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.... Oh dearest Customers of mine....
I want to help you, I really do. I want your shopping experience to be pleasant and easy and FAST. But remember, every time you yell at me, and every time you call me stupid. That desire goes down a notch. If you keep SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS. I am going to do my best to make sure you do NOT enjoy yourself today, I will be polite and a perfect worker, however I will move as slow as I can, I will give you my MOST honest opinion of how that dress REALLY makes you look, I will make sure to make the "Kid" page every time I see your little brat, and I will tell my coworker that "Yes, that cart is abandoned" I also might "accidentally" put away the clothes you REALLY wanted, because you shoved them into my hands expecting me to...i guess.... hang on to them for you? Go fuck yourself.
I understand your urge to pee is over whelming.... But we have one... ONE... bathroom in our store. So please do not get angry with me that I cant magically make another place for you to pee. And pretty please, dont get mad at me when you walk away to "go look around" while the other person pees, and then come back to find that someone went into the potty. I am not your line holder, I will not save this place for you and tell someone else who decided to WAIT, that they cant use the bathroom just because you WERE waiting at some point in time. I have the power to lock that door and put an OUT OF SERVICE sign up.... do not tempt me to abuse that power... Cause I happily would.
You are in a hurry, I understand this. But when you run at me with 16 items and I tell you, "Only 8 can go in, you can hang the other 8 up *points to hanging place* right here" DO NOT just throw them on my table and run in.... this only makes me want to put them away out of spite.
When I look you in the eyes and say "Please bring EVERYTHING back out on the hangers when you are done" and you say okay and acknowledge this... do not come back out to me 15 min later with a pile and jumbled hangers and say "oops i forgot. Running late sorry" Do not try my wrath, I have made people stand there and rehang EVERYTHING for this indiscretion before, you are not an exception, neither is your kid.
I know you are a perfect person, who doesnt even realize that "Stealing" actually exists. But the truth is...it does.... alot.... everyday. So dont get mad at me for slowing you down because I have to count every item you take in and OUT of the fitting room, even if they are folded/crumpled/jumbled/ tossed in your arms, I still have to count them. There is a SIGN right over my Fricken head. READ IT AND YOU WOULD BE PREPARED. The more you yell the more likely I am to do a REAL Thorough job of it.
Please realize that I am confined to this little cave. I cannot leave my prison, not even if i REALLY wanted to. Because, if I walk away someone might... you know... steal something... so shut up already about how I am rude because I wont leave the fitting room to come help you get something off a shelf in HOME,(on the other side of the store) that you are not even SURE if you are going to buy yet.
Yes.... I am a captive here.... No that does not mean you can flirt with me. Do not hit on me, I do not like it, you are creepy and you smell funny. You look like you crawled out of your mothers basement and wouldnt know what to do with real breasts if you saw them. Quit hitting on me. I am not interested in you wanna be gangstas, the only thing I want to do to you is step on the hem of you pants and watch them fall down.... We have belts in men's basics by the by. Go get one and do the world a favor.... we dont like your ass that much. STOP HITTING ON ME! I know i'm fairly cute...but just because i cant run away... doesnt mean you can get in my grill..........
You are as old as my father....grandfather.... EWWWWWW.... please dont flirt with me.... stop staring at my girls.... STOP trying to look down my shirt...you cant... I do it on purpose....
HELP HELP I NEED AN ADULT!!!!!
I know that phone call is REALLY important.... Maggie just HAS to know what happened last night at your drunken party. But honestly, tell them to wait a moment... no one is going to die.... TALK TO ME LIKE A HUMAN BEING..... or I may just ring you up for something twice.... then we have to play the "oops what was it" game.... I dont like it.... you dont like it.... the other people in line REALLY dont like it...... okay... I kinda like it.....
DONT SHOP ON MY FUCKING RACKS!!!! I have spent the last 3 hours hanging all those clothes in the order they belong so that someone can come take them back to the floor. I am STILL putting clothes on those things... stop touching them... STOP IT. you are fucking up the order and I am going to get yelled at for hanging a "sloppy rack" do not mess with it.
And please, I know you are trying to be helpful... but give me the clothes you dont want.... dont try and figure out my system for hanging, you wont get it right.... and then I have to go through it all to fix it. Thank you for the thought.... but dont.
When you see me helping some little old lady with her things along with trying to count IN 7 other people, do NOT stand there tapping your foot at me. It will not make me move faster, and I will not help you sooner. I do first come first serve, they were here before you brought you shit to me. So Shut up and wait.
And last... when you are standing there and you hear me announce to my Manager, "Clocked off! I'm outta here! See you later" Do not follow me down the aisle and bother me to help you with something.... cause I will not, and it's just going to make you mad when I tell you to go back to customer service and have them help you. I refuse to work when I am not getting paid. SO Kiss my shiny white ass and shut up.
............Just needed to get that off my chest.... there is so much more.... but I am tired.....G'night.
