all kinds of interesting info on him, like his 3 aliases, and the fact that he hits up various stores around the campus, selling stolen books.
So, holy fark, I scammed a scammer, and now all the stores around here know about him!
Go me!!
Still amazed he gave me his real social, though. But stupid is as stupid does…
Story the second: “Well, I have to go peroxide my eyeballs now, thanks so much…”*
*the quote is a rough quote from a conversation EQ and I had once, ‘twas amusing, and I was looking for the perfect moment to use it, and here it be!!
So, girl comes in to buy a textbook, and she’s a rather…colorful…character… she’s dressed in clothing at least 3 sizes too small, smells like she hasn’t bathed in weeks and instead covers it up with Eau de (latest music star’s fragrance) and clouds of cigarette smoke. This is all complete with glittery gold lame thong peeking out from under her far too tight jeans.
The book she’s purchasing is roughly $150 and some change. She asks if she can pay part cash, part credit, I say sure.
She pulls out the cash, and it’s a WAD of crinkled ones. We’re talking about $60 here…
And then I try to run her card, and it’s declined. Repeatedly. And she starts shrieking that my machines are stupid, of COURSE she has money, etc etc, you all know how it goes.
She then heaves this huge put upon sigh and drags out her wallet again…and gives me some twenties and tens. I add it up and she’s about $20 short. Does she give me one of the twenties still in her hand? Or the tens sticking out of her wallet?
Oh no, no she doesn’t. She reaches into parts of her body both above and below the equator to pull out still MORE ones, yammering on and on about how she just HATES to spend her hard earned tips.
I valiantly take the money, stuff it in the bottom of my drawer and wait until she’s gone before I slather my hands and arms with antibactierial gel, the entire time chanting, “Please be a waitress! Please be a waitress! Please, oh, PLEASE be a waitress!”
My mind stalwartly refuses to process any other occupations that involve tipping in singles and that…that…
Ok, where was I?
Ah, yes!
It’s called POLICY for a reason!!
This guy comes in, asking if he can exchange a sweatshirt, and he does have his receipt. Newbie cashier says ok, and he toddles off to find something to exchange it with. Cashier then gets a good glimpse at the receipt, and sees that it’s dated DECEMBER 15th!!
Our return policy, (which takes up the bottom half of the receipt, very CLEARLY states for clothing and GM merchandise, there is a 30 day period only for refunds and exchanges.
Thirty days.
NOT 3 months. So, I tell her to apologize, say we can’t do it because it’s against policy, and apologize for not reading the receipt at first, but there’s really nothing she can do. And if he gets testy, call the textbook manager, who’s acting manager, and NOT me, cuz it’s not my job to deal with him.
Of COURSE he got snippy. Claimed she lied to him, promised him he could exchange, and then LIED. He ripped the poor girl a new one by the time textbook manager came out, and swore that he WAS going to exchange the sweatshirt because we’re all a bunch of liars and heathens!!!11!!!!! (Yes, he called us heathens)
He was supposed to come back to talk to store manager, but I left before seeing if he ever did. I’ll find out what happened eventually, I hope…
Phone time fun!
Just a few of the phone gems I took.
Me: <opening spiel>
SC: Yes, I’m looking for Joe?
Me: I’m sorry, there’s no one here by that name, ma’am, I think this is the wrong number.
SC: Nonsense! Put Joe on the line.
Me: Ma’am, I’m sorry, but—
SC: That’s it! I demand your manager!
Me: Um, ok… <Puts her on hold> But he’s not Joe, either…
Me: <Opening spiel>
SC: Stop calling me!!! <Click>
Me: …
Me: <Opening spiel>
SC: Yeah, uh..where am I calling again…?
Me: Um…My Bookstore…
SC: Oh…so…you probably can’t help me with my taxes…
Me:
Uh…SC: <Sighs> It’s so hard to find HELP… <Click>
Me: All righty then…
AAaaaaaand, that’s all for now, folks. Too tired to type anymore. Gonna finish my pear cider, and crawl into bed. Night night!!
In our next episode, Lupo will detail what REAL hell was! Having NO ICS systems up because corporate decided to switch servers in the middle of the week. The computers were down for TWO DAYS, no textbook look up, inventory info, nothing but straight up cash registers. <Shudder> The horror is still too fresh...
<shudders> Well, now I'm off to dunk my head in a vat of brain bleach, thank you very much. 
Here's some 
for the chick that kept her bills in her um....porch. At least spring break will be here soon and it'll free you from this suckiness.
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