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Sleeping Friggin' Beauty
If you read that with a bad NYC/Soprano-type accent, you get a cookie. Or bacon if you're RWH.
Mr. Thorn-in-my-ass:
I understand you live in a gated community and no solicitors are allowed inside the gate. It really sucks that this guy snuck in behind another resident and started trying to solicit whatever it is he’s peddling. Really, it does. But when I ask you specific questions about his clothing, height, and weight, and you won’t give me any details other then “he’s black!!!”, that makes you a useless jackass. Really, it does.
Me: Sir, I know for a fact there is more then one black man in this state, so please, can you tell me what color his sweater is?
SC: No!! He’s black!
So apparently black men have such iridescent flesh that old, rich, racist white men can’t actually look directly at them, lest they go blind. Does that mean black men have super powers? I managed togoad convince this prick to give me a full description, eventually, but I think I gave him an aneurysm with my persistence.
PS: That quote came after MANY attempts to get information out of this man, and I also said it in a very polite voice. It may sound harsh to many of you. But in my line of work, sometimes you have to give callers a real reason WHY you need to know the answers to your questions. Callers are often agitated and upset when they call in, so it’s difficult to wheedle necessary info out of them sometimes.
Sleeping F***ing Beauty:
The next person who calls in and hears my recorded greeting and says: Geez!!!! You sound tired!!” (You know, in that way that really means “you sound bitchy”) is getting this, “Gee! And you sound like an asshole.”
Best Buy my @$$:
Best Buy, you have the worst policy, and I feel bad for your employees whom you force to spout BS at customers. I admit, I got a little irritated when I called to cancel my Reward Zone card. The simple fact of the matter is that I do not need this credit card. I’ve paid it off and I don’t need it. The woman I was speaking to kept playing the, “are you suuuuurrrrre?” and “why do you wanna cancel?!” Apparently the reason I gave already just wasn’t good enough. Again, I know it’s not her fault she has to ask so many questions, but I eventually snapped a little and just told her, “Miss, this is a $500 credit card. I can get a credit card through my bank with a $3,000 dollar limit. Now you tell me WHY I need this card so bad?”
The economy is in the shitter and part of it has to do with people using credit they don’t have to buy expensive shit. Encouraging people to own a bunch of credit cards sounds like a bad idea to me. Bad like wandering naked through the woods in Maine during mosquito season…
It’s called a baby-sitter:
I had WAY too many calls about young children going missing today. The parents call freaking out like Ted Bundy just walked by and snatched their kid, but really they just failed to keep an eye on their child and suddenly it’s my fault. These kids were all found within ten minutes of “going missing”. Pay attention or hire a f***ing babysitter!!
Oh, and another thing, if another family member takes your kid to their house, and they are NOT some sick, depraved individual; do NOT, for the love of Jesus, scream ‘kidnapping’. It causes us a lot of problems, especially with the media and becomes a big unnecessary mess. That’s right, I’m talking to you <other police dispatching agency>!
They just keep getting stupider:
SC: So where would I like, get information…
Me: *411?*
SC: on like laws and stuff…? Like is there a number I can call for that?
Me: I haven’t heard of a law information hotline, but you can try the internet.
As I continue to talk to this man-creature, it comes out that he has warrants and he wants to know if he can be extradited back to Utah if he moves out of state. Look dumb ass, it’s ALWAYS a good idea to just take care of your warrants and legal troubles. Running away from them tends to make things infinitely worse for you. Me? I’m just gonna sit here and laugh.
Say it with me, NINE – ONE – ONE:
Not 411… I’m sorry that I don’t have the number to the “food business” (yes, that’s what he called it, "the food business", as in he couldn't remember the name but expected me to) on X road. That road is probably 15 miles long, be more specific, and again, I’m not a phone book. Asking twice and then angrily hanging up on me will not change that fact. Unless you’re a magical wizard, in which case, my level 70 Blood Elf will do terrible things to you.
And now my week is done. *sigh of relief*
Mr. Thorn-in-my-ass:
I understand you live in a gated community and no solicitors are allowed inside the gate. It really sucks that this guy snuck in behind another resident and started trying to solicit whatever it is he’s peddling. Really, it does. But when I ask you specific questions about his clothing, height, and weight, and you won’t give me any details other then “he’s black!!!”, that makes you a useless jackass. Really, it does.
Me: Sir, I know for a fact there is more then one black man in this state, so please, can you tell me what color his sweater is?
SC: No!! He’s black!
So apparently black men have such iridescent flesh that old, rich, racist white men can’t actually look directly at them, lest they go blind. Does that mean black men have super powers? I managed to
PS: That quote came after MANY attempts to get information out of this man, and I also said it in a very polite voice. It may sound harsh to many of you. But in my line of work, sometimes you have to give callers a real reason WHY you need to know the answers to your questions. Callers are often agitated and upset when they call in, so it’s difficult to wheedle necessary info out of them sometimes.
Sleeping F***ing Beauty:
The next person who calls in and hears my recorded greeting and says: Geez!!!! You sound tired!!” (You know, in that way that really means “you sound bitchy”) is getting this, “Gee! And you sound like an asshole.”
Best Buy my @$$:
Best Buy, you have the worst policy, and I feel bad for your employees whom you force to spout BS at customers. I admit, I got a little irritated when I called to cancel my Reward Zone card. The simple fact of the matter is that I do not need this credit card. I’ve paid it off and I don’t need it. The woman I was speaking to kept playing the, “are you suuuuurrrrre?” and “why do you wanna cancel?!” Apparently the reason I gave already just wasn’t good enough. Again, I know it’s not her fault she has to ask so many questions, but I eventually snapped a little and just told her, “Miss, this is a $500 credit card. I can get a credit card through my bank with a $3,000 dollar limit. Now you tell me WHY I need this card so bad?”
The economy is in the shitter and part of it has to do with people using credit they don’t have to buy expensive shit. Encouraging people to own a bunch of credit cards sounds like a bad idea to me. Bad like wandering naked through the woods in Maine during mosquito season…
It’s called a baby-sitter:
I had WAY too many calls about young children going missing today. The parents call freaking out like Ted Bundy just walked by and snatched their kid, but really they just failed to keep an eye on their child and suddenly it’s my fault. These kids were all found within ten minutes of “going missing”. Pay attention or hire a f***ing babysitter!!
Oh, and another thing, if another family member takes your kid to their house, and they are NOT some sick, depraved individual; do NOT, for the love of Jesus, scream ‘kidnapping’. It causes us a lot of problems, especially with the media and becomes a big unnecessary mess. That’s right, I’m talking to you <other police dispatching agency>!
They just keep getting stupider:
SC: So where would I like, get information…
Me: *411?*
SC: on like laws and stuff…? Like is there a number I can call for that?
Me: I haven’t heard of a law information hotline, but you can try the internet.
As I continue to talk to this man-creature, it comes out that he has warrants and he wants to know if he can be extradited back to Utah if he moves out of state. Look dumb ass, it’s ALWAYS a good idea to just take care of your warrants and legal troubles. Running away from them tends to make things infinitely worse for you. Me? I’m just gonna sit here and laugh.
Say it with me, NINE – ONE – ONE:
Not 411… I’m sorry that I don’t have the number to the “food business” (yes, that’s what he called it, "the food business", as in he couldn't remember the name but expected me to) on X road. That road is probably 15 miles long, be more specific, and again, I’m not a phone book. Asking twice and then angrily hanging up on me will not change that fact. Unless you’re a magical wizard, in which case, my level 70 Blood Elf will do terrible things to you.
And now my week is done. *sigh of relief*
).
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