I want to help you, I really do. I want your shopping experience to be pleasant and easy and FAST. But remember, every time you yell at me, and every time you call me stupid. That desire goes down a notch. If you keep SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS. I am going to do my best to make sure you do NOT enjoy yourself today, I will be polite and a perfect worker, however I will move as slow as I can, I will give you my MOST honest opinion of how that dress REALLY makes you look, I will make sure to make the "Kid" page every time I see your little brat, and I will tell my coworker that "Yes, that cart is abandoned" I also might "accidentally" put away the clothes you REALLY wanted, because you shoved them into my hands expecting me to...i guess.... hang on to them for you? Go fuck yourself.
I understand your urge to pee is over whelming.... But we have one... ONE... bathroom in our store. So please do not get angry with me that I cant magically make another place for you to pee. And pretty please, dont get mad at me when you walk away to "go look around" while the other person pees, and then come back to find that someone went into the potty. I am not your line holder, I will not save this place for you and tell someone else who decided to WAIT, that they cant use the bathroom just because you WERE waiting at some point in time. I have the power to lock that door and put an OUT OF SERVICE sign up.... do not tempt me to abuse that power... Cause I happily would.
You are in a hurry, I understand this. But when you run at me with 16 items and I tell you, "Only 8 can go in, you can hang the other 8 up *points to hanging place* right here" DO NOT just throw them on my table and run in.... this only makes me want to put them away out of spite.
When I look you in the eyes and say "Please bring EVERYTHING back out on the hangers when you are done" and you say okay and acknowledge this... do not come back out to me 15 min later with a pile and jumbled hangers and say "oops i forgot. Running late sorry" Do not try my wrath, I have made people stand there and rehang EVERYTHING for this indiscretion before, you are not an exception, neither is your kid.
I know you are a perfect person, who doesnt even realize that "Stealing" actually exists. But the truth is...it does.... alot.... everyday. So dont get mad at me for slowing you down because I have to count every item you take in and OUT of the fitting room, even if they are folded/crumpled/jumbled/ tossed in your arms, I still have to count them. There is a SIGN right over my Fricken head. READ IT AND YOU WOULD BE PREPARED. The more you yell the more likely I am to do a REAL Thorough job of it.
Please realize that I am confined to this little cave. I cannot leave my prison, not even if i REALLY wanted to. Because, if I walk away someone might... you know... steal something... so shut up already about how I am rude because I wont leave the fitting room to come help you get something off a shelf in HOME,(on the other side of the store) that you are not even SURE if you are going to buy yet.
Yes.... I am a captive here.... No that does not mean you can flirt with me. Do not hit on me, I do not like it, you are creepy and you smell funny. You look like you crawled out of your mothers basement and wouldnt know what to do with real breasts if you saw them. Quit hitting on me. I am not interested in you wanna be gangstas, the only thing I want to do to you is step on the hem of you pants and watch them fall down.... We have belts in men's basics by the by. Go get one and do the world a favor.... we dont like your ass that much. STOP HITTING ON ME! I know i'm fairly cute...but just because i cant run away... doesnt mean you can get in my grill..........
You are as old as my father....grandfather.... EWWWWWW.... please dont flirt with me.... stop staring at my girls.... STOP trying to look down my shirt...you cant... I do it on purpose....
HELP HELP I NEED AN ADULT!!!!!
I know that phone call is REALLY important.... Maggie just HAS to know what happened last night at your drunken party. But honestly, tell them to wait a moment... no one is going to die.... TALK TO ME LIKE A HUMAN BEING..... or I may just ring you up for something twice.... then we have to play the "oops what was it" game.... I dont like it.... you dont like it.... the other people in line REALLY dont like it...... okay... I kinda like it.....
DONT SHOP ON MY FUCKING RACKS!!!! I have spent the last 3 hours hanging all those clothes in the order they belong so that someone can come take them back to the floor. I am STILL putting clothes on those things... stop touching them... STOP IT. you are fucking up the order and I am going to get yelled at for hanging a "sloppy rack" do not mess with it.
And please, I know you are trying to be helpful... but give me the clothes you dont want.... dont try and figure out my system for hanging, you wont get it right.... and then I have to go through it all to fix it. Thank you for the thought.... but dont.
When you see me helping some little old lady with her things along with trying to count IN 7 other people, do NOT stand there tapping your foot at me. It will not make me move faster, and I will not help you sooner. I do first come first serve, they were here before you brought you shit to me. So Shut up and wait.
And last... when you are standing there and you hear me announce to my Manager, "Clocked off! I'm outta here! See you later" Do not follow me down the aisle and bother me to help you with something.... cause I will not, and it's just going to make you mad when I tell you to go back to customer service and have them help you. I refuse to work when I am not getting paid. SO Kiss my shiny white ass and shut up.
............Just needed to get that off my chest.... there is so much more.... but I am tired.....G'night.
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