Your STATES! KNOW YOUR STATES!!

[Barefootgirl]

"Why don't you have an accent?" Oh, y'all think I'ma gonna talk like this? "Yeah?" That's Texas. In Arizona, we KNOW how to f***in' speak!

But everyone in America has an accent ! Its only me who doesn't have an accent

Jester, do you live in Key West? I love Key West! Some friends and i drove down there in a convertible from Miami last year, and it was just the most fab place. I think it is my favourite place in the whole US, not least because you can buy a margarita on the street and wander around drinking it. I liked the other Keys as well, wish I'd had a bit more time to potter around there and look at things.

[Jester]

Jester, do you live in Key West? I love Key West! Some friends and i drove down there in a convertible from Miami last year, and it was just the most fab place. I think it is my favourite place in the whole US, not least because you can buy a margarita on the street and wander around drinking it. I liked the other Keys as well, wish I'd had a bit more time to potter around there and look at things.

Why yes, yes I do. And chances are good that if you saw a magician doing closeup magic for you, it was me or one of my associates.

Jester, I'd love to hear what else the Key West tourists say.

Okay, you asked for it....

And by the way, for those unfamiliar with the word, there is a difference between TOURISTS and TOURONS. A touron is a combination of tourist and moron. Basically an SC on vacation! With that in mind.....

STUPID TOURON QUESTIONS THAT HAVE BEEN ASKED IN KEY WEST (my friend is constantly saying he is going to compile the ultimate list):

"Does the water go all the way around the island?"

"How many times a day do you have the Sunset Celebration?"

"How long is the Seven Mile Bridge?"

[while standing on Duval Street]: "Where's Duval Street?"

"Does the sun always set on the same side of the island?

"What kind of fish live under the island?"

"Is there a gift shop at the reef?"

"Can we drive our scooters out to the reef?"

"Where's the bridge to Cuba?"

"How far apart are the mile markers?"

[while looking at a sign that says in big bold letters "Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville"]: "Does Jimmy Buffett actually own Margaritaville?

"What do you do with all the boats in the winter?"

"The streets here are really narrow. How do the snowplows get down them?" [coldest recorded temperature in Key West's history: 41F]

"The waters around here, are they pretty well stocked with fish, or are they about fished out?" [The waters around here are the Gulf of Mexico and the Atlantic Ocean, two of the largest bodies of water in the world.]

[the following is a fair question when you see me out and about, but ridiculously stupid when asked, as it usually is, when I am at working.]
"So, do you live here?" [No, I commute from Phoenix every day.]

"When all those people are here for those big events, and they are all on Duval Street, does that ever cause the island to tip? [I am not making these up, folks.]

"I didn't realize the Seven Mile Bridge was seven miles LONG. I thought it was seven miles HIGH!"

"Do people actually live here?"

"Can we use American money here?"

"Where's the water?"
[It's a 2 by 4 mile island. Walk in any direction. You'll find it.]

[There is a small island a few hundred yards off of Key West, called Sunset Key, plainly visible from the famous Mallory Square. The following question has been asked of many employees in the area.]

"Is that Cuba?"

[My friend Courtney had the best answer to that one: "Yes, it's much further than it appears." Keep in mind, there are signs literally all over the island that say "Cuba 90 miles." Let THAT one sink it to your brain stem.]

[while on the "Glass Bottom Boat"}
"Where's the glass bottom?"

"Can we swim under the island?"


The above list compiled in loving memory of General Geoff Chapman, general of the Conch Republic Army. I am sure he had more I haven't even heard of, the rascal. And yes, these are all questions people have asked me or friends of mine. Most of them asked by several people on different occasions. Sad, but true. Though I am not sure any will ever top the immortal "How do we get upstairs?" as the guy was LOOKING AT THE STAIRS! If I remember more, though, I will post them in this thread.

[Becks]

Reading Jester's last post brings to mind an email I'd seen once about supposed actual phone calls to an Australian tourism center and the replies received...

I wish I still had it, I'd repost it...

[Barefootgirl]

Why yes, yes I do. And chances are good that if you saw a magician doing closeup magic for you, it was me or one of my associates.

*Waves back !! * I did see a guy doing some magic and watched him for a while...I wonder if it was you?

[while looking at a sign that says in big bold letters "Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville"]: "Does Jimmy Buffett actually own Margaritaville?

Um, I think that might have been me I didn't really know who Jimmy Buffett was before i went there, but had vaguely heard the name.

"Can we swim under the island?"

Of course you can ! Here's your flippers, off you go. Air tank? No, you won't need an air tank...

[Jester]

*Waves back !! * I did see a guy doing some magic and watched him for a while...I wonder if it was you?

If it was a really tall guy in a black hat....it was my friend Frank!

If it was a bald guy who did levitations...it was my friend Tweedy!

If, however, it was a not all that tall dude with curly hair and a goatee doing closup magic....that would've been me!

[Dragon_Dreamer]

I live in a town near the Delaware River and Canal.

Once, a tourist pointed to the Canal and asked, very seriously, "That's the Delaware River?"

I proceeded to motion him to come down the street, then pointed out the MUCH larger body of water beyond the Canal, with New Jersey clearly visible beyond.

"But isn't that the Atlantic Ocean? You must not be from around here. I'll go find a REAL local." Again, completely serious.

[Crow The Robot]

I'm from Jersey, the Southern part, and people, are facinated by the fact that there are farms, country houses, and open space. When I worked on a NJ Turnpike rest stop, I would get the following questions. "What stae are we in?" , We had a huge sign that said "welcome to NJ" and had a "you are here" style map with a pin at the current location. One person, refused to believe that we were in NJ, he kept arguing. "No, this aint Jersey. Just ell me where we really are."
Despite the best efforts of myself, a co-worker and a manager, he refused to believe he was in NJ, so he departed saying, "Man, i kew you Virginia people couldn't be trusted." Amd drove off, yes he drove a car, God help us all. While I was cashiering there was a chick paid w/an out of state drivers license, now the policy is that we ask for ID for an out-of-state check. She was from Mississippi.
Her: Thats bullsh-t, My cousin works for a wal-mart, in Delaware, and she says that they do not ask for ID with OOS checks!!!
ME: Ma'am, i don't know what Delaware's laws are....
her: We'll we're in Delaware!
Me:Ma'am this is NJ.
her: F-ck it is that's the Delaware river out there, yes?
Me: Um, yes it is, but....
Her: No, buts, if this is NJ why isn't it the NJ river?? Hah!!!! We are in Delaware. And you are trying to steal my identity.
(I call a CSM)
CSM: Yes ma'am?
HER: Your boy, asked me for ID and said we were in NJ. We are in Delaware
CSM: No, ma'am this is NJ.
HER: I wanna manager!!!
M: Ma'am?
HER: They are trying to steal my identity, this ain't NJ!!!!!
M: Ma'am we ARE in NJ.
Her: F-ck it I'll pay with cash. You New Jerseyans can't be trusted with checks anyway.
Me:

Damn. i mean, damn. People are just stupid. I wonder what she thought the people in Tennessee, Louisiana, Iowa, Minnesota, Kentucky, Illinois, Missouri, and Arkansas called the Misssissippi?

[MystyGlyttyr]

Damn. i mean, damn. People are just stupid. I wonder what she thought the people in Tennessee, Louisiana, Iowa, Minnesota, Kentucky, Illinois, Missouri, and Arkansas called the Misssissippi?

Obviously, we call it "the big-@$$ river".

That's like the fun I had explaining to a friend how it was, in fact, possible for a town in Texas to have "Arkansas Street" and "Louisiana Street". I don't know why she was so concerned about it, but she got a little freaked out at the signs. "They can't do that, can they?!"

That's when I take her to "Slimer Street".

[protege]

Obviously, we call it "the big-@$$ river".

That's like the fun I had explaining to a friend how it was, in fact, possible for a town in Texas to have "Arkansas Street" and "Louisiana Street". I don't know why she was so concerned about it, but she got a little freaked out at the signs. "They can't do that, can they?!"

She'd just *love* Cape May, NJ. Not only do they have a Pittsburgh Street, but quite a few with state names: Texas St, Ohio, St. etc.

[friendofjimmyk]

There is a "Springfield" in nearly every state.

[air914]

I am originally from a tiny little town in Missouri which has the same name as a somewhat large and well known city in Michigan. I went to college at the University of Florida, and for some reason, even though they had the right zip code, they would somehow end up sending all the "orientation" crap and everything to Hometown, MI instead of Hometown, MO, with the MI zipcode and everything. It's like they looked at my address and said, "that can't be right, I've never heard of Hometown, MO. Obviously this person who is smart enough to be admitted to our school has no idea what her address is. We'll just change that."

These were people that worked at an institution of higher learning. Surely it's too much to expect customers to know these things!

It's a little off topic, but I had to respond to this - when I went to college in Pittsburgh, at the bursar's office or whatever it is called - they said wow there's another person w/ your same first & last name here. I looked at them like I asked them what the middle initial was. When they told me it was the same as mine I was like "there's got to be a mistake" (I don't have one of those middle names that start w/ an A or an M or something more normal - it's an odd little letter in the alphabet ) anyway, I asked what the first digits of the person's social security was - and they started reading me my phone number. Some idiot had entered in my phone number as the social security number and had two seperate profiles created for me. A phone number has more numbers than a soc. - how did they not notice that?? Or the fact that teh middle of your social usually has 2 numbers - not three like a phone does - someone just wans't paying attention - but it then took them TWO semesters at least to get rid of this extra profile............... which I think is ridiculous - that person doesn't exist... why is it soooo hard to delete the profile? It's not like you need to keep that info. b/c they may come back or b/c they decided not to come, but may come in the future - they don't exist! Not on this planet! Get rid of the profile & stop confusing everyone! (It was always a problem if I came in for something or called for something b/c they would pull up the incorrect profile and we'd go through this whole thing again)

[air914]

Back on topic..... Now if you're from KY, you always get those wonderful hick questions - yep I'm sure there are some here, but I live in a major city in KY - where we DO wear our shoes, we DON'T marry our cousins, we DON'T have to have major accents, and we DON'T use outhouses...... it's not all the Dukes of Hazard in every city in KY either........ and we don't swim in "Cement ponds" - we have swimming pools...... although the best compliment I can get sometimes is "you don't have an accent" - I always tell people I tried hard not to ever get one ( I did grow up here but my parents are from Illinois) and it makes me feel good that although I have a few words that tell you right away I'm from somewhere in the South - most of the time, you couldn't tell where I'm from Makes me mysterious..... LOL

[Dips]

I'm from Jersey, the Southern part, and people, are facinated by the fact that there are farms, country houses, and open space.

Hee. I know New Jersey grows some great vegetables. We get that same sort of reaction about Massachusetts too. It's like folks who aren't from the Northeast think the whole region is nothing but a huge urban center, parts of which turn into quaint villages only in fall foliage season.

I blame our tourism board and their misleading advertising.

It's OK. It means more game, fish, farm fresh produce and open space for us locals to enjoy, at least until next leaf-peeping season